I figured I was done writing about Carl Pavano and the New York Yankees. Then, courtesy of Peter Abraham’s outstanding LoHud Yankees Blog, comes the news that The Rajah of Rehab will be entitled to a full players share of whatever money the Yankees earn throughout the postseason.
Last year, according to Abraham, St. Louis Cardinals players collected $362,173 each for winning the World Series. Yikes!! As if Pavano hasn’t stolen enough of George Steinbrenner’s cash already.
With that in mind, I have some suggestions for Pavano on how he can use whatever his share of the cash turns out to be.
• Split it between Chase Wright, Matt DeSalvo, Tyler Clippard, Jeff Karstens, Darrell Rasner, Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy. Those guys at least tried to pitch, and they can use the money. Forget Kei Igawa, though. He stole a bunch of King George’s cash this season, too.
• Go to Oz, visit the great and powerful Wizard, and buy a heart. It’s the only way he’s going to get one.
• Buy a team in the Independent League. It might be the only way anyone ever lets him pitch again.
• Give it back to GM Brian Cashman and tell him to use it to keep A-Rod.
• Give the money to Gia Allemand. She deserves it for putting up with him, even it was just for a little while.
• Purchase a whole boatload of steroids and HGH. Then he can test positive, get himself suspended and not have to try a come back after his arm heals from his latest surgery.
• Hire his own personal physician to go everywhere with him. God knows, there would be enough work to keep the guy busy.
• Buy some of those bionic body parts they are using on ‘Bionic Woman.’
• Find a worthwhile charity and donate the money. No, The Carl Pavano Relief Fund does not count.
• Open the Rehab Hall of Fame. He could be the charter member.
(– via Valentine’s Views)
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