Jets Rumors & News
This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 at 2:52 pm and is filed under Football, Jets Rumors & News, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

No joke, my keyboard shorted out yesterday when I started working on this week’s post.  Coincidence?  I think not.  The last two games have been nothing but abysmal for Jets fans and the venom inside of me must have leaked out of my finger tips and fried my keyboard.  The venom is green  in case you wanted to know and it glows in the dark.

What the Jets appear to be missing is a big set of steel balls.  We look Timid. Afraid.  Very much like Daniel-san in the first Karate Kid.  We’re so close to getting the girl but because of our own stupid pranks (gadget play calls) we’re in a shower costume being chased down and beaten up by a bunch of teenage skeletons.  Where is Miyagi when your secondary needs him?

The forced delay in posting this gave me time to cool my Jets and reflect upon our situation.  The only real change is that there is zero room to wiggle here.  We must win out.  We know it, the players know it, and the coaches know it. Actually, I’m not so sure about that one.  The coaches have appeared clueless at times (read: all of the time) and it is an extension of their timidity that caused the Jets to get their legs swept out from under them (damn you Johnny!).   I’d like to help Mangini by passing a new Jet law that will be applied to the Jet’s offense from now until the end of time… unless there needs to be an amendment in the future which we can vote on later, uh, in the future.

Any time the Jets have the ball within 40 yards of the end zone on the opponents side of the field, a 4th and 1 shall not result in a punt.  It will be either a 1) field goal attempt 2) first down for the Jets 3) touchdown or 4) turnover on downs.  It will not be a punt.  When we are in the above situation, there will be no punting.   This rule does not necessarily apply in inclement weather or in game situations where we are attempting to run out the clock but for the most part, punting will not be an option.  Punting on your opponents side of the field displays a lack of confidence in your offense to move the ball and your defense to stop your opponent from moving the ball.  In short, your team looks like a bunch of chicken s%!&s trying to play football and will probably lose the game.

Wow, I feel so much better with that out in the open.

Sean Ellis got busted with some weed in his car.  So what?  This probably made Mangini happy knowing that Ellis wasn’t out boozing late nights and it explains why Sean has been showing up to practice with homemade t-shirts for everybody.  Pot takers don’t like to be around drunk people- too unpredictable.  People who take the pot stay home and do Martha Stewart-ish arts and crafts stuff or play video games.  Had Plaxico been smoking pot on his couch the only gun that would have gone off would have been the one he was aiming with his Playstation controller.  Instead? Ouch…. that had to hurt…. your sense of self respect.

At the beginning of the season when Chad was fresh in Miami and Favre was still in the first chapter of the play book, I told my buddy “If it comes down to beating Duck Pennington in New York the last game of the season, I’ll take that any day.”  He couldn’t believe the Jets gave Pennington the ability to stay in our already incestuous division and, while I agree with him, Chad doesn’t scare me one bit.  I’m happy that he’s winning.  If he wasn’t in our division I’d be rooting for him but since he is, “Death by Interception!”  Chad had to go.  I can’t wait till I can have a conversation with whatever football fan I’m talking to and I don’t have to keep repeating that sentence.  It’s even on my answering machine right now.

We’ve had two obscenely awful back to back losses.  To those of you out there still in the doldrums, I’m going to share the mantra that’s keeping me operational.  We’re in 1st place and have an easy schedule ahead of us.  Yes, we lost some games we should have won but we also beat the ever-loving crap out of the best team in the league.  (here comes the mantra)  When we beat Buffalo in week 9 it galvanized this team. It was that win that gave the Jets the momentum to beat the Pats in New England and then to two-step all over the Titan’s undefeated record.  Look who’s coming to town.

…Good Afternoon, you’ve reached Chris at Hot Stove New York and I’m away from my desk right now.  Sorry I couldn’t get your call but if you leave a message I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.   Chad Pennington had to go.  Mangini didn’t want to spend another year stuck with a gadget offense.  Thanks for calling.

Do people still use answering machines?

There are currently 2 responses to “I’d Rather Get Beat Up In an Alley- Sweep the Leg!”

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  1. 1 On December 11th, 2008, John said:

    Duck Pennington is funny. But what do you call him now?

  2. 2 On December 11th, 2008, Christopher Lee said:

    an incredible coach in the making

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