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I’m not a Jets fan, but Rex Ryan has everyone in this city so inspired and pumped up, even I’d run through a wall for him. In fact, I tried to do just that. Unfortunately, I slipped on a bag of Funyuns and flew through the plate-glass window in my living room. Now I have cuts and bruises all over my face and body, one of my ears was sliced off, my wife is furious at me and it’s really, really cold in our living room. Ryan’s infectious motivating style is being packaged into a new self-help, confidence-building program, with books and DVDS – The Rex Ryan Method: Swaggering, Boasting and Eating Your Way to a Newer, More Confident You. Here are his three top keys to turning yourself into a more successful person:

       1. Declare yourself the favorite in any situation; and then make yourself a nice, big sandwich.

       2. Declare that you will be invited to the White House and meet the President; he will then make you a nice, big sandwich.

       3. Declare that you did not come here to kiss Bill Belichick’s rings; you came here to eat a nice, big sandwich.

Other less successful self-help motivational programs by local-area coaches that ultimately failed include: You Motherf***ing Piece of S***: Live Life the John Tortorella Way – Or Else. His top tips include:

       1. %#!?*%!#?%*!#?!

       2. !?*%!#?!%*!#?!*!!

       3. Always treat people with kindness and respect

And then there was Communicating Through Cackles and Guffaws: Jerry Manuel’s Guide to Successful Living. Here are his top tips for a better life:

       1. When things are going poorly – laugh uproariously.

       2. When things are going well – laugh uproariously.

       3. When things are just ok – laugh uproariously.

Here are the top stories of the week in the world of New York sports:

Two Down, Two to Go: Sometimes it’s just your year and things go your way. The Jets “backed” into the playoffs, the Bengals’ kicker missed two field goals and then San Diego’s kicker missed three times. It helps to be lucky and good. And the Jets are pretty darn good. Of course, you can’t just add nine points to the final score of last Sunday’s game; if Nate Kaeding would have made those kicks, the two teams would have played a different game, with altered strategy and play-calling, from then on, but still – three misses? The Jets beat San Diego with the same recipe they used in Cincinnati: Defense, Shonn Greene and Mark Sanchez not doing anything stupid. Is there any debate over who was the better coach? During the obligatory congratulatory handshake by the two head coaches at the end of the game, Ryan made like Charlie Daniels, and said to Norv Turner, “That’s how you do it, son.” He then grabbed a breadstick, pointed it at the camera, winked and sauntered off to the locker room. Now we have a rematch of Super Bowl III (well, almost, since the Colts are now in Indianapolis and play in the AFC). If the Jets are going to win, they may have to play like their predecessors. In that momentous game, Joe Namath’s Jets scored a rushing TD, kicked three field goals, gained 142 yards on the ground and, most importantly, won the turnover battle, 5-1.

Just Like Old Times: Rex Ryan even has the Blueshirts believing in themselves. 14 goals in two games? Let’s say that again: 14 goals in two games. Sweet Holy Moly! It was NHL hockey 1980s-style at the Garden this week, scoring and fighting and fighting and scoring. But last night the offensive explosion abruptly ended, as the Rangers couldn’t get anything going at all. And in the second period, the game turned into the 1970s. Playing the parts of Dave Schultz and Dale Rolfe were Daniel Carcillo and Marian Gaborik (while Dan Girardi stood idly by). Old-time hockey! Eddie Shore! Toe Blake!

As the Knicks Turn: It’s an up and down world for the Knicks these days. They won their annual MLK Day game, beating Detroit 99-91, but lost four out of five before that. Chris Duhon is fading, so Nate Robinson is handling the ball more (and led the team with 27 points on Monday) and they’re running plays through David Lee. Jonathan Bender and Larry Hughes are the latest DNP’s, while Jordan Hill is now playing. In off-the-court news, Stephon Marbury is now where he belongs – in China; Nate Robinson is where he belongs – in the slam dunk contest; and Eddy Curry is where he belongs – having knee surgery.

Devils vs. Islanders: Last week the Rangers and Devils gave us a classic, and this week’s local matchup pitted New Jersey vs. Long Island. It wasn’t a thriller, though, as the Islanders raced right by the Devils, and upset them easily, 4-0. It was the fourth win in a row for the Isles (and they’ve now won five out of their last six). Martin Brodeur and Henrik Lundqvist each put up zeros last week, and this time it was Rick DiPietro’s turn. It was his first shutout in almost two years. New Jersey had lost their last three games and four of their last six, with Jacques Lemaire claiming they were tired. All that winning in the first half of the season wore them down. But they got a good night’s sleep and went right back to their successful ways, beating Florida, 2-0, but put everybody else to sleep in the process. Brodeur recorded his 13th 30-victory season, tying Patrick Roy’s record.

What About Teddy Martinez? The Mets announced that Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Davey Johnson and Frank Cashen will be inducted into the Mets Hall of Fame this summer. And it’s about time. Of course, if Doc and Darryl made different choices in their lives, they could have been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, too. The last Met to be inducted was Tommie Agee in 2002. In hot stove news, the Mets presented Bengie Molina with a take-it-or-leave-it offer and he left it, opting to re-sign with the Giants. Omar Minaya held his ground and didn’t overpay in dollars or years for an aging, “husky” catcher. That’s certainly not Met-like. Are they starting to make sound, forward thinking decisions in Queens? And Joel Pineiro is also off to California. Who does that leave for the Mets? Jon Garland, Ben Sheets, Jarrod Washburn? A trade with the Reds?

3-38: Will the Nets ever win again? No, I’m serious. I mean ever. Kris Humphries said: “We have stretches where we can compete with any NBA team.” When? During pregame warmups? In 2002? Well, they were tied with Phoenix at halftime, so that’s a competitive stretch and it’s almost like winning for the Nets. And Brook Lopez outscored his twin brother, Robin, 26-20, so that’s something, too. Amar’e Stoudemire sees the Nets’ potential, though, and hasn’t crossed them off his list of possible teams to join next season.

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