This is not a recap of the Jets loss to the Broncos.  This is not an analysis of what the Jets did wrong or what the Broncos did right.  I’m not going to discuss the effect this game had on the Jets’ playoff picture.  The next few paragraphs will be me ranting about some of the worst officiating I’ve ever seen.  I will be moaning about a bunch of jacka#% referees.  A bunch of fat, blind, monkey heads who couldn’t call a barn “red.”  A bunch of zebra-looking crooks who must have taken a bribe.  Nim-wits. Wanna be’s.  Puppy kickers.  Enemies of happiness.  Commie bastards.

I just thought you should know ahead of time.  Give you a little heads up before we get into it, you know?

What about that play is unchallengeable?  I know that you can challenge whether there was a fumble or not.  I also know you can challenge whether a player had possession of the ball or not.  So when the ref  says, “The …

Speechless.  I expected a hard fought game.  I expected a low scoring affair.  Favre was going to get hit hard and sacked often.  Running the ball would be difficult.  Kerry Collins would have a monster game.  The previous sentence is a joke… I never expected Kerry Collins to have a good game.  I also never expected the Jets to come in and manhandle the undefeated Titans.

It looked like a lopsided arm wrestling match.  You know, for the briefest of moments the outcome is in doubt.  Then, WHAM!  one trucker slams the other trucker’s hand down on the table.  They quickly reposition and rematch or rewrestle or whatever they call it.  WHAM!  Hats are turned around!  WHAM!  They even go as far as to switch arms.  WHAM!  WHAM! WHAM! The same result every time.  The trucker with the green hat is just plain stronger than the other dude.

This Jets appeared far superior to the Titans in all fazes of the game.  Our offense put up points, our …

Or I should say “Clash of the two teams that are undefeated wearing Titan’s jerseys.”

Tennessee is 10-0 and the Jets (wearing Titan’s costumes) are 2-0.  Something’s gotta give!

Last week’s victory against the Patriots validated the Brett Favre trade and allowed us Jets fans to enjoy a week of smiles and high fives.  It also gave us hope that this weekend the Jets can hand the Tennessee Titans their first loss.

Why on Earth would we feel this way?  The Jets struggled against weaker opponents- ok we lost to some of them-Hey Janikowski, Bach called, he wants his name back ya jerk.  All tangent’s aside (for now), the truth is that I still can’t take Kerri Collins seriously.  He’s winning games- good for him.  No one I know, no one I see on ESPN, no one I listen to on talk radio (that one day I was in a car last month) thinks the Titans are going to the Super Bowl.  They’re kind of like the anti-Jets; they …

Brett Favre and Leon Washington weren’t the only people who had to work on Thursday night.  I had a performance which started at 8:00.  Yeah I know, an actor who lives in New York - go figure.  Anyway, from about eight fifteen on I was a pacing, fingernail-biting mess backstage.  The Pats and Jets had kicked off and I had no idea what was going on.  There’s no cell reception in the theater so I was stuck clueless except the one score update I got from one of the actors in the dressing room at the end of the first quarter.  “10 to 3 Jets,” he told me.  I entertained the idea of running out at intermission and grabbing a quick look at the bar across the street but deemed it a dumb idea.  If it’s a close game I might miss the opening of the second act and I don’t think that would go over too well.  We took our bow at 10:02 and by …

As in, “if you don’t stop talking trash I’m going to give you an ass whuppin!”

The Jets blew out a team that they were supposed to beat.  Finally. A blowout.  Big Time.

The Rams looked God-awful sure, but the Jets were unstoppable all over the football field.  Our defense is less Gang Green and more like a military road block in Iraq.  As good as our offense was (Thomas Jones is a human bowling ball) I think it was our defense that led to such a gaudy score.  47 to 3.  I really think the Jet’s d scared the Rams so badly that at times they were doing their best to just get off the field as quickly as possible.  Steven Jackson’s absence left the Rams in a practically hopeless situation.  They were going to have to throw the ball against a defense that knew what was coming.  So we blitzed, and intercepted, and stripped the Rams into submission.  It seemed like the Jets spent all of …

Can you tell how dramatic I’m capable of being by that title?  Heroic.  Right now it makes me think of Jason and the Argonauts or the Lord of the Rings or some really epic movie with swords.  Yesterday though, after watching our defense pretty much play for an entire half without a break that’s the word that came to mind.  At one point Gang Green was on the field for 27 straight plays without allowing any points to be scored.  When the Bills elected to go for it on 4th down from the Jets 8 yard line I have to admit I was nervous as hell.  Fred Jackson got stuffed hard and the Jets defense made a huge statement that this team sorely needed.  Oh yeah, and Kris Jenkins is an absolute beast.  His Kung Fu is strong and if anyone wants to run up the middle they have to somehow get by his awesome enormousness.  He’s like Moby Dick but well, you know…

This was a …

Hardcore Mets fans, you might want to avert your eyes. Everybody else, this is something you should check out.

This here is my buddy’s log book of every game the Phillies played in 2008 season summarized in one sentence or at least something that almost resembles a sentence.  I had no idea that this artifact even existed until after the Phils won game 5.  The dude was going nuts high fiving, drinking champagne out of a bottle, taking pictures with a dead stingray (seriously), and then he remembered his log.  Turns out he watched every game last season, which is an achievement in itself, then he wrote down what happened.  Maybe a little strange? Certainly.  Now that the Phillies are the “2008 World Champions of Baseball” this logbook is something he’s going to hang on to forever and show his grand kids. Hey, it’s Philladelphia-  I wouldn’t be surprised if this thing ended up in a museum.

There is definitely some Philly fan-code going on here….

So I heard a report on ESPN this morning that Daunte Culpepper was supposed to meet with the Chiefs yesterday to finalize an agreement to play and sign a contract.  Instead, Culpepper rejected the offer because he has “a better opportunity with another team.”  The first thing that came to my mind was an image of Terrell Owens whining so much that Jerry Jones caved in and gave Culpepper a call. You heard it here first, Culpepper to the Cowboys with the promise of reliving his golden years when he used to just huck the ball 50 yards at a time to Randy Moss.

At least that’s what Owens, Jones, and Culpepper are imagining.

Here’s what I’m imagining.  Culpepper arrives in Dallas to much fanfare where he quickly learns that his undisciplined style can totally fly as long as he wins and Romo stays hurt.  The way he sees it, he’ll win a few games, get some contract leverage in the process, and then ride the bench all …

U-G-L-Y- You ain’t got no Alibi!  You Ugly! You Ugly!  Yo Mama Say You Ugly! You Ugly!  You Ugly!

Sometimes a picture just says it all.  Like this one.  It says, “I…. can’t…. breathe….Put… me… down….”  Fitting that this is what Favre gets after throwing a game winning touchdown.  Somehow the Jets emerged victorious Sunday but it was very ugly. “How ugly was it,” you ask?

That win was sooo ugly its shadow quit.

That win was sooo ugly it made Frankenstein’s dog go “Dang.”

That win was sooo ugly, Rice Crispies won’t even talk to it.

That win was sooo ugly it reminded me of Taco Bell-  When people saw it they ran for the border.

That win was sooo ugly it got 7 years of bad luck just for trying to look in the mirror.

That win was soooo ugly, it looked like she was bobbing for french fries.  So, that one didn’t make much sense but if you put the ‘Yo mama” part back in I think it creates quite …

Momentum
1: a property of a moving body that the body has by virtue of its mass and motion and that is equal to the product of the body’s mass and velocity; broadly : a property of a moving body that determines the length of time required to bring it to rest when under the action of a constant force
or
2: strength or force gained by motion or through the development of events : impetus

“The campaign gained momentum.”

Sports are all about momentum.  Which team has it and which team has lost it.  Look at definition #2 above and now look at our lowly Jets.  Events have developed in such a manner that it seems just by taking the field the Jets are giving the opposing team momentum.  Favre’s first play against the Bengels?  Here’s the ball (fumble) and go score a touchdown.  Our first drive against the Patriots?  Missed chip shot.  Our first against the Cardinals?  offsides on the defense-NOT and another “here’s the ball, go score a …

There are two different grades of sandpaper: commercial and industrial.  You can buy the commercial grade at your local hardware store.  The industrial strength, which is what we’re going to need here, is going to have to be ordered.  Once you’ve done that, I’d say a really coarse grit like 40, go ahead and sand down the top part of your thighs.  If you’ve done it right there should be a little blood and every time you walk for the next week or so there will be a sharp stinging sensation.  If you’re not into torturing yourself in such a prolonged manner, just watch a replay of the Jets game at Oakland.  I’m warning you in advance, industrial strength sandpaper’s got nothing on the Jets.  That s#@t was rough yo.

When the offense came out in a spread formation it was not only novel, it was effective.  We moved the ball down the field, yes, but it seemed that in order for Favre to deliver the ball …

Brett Favre has a very short memory and that’s a good thing. Otherwise, his fumble recovered for a touchdown and his 2 interceptions might have prevented him from slinging the ball with confidence. After throwing 6 touchdowns in his last game, the Bengal’s defense looked like their preparation focused on stopping Favre’s passing attack. Why the Jets didn’t have a monster day rushing the ball  I don’t know but Thomas Jones handled the scoring responsibilities anyway. His three touchdowns were the most he’s ever scored in a game and were enough to keep the Carson Palmerless Bengals winless.

There were new pages from the Jet’s offensive playbook on display Sunday- swing passes, reverses, screens. Mangini might have been treating the Bengals game as a scrimmage so he can run new plays against a live defense. For the most part, Favre’s down field attack stayed on the sideline while his short passes and hand-offs kept the game clock moving. The fewer …