Friday, January 9th, 2009
Jets Rumors & News

Eric Mangini was introduced to the folks in Cleveland yesterday.

Well la-dee-F%$#kin-da.

The abused puppy syndrome has been rampant throughout Jets nation and I expected Mangini to deliver a body blow right away.  Surely the first thing Mangini would do as head coach is have a sit down with Romeo Crennel.  They’d reminisce about the good ol’ days in Boston when they used to win games and cheat in Super Bowls.  Crennel already stated publicly that he’s up for remaining in Cleveland as the Defensive Coordinator so why wouldn’t he want to stay on with an old colleague? Mangini’s got to know that the Jets have an eye on Crennel to replace our lame duck defensive coordinator Bob Sutton because he’s a perfect fit to come in and patch up our 3-4 defense.  It’s a personnel specific defense and if we went back to the 4-3 we’d have to some serious overhauling.  Crennel’s one of the few 3-4 coaches out there and not only that, he knows how to …

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
Jets Rumors & News

Getting beaten up by a bunch of street punks wouldn’t have been anywhere near as painful as the last five weeks have been for Jets fans.  The Football Gods just opened up their golden endzone, smiled upon the Jet faithful, and then poo-ed all over us.  Wow that one sucked.  I’m good at rationalizing but this was tough.  I can’t help but wonder if Belichick’s karma contributed.  The powers-that-be would rather see Manigini fired than a cheater coach his way through injuries galore and return to glory.

Eric Mangini had to go.  The consistent problems we’ve had – an inability to adjust to other team’s game plans, the inability to win in the Pacific time zone, the inability to stop the pass (any pass), the reluctance to run the ball with the AFC’s leading rusher, stupid play calling, stupid time management, penalties penalties penalties – everything points to a coach who just isn’t getting the job done.  We had Pennington, Belichick, and the rest of the East in …

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Dear Santa,

I know it’s last minute but this year I’ve got a really important item I need to add to my wish list.   Actually, I need you to put it at the top.  I’ve analyzed the playoff standings, read all the local sports pages, and I’ve come to the conlusion that you and your reindeer are the Jets’ only hope of  making the playoffs.  So if you can find it somewhere in your jovial heart to give us one very unlikely Christmas Miracle we promise to put out wings and beer next year instead of cookies and milk.  Even those of us who don’t celebrate Christmas will do it.  Kwanzanites, Jews, Muslims, Agnostics, Branch Davidians, Scientologists- there are Jets fans of all faiths, shapes, and sizes and we’ve really had a rough couple of months.

I know the team itself might not look like they deserve it, but Belichick cheats so neither do the Patriots.   Ever been to Boston?  Grumpy, wicked Retaaahhds everywhere…  Stay away Santa, trust me….

Saturday, December 20th, 2008
Jets Rumors & News

Anxiety for Jets fans is running high these days.  I spent half of my time behind the bar last night commiserating with customers hashing out our dire situation.  Dire because history tells us the Jets are going to fold like a totem pole made of cards when the Jets face the Seahawks.  In reality, the Jets are sitting pretty .

The abused puppy syndrome is running rampant throughout our ranks and causing us to lose focus on the real situation. Remember back when Favre first got here and we were all expecting him to get crushed between our patchwork line?  We didn’t know if he’d make it through one game much less the whole season.  The hope was a Wild Card birth:  the Patriots looked untouchable,  Thomas Jones looked suspect.  Would Favre and Coles ever get along?

Now, here we are in December sitting in 1st place with two easy games ahead of us and everyone I talked to last night drank their half full beers and cowered from …

Monday, December 15th, 2008

I’d Rather Get Beat Up In an Alley- Lucky

Jets Rumors & News

There I was, a grown ass man, on my knees two feet from the television.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this position, maybe twenty years.  It’s funny how desperation can drive a person all the way to the fetal position.  Jets paraphernalia lay strewn about the room; anything I could throw had already been chucked in a violent manner.  My Patriots fan roommate was already warming up his gloating voice.  My girlfriend was wearing a Jets Santa hat to humor me.  I’m not proud of this moment.  I was on my knees and I wasn’t even alone.

Favre couldn’t complete a pass in the fourth quarter, we went 3 and out from our own f%#@ing endzone, our defense couldn’t tackle Lynch if world peace depended on it, and we were down by four.  Dead in the water- that’s what I thought.  An entire season of almost heart attacks, huge victories, pathetic defeats, and nonsensical coaching was about to come to an end.  That’s when …

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008
Jets Rumors & News

No joke, my keyboard shorted out yesterday when I started working on this week’s post.  Coincidence?  I think not.  The last two games have been nothing but abysmal for Jets fans and the venom inside of me must have leaked out of my finger tips and fried my keyboard.  The venom is green  in case you wanted to know and it glows in the dark.

What the Jets appear to be missing is a big set of steel balls.  We look Timid. Afraid.  Very much like Daniel-san in the first Karate Kid.  We’re so close to getting the girl but because of our own stupid pranks (gadget play calls) we’re in a shower costume being chased down and beaten up by a bunch of teenage skeletons.  Where is Miyagi when your secondary needs him?

The forced delay in posting this gave me time to cool my Jets and reflect upon our situation.  The only real change is that there is zero room to wiggle here.  We must win …

Monday, December 1st, 2008
Jets Rumors & News

This is not a recap of the Jets loss to the Broncos.  This is not an analysis of what the Jets did wrong or what the Broncos did right.  I’m not going to discuss the effect this game had on the Jets’ playoff picture.  The next few paragraphs will be me ranting about some of the worst officiating I’ve ever seen.  I will be moaning about a bunch of jacka#% referees.  A bunch of fat, blind, monkey heads who couldn’t call a barn “red.”  A bunch of zebra-looking crooks who must have taken a bribe.  Nim-wits. Wanna be’s.  Puppy kickers.  Enemies of happiness.  Commie bastards.

I just thought you should know ahead of time.  Give you a little heads up before we get into it, you know?

What about that play is unchallengeable?  I know that you can challenge whether there was a fumble or not.  I also know you can challenge whether a player had possession of the ball or not.  So when the ref  says, “The …

Friday, November 28th, 2008
Jets Rumors & News

Speechless.  I expected a hard fought game.  I expected a low scoring affair.  Favre was going to get hit hard and sacked often.  Running the ball would be difficult.  Kerry Collins would have a monster game.  The previous sentence is a joke… I never expected Kerry Collins to have a good game.  I also never expected the Jets to come in and manhandle the undefeated Titans.

It looked like a lopsided arm wrestling match.  You know, for the briefest of moments the outcome is in doubt.  Then, WHAM!  one trucker slams the other trucker’s hand down on the table.  They quickly reposition and rematch or rewrestle or whatever they call it.  WHAM!  Hats are turned around!  WHAM!  They even go as far as to switch arms.  WHAM!  WHAM! WHAM! The same result every time.  The trucker with the green hat is just plain stronger than the other dude.

This Jets appeared far superior to the Titans in all fazes of the game.  Our offense put up points, our …

Friday, November 21st, 2008
Jets Rumors & News

Or I should say “Clash of the two teams that are undefeated wearing Titan’s jerseys.”

Tennessee is 10-0 and the Jets (wearing Titan’s costumes) are 2-0.  Something’s gotta give!

Last week’s victory against the Patriots validated the Brett Favre trade and allowed us Jets fans to enjoy a week of smiles and high fives.  It also gave us hope that this weekend the Jets can hand the Tennessee Titans their first loss.

Why on Earth would we feel this way?  The Jets struggled against weaker opponents- ok we lost to some of them-Hey Janikowski, Bach called, he wants his name back ya jerk.  All tangent’s aside (for now), the truth is that I still can’t take Kerri Collins seriously.  He’s winning games- good for him.  No one I know, no one I see on ESPN, no one I listen to on talk radio (that one day I was in a car last month) thinks the Titans are going to the Super Bowl.  They’re kind of like the anti-Jets; they …

Friday, November 14th, 2008

I’d Rather Get Beat Up in An Alley- Hallelujah!

Jets Rumors & News

Brett Favre and Leon Washington weren’t the only people who had to work on Thursday night.  I had a performance which started at 8:00.  Yeah I know, an actor who lives in New York – go figure.  Anyway, from about eight fifteen on I was a pacing, fingernail-biting mess backstage.  The Pats and Jets had kicked off and I had no idea what was going on.  There’s no cell reception in the theater so I was stuck clueless except the one score update I got from one of the actors in the dressing room at the end of the first quarter.  “10 to 3 Jets,” he told me.  I entertained the idea of running out at intermission and grabbing a quick look at the bar across the street but deemed it a dumb idea.  If it’s a close game I might miss the opening of the second act and I don’t think that would go over too well.  We took our bow at 10:02 and by …

Monday, November 10th, 2008
Jets Rumors & News

As in, “if you don’t stop talking trash I’m going to give you an ass whuppin!”

The Jets blew out a team that they were supposed to beat.  Finally. A blowout.  Big Time.

The Rams looked God-awful sure, but the Jets were unstoppable all over the football field.  Our defense is less Gang Green and more like a military road block in Iraq.  As good as our offense was (Thomas Jones is a human bowling ball) I think it was our defense that led to such a gaudy score.  47 to 3.  I really think the Jet’s d scared the Rams so badly that at times they were doing their best to just get off the field as quickly as possible.  Steven Jackson’s absence left the Rams in a practically hopeless situation.  They were going to have to throw the ball against a defense that knew what was coming.  So we blitzed, and intercepted, and stripped the Rams into submission.  It seemed like the Jets spent all of …

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

I’d Rather Get Beat Up in an Alley | Heroic

Jets Rumors & News

Can you tell how dramatic I’m capable of being by that title?  Heroic.  Right now it makes me think of Jason and the Argonauts or the Lord of the Rings or some really epic movie with swords.  Yesterday though, after watching our defense pretty much play for an entire half without a break that’s the word that came to mind.  At one point Gang Green was on the field for 27 straight plays without allowing any points to be scored.  When the Bills elected to go for it on 4th down from the Jets 8 yard line I have to admit I was nervous as hell.  Fred Jackson got stuffed hard and the Jets defense made a huge statement that this team sorely needed.  Oh yeah, and Kris Jenkins is an absolute beast.  His Kung Fu is strong and if anyone wants to run up the middle they have to somehow get by his awesome enormousness.  He’s like Moby Dick but well, you know…

This was a …

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