The Knicks won a game this week! And The Answer may be coming to New York (so the question must be: Will a desperate team do anything to keep their fans interested?). But with last Friday’s loss, the Knicks established the worst 10-game start in franchise history. Things could be a lot worse, though; here are some other bad starts throughout history that may help them feel better about themselves: The Hindenburg blew up over New Jersey on the first of its 10 scheduled round-trips between Europe and the United States, killing 36 people; the Titanic hit an iceberg and sunk four days into its maiden voyage; William Henry Harrison died of a cold one month into his presidency in 1841; Wally Backman lasted four days as manager of the Arizona Diamondbacks before he was unceremoniously shown the door; Gilligan’s three-hour tour got off to an inauspicious start, getting stranded on a deserted island for 15 years, until the castaways were miraculously rescued, followed by them buying the island but almost losing it in an evil scam until they were helped out of the jam by the Harlem Globetrotters; Richie Cunningham’s brother Chuck on Happy Days appeared in only two episodes in the first season and was never heard from again; the Seattle Pilots existed for one measly year before moving to Milwaukee; and my career selling rodeo tickets over the phone lasted two days before I woke up and came to my senses. The lesson in all this for the Knicks is that they could explode in a fireball over New Jersey at any moment, sink to the bottom of the ocean taking Leonardo DiCaprio with them or be written out of the NBA altogether like Chuck Cunningham was. The best case scenario for the team: The Harlem Globetrotters come to the Garden and save their ass.

That takes care of the Knicks; now let’s look at the other local teams and we’ll put fun, convenient labels on them to boot:

An Efficient Machine

Devils: Their nine-game road winning streak (one short of tying the NHL record) and eight-game overall winning streak both ended on Monday night in Philly on Dave Schultz Night, as he was inducted into the Flyers Hall of Fame. Is there any significance or special meaning to that? Schultz was the personification of the brawling 1970s, and holds the all-time single-season record for penalty minutes, with 472 in 1974-’75. Isn’t it about time that somebody started a Hockey Goon Hall of Fame? (Trivia: Schultz’s brother appeared in Slap Shot as an opposing player.) Jacques Lemaire and the Devils are the epitome of defensive hockey. They rank 21^st in goals per game, at 2.56, but their league-leading 2.07 goals against average has them in first place in the Atlantic Division (despite two losses in a row). Lemaire spent much of his playing days learning how to play defense by centering a line with Guy Lafleur and Steve Shutt, as he had to backcheck his way through many a game, while those two sharp shooters poured in goal after goal.

Surprise Team

Islanders: After getting off to a rocky start, the Islanders are one of the surprise teams of the NHL. That’s what hard work will do for you. John Tavares is living up to his billing (19 points), while Matt Moulson is turning into the find of the century (18 points). They’re going in the opposite direction than the Rangers, who they’ve caught in the standings, both totaling 23 points.

Sinking (But it’s a Long Season)

Rangers: The good times (7-1 start) are over (4-8-1 since). They can’t score, they’re not tough enough, they’re too easy to play against, they take too many penalties, they have too many defensive breakdowns and they’re shorthanded at center with no replacements in sight. Can they recover or is the makeup of the roster too much to overcome? Maybe John Tortorella should start crying. That seems to be the coaching technique du jour.

Sinking (But There’s Still Hope)

Giants: They had their best week in over a month, with Dallas, Philly and even Atlanta (if you’re starting to keep track of the wild card race) all losing. The Giants haven’t looked this good since they defeated Oakland. The key to their success, of course, was not actually playing a game. Their best strategy from here on out may be to not take the field at all. Can you decline the rest of your schedule the way you can decline a penalty and take your chances on your present record?

Sinking (And They’re Running Out of Time)

Jets: The Jets players are making their coach cry. But poor clock management, wasted timeouts, a plethora of turnovers and a defense that can’t make the big stop are making Jet fans cry. The team has the swagger part down; it’s just the beating the opponent part that’s troubling them. Mark Sanchez has a prepared statement all set to go for his next postgame press conference on why he entered a hot dog eating contest at halftime of their game up in New England on Sunday.

Disaster

Nets: The Nets are doing even worse than the Knicks, and are planning to jump back to the ABA before they have a chance to go 0-82. They’re hoping to put a schedule together and play against the Spirits of St, Louis, San Diego Conquistadors, Virginia Squires, Memphis Tams and Kentucky Colonels once again and regain their dominance in that defunct league. They play the Knicks on Saturday (if they can scrounge up enough players). Will the world explode if one of those teams actually wins the game?

The usual state of affairs when the Rangers sign a free agent goes something like this: Free agent is past his prime with his best days well behind him, he signs an outrageously sized contract and then plays like crap while laughing all the way to the bank (see Redden, Wade or Fleury, Theo). But the Blueshirts have hit the jackpot this year, with Marian Gaborik, Vinny Prospal and Ales Kotalik (well, three out of four ain’t bad – Donald Brashear and the word “jackpot” don’t go together – except to his agent). Unfortunately, it’s the rest of the roster that’s dragging the team down.

Gaborik, Prospal and Kotalik have scored a combined 26 goals. The Rangers have a total of 62, which means those three free-agent pickups have contributed 42% of the team’s scoring. Prospal’s the bargain of the century, with his one-million-dollar contract (I’m so old I remember when a million dollars was a lot of money). Kotalik gives the Rangers the point man on the power play they’ve been missing the last few years. And Gaborik is having his best season, which says a lot. We surely haven’t been able to say that very often: A New York Ranger free-agent acquisition is having his best season ever.

So where the heck has everybody else gone? Let’s run through the rogues’ gallery of underperformers. Christopher Higgins: 2 goals; Chris Drury: 2 goals; Sean Avery: 2 goals; Ryan Callahan: 3 goals; Brandon Dubinsky: 3 goals; Enver Lisin: 3 goals. That’s 15 goals by six of your top nine forwards, and a pace of 8 or 12 goals for the season for all of them. Artem Anisimov has probably played better than all those guys. Callahan hits everybody in sight, but he’s got to start scoring more than he is. And the rest of those guys aren’t doing much of anything to go along with not scoring.

The power play, which helped carry the team during their 7-1 start, is now in a slump. Nobody besides Gaborik, Prospal, Kotalik and Michael Del Zotto are producing any offense. And combine those scoring woes with a mistake-filled defense, and the result is a not-too-surprising 4-8-1 record in their last 13 games.

The Rangers’ big off-season purchases are carrying the team. But they’re only carrying them to mediocrity because nobody else wants to come along for the ride.

In 2006, the Mets were one game away from the World Series. And that’s been their biggest problem the last three years. They still think they’re one game away from the World Series. But they’re not. And they’re not even close. 2006 was their year. It was their chance. Their opportunity. And they blew it. And they’ve been a step behind, plugging holes, sticking their finger in the dike, fixing last year’s problems, or even the problems from the year before that, ever since. Unfortunately, the big problems who go by the names of Omar Minaya and Jerry Manuel (is Wally Backman waiting in the wings now that he’s been hired to manage Brooklyn? God, I hope so) are still here, so we’ll have to live with them at least through the beginning of the 2010 season.

The Mets’ failings are more than the bullpen issues of ’07 and ’08, and more than the power outage and injuries of ’09. The team needs more than Matt Holliday and John Lackey (though they definitely need them). The Mets have shown a glaring lack of hustle, effort, competence, intensity and anything that remotely resembles solid fundamentals on the baseball field. They need a wholesale change of culture. They’ve been much too blasé about winning over the last few years. What they need is a more powerful will to win. All too often we saw them shrug their shoulders when losing started piling up, with the attitude that they’d start winning sometime in the vague, nebulous future. “You can’t win ’em all,” was the phrase they seemed to so easily embrace. When the Mets traded for Jeff Francouer, my first reaction was, “Now I have to root for that guy?” He was the last player I thought I would like, but he’s shown more intensity with a will to win than any other player on the team. We all know about his shortcomings at the plate and he’s probably not as good a fielder as his defensive reputation makes him out to be, but he’s the kind of complementary player the Mets need. If he’s batting sixth or seventh, fine. Not every player in the lineup can have a .400 OBP. He’s got that football player mentality that no one else on the roster possesses (well, except Johan Santana). There’s no need to trade Carlos Beltran, David Wright or Jose Reyes, but they need a new breed of sidekicks in order for the Mets to change their ways on the field.

The Omar Minaya Mets don’t have any grit and toughness. No team is going to win with nine David Ecksteins or nine Jeff Francouers; you need more talent than that to be a successful team. But, no, grit and toughness don’t have to be “intangibles.” If you barrel over the catcher, instead of gently sliding around him, Mets-style (or not even sliding at all), and knock the ball out of his glove to score a run, that’s tangible. That shows up on the stat sheet. Francouer’s the only Met I could even imagine knocking over a catcher. If you block a base preventing an easy path for an opposing team’s base runner and tag him out, that’s tangible. If a fielder sacrifices his body to get in front of a hard-hit ball (Carlos Delgado could barely put in the effort to move his body at all to field a grounder, let alone get in front of a ball, and Wright’s come up with a bad case of the olés the past year) and record an out, that’s tangible. And just running out pop-ups and ground balls can do wonders for a team.

There are rumors the Mets are looking to trade Luis Castillo, with names like Orlando Hudson, Chone Figgins and Brandon Phillips popping up as possible replacements. Good. The Mets need to cut ties with guys like Castillo, and Delgado and Fernando Tatis as well. And their starting rotation is in a shambles. Would you trust Mike Pelfrey, John Maine and Oliver Perez to be three-fifths of your rotation? I can propose some cockamamie trades and signings, but like many Internet/blog proposals, they’d never happen and I’m not smart enough to come up with realistic trade proposals or think I can be a GM. So I’ll just say the Mets need to do more than add a couple of free agents. You can’t keep bringing the same players back and expect different results. Beltran recently stated that he wants to see Delgado back for another year. I surely wouldn’t expect him to publicly say that he doesn’t want the first baseman to return, but I don’t think the players realize the team has bigger problems than last year’s injuries.

The Mets are more than one free agent signing away from being a World Series contender. They need to reshuffle their roster, and import a different brand of player. The Mets look at themselves in the mirror and think all they have to do is comb their hair and straighten their tie and they’ll be all right, when, in fact, they’re not even wearing any pants. They need to stop looking to fix the past and instead find a plan and identity for the future.

The Yankees win the World Series and as soon as you can say the words “Johnny Damon wants a four-year contract” the rest of the New York–area teams go down the tubes. They went a combined 5-11 this past week. It must be a hangover. Are all the local teams riding on the Yankees’ coattails and going to all of their parties? It’s also possible that many of the area teams just stink. The Knicks and Nets went a combined 0-7 this week, and are 1-16 for the year, for instance. It was only the always-good Devils that skewed the combined record by going 4-0, and they barely count as a local team.

Here’s a day-by-day look at the past seven days.

Friday: The injury-riddled Nets lost to Philly, which kept them winless for the season, and the Devils beat the Islanders in a continuation of the New Jersey–Long Island War of 1801, in which it was so cold and icey out during the Battle of Massapequa that both sides just gave up after 15 minutes and vowed to resume fighting “when they invent the game of hockey and the Colorado Rockies move to New Jersey.” The big highlight of the evening was, of course, the Knicks game. And, as expected, the Knicks were humiliated by LeBron James and the Cavs. They fought back bravely at the end, but who were they kidding? The game was secondary, though, as the real story was: Will LeBron come to New York next year? The Knicks owe it to their fans after shipping Walt Frazier off to Cleveland as compensation for signing Jim Cleamons and forcing him to wear those yellow, orange and red stripey uniforms. Here’s an argument for both sides of the LeBron to New York or LeBron stays in Cleveland debate.

5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Come to New York:

1. On his days off, he can go to Rudy’s and take advantage of the free hot dogs.

2. New York City is the talcum powder capital of the world.

3. He should to get out of town before Eric Mangini’s losing rubs off on him.

4. He can fulfill his lifelong dream of playing in a softball league on Randall’s Island during the summer.

5. Drew Carey will finally have to move out of his basement.

5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Stay in Cleveland:

1. There’s better oompah music in Cleveland.

2. It’s closer to his vacation home in Toledo.

3. If he comes to New York, Braylon Edwards will have to be traded back to Cleveland.

4. The only Knick players worth having as teammates have long retired.

5. He gets to hang out with Willie Mays Hayes.

Saturday: The Rangers lost the game to Calgary and lost two centers to boot. Chris Drury was knocked upside the head with a cheap shot but his teammates just let it slide. The Knicks continued their losing ways, falling to Milwaukee, 102-97. “We got outplayed so badly in the first quarter, it really didn’t matter what happened after that,” stated David Lee. It’s looking like you can probably say that about the whole season. The Nets lost. Again. That Russian billionaire might want his money back at this point. The surging Devils beat Ottawa, 3-2, and the scrappy Islanders defeated Atlanta, 6-3. How fun would it be to have three top-notch hockey teams in the area? How good would it be to just have three hockey teams in the area? The Isles can’t go to Kansas City, can they?

Sunday: The Giants suffered a crushing loss. Sure, the Chargers have pretty cool helmets but that’s no excuse for the Jints to lose. Their defense is just not the same as previous seasons. Where have you gone, Steve Spagnuolo? Giants fans turn their lonely eyes to you. And the offensive game-calling was conservative, playing not to lose instead of to win. As my daughter once told me after a heated game of Go Fish, “YOU PLAY . . . TO WIN . . . THE GAME!”

Monday: The Knicks lost a heartbreaker to Utah. It was the Toney Douglas show, but he just couldn’t make that last shot. Will he soon be taking over for Chris Duhon? In better news, Brian Leetch, Lou Lamoriello and John Davidson were all enshrined in the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Tuesday: There weren’t any local games, so nobody could lose on this day. Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter won Gold Gloves today, though. No one can argue with the wizardry of Teixeira at first, and Jeter had one of his best seasons on defense. In the past, Sabremetricians were rolling over in their graves when Jeter would win a Gold Glove. And the ones that weren’t dead were rolling their eyes. And the ones that were wearing eye patches were shrugging their shoulders. And the ones who had their shoulders amputated due to too much shrugging, well, they have bigger problems than Jeter’s fielding. Speaking of big problems, a svelte Eddy Curry returned to practice. He lost weight easily once he realized the diet he was on for the past year wasn’t working. He had been trying one of those celebrity fad diets: James Gandolfini’s All Little Italy All the Time Diet.

Wednesday: The Knicks had a big lead but lost to Atlanta. Douglas had his second straight 20-plus point game, after being inserted into the starting lineup as the shooting guard. The Nets announced before their game vs. Philly that they would be changing their name to the Washington Generals, and on cue they went out and lost. The Devils just keep on winning, though, beating Anaheim. And the Islanders scored a late goal to send the game into OT, but ultimately lost in a marathon shootout to Washington. Both teams ran out of players so Guy Charron had to come out of retirement to score the game-winner for the Caps.

Thursday: The Devils moved into first place with their victory last night in Pittsburgh, which was their ninth straight road win to start the season. One more ties the NHL record. And the wrong-way Rangers keep going backwards. Marian Gaborik scored as usual, and they got two goals from the center position playing with their makeshift lineup, but bad defense, too many penalties and not enough effort did them in again.

Eighteen games into the Rangers’ season and this is what we’ve seen so far: the effort comes and goes, the scoring comes and goes, the forecheck comes and goes, the backchecking comes and goes and the defense comes and goes. And they’re not very physical, as we saw when no one stood up for Chris Drury on Saturday night. Their 7-1 start has been followed by a 3-6-1 stretch, so they’re also inconsistent. With a break in the Rangers’ schedule, now’s a good time to divide up the roster into four categories and see which players are overachieving, which are underachieving and which are, unfortunately, Michal Rozsival.

Godsends: Marian Gaborik, Vinny Prospal, Michael Del Zotto, Matt Gilroy. Gaborik has done everything and more that was expected of him when he signed. He’s seamlessly fit in with the Rangers and produced at a superstar level. Health remains the only question mark for him. Prospal’s given the team more than was expected, and has certainly earned the A on his sweater. Maybe he even deserves the C. He and Gaborik have great chemistry going, and the scoring load has fallen on their shoulders. Nobody knew how Del Zotto and Gilroy would fare when the season started, and both have thrived. Del Zotto is the best offensive defenseman on the team, with improving defense and is becoming more physical. And Gilroy has been very sturdy, with flashes of offense.

Surprises: Artem Anisimov, Ales Kotalik. Anisimov has stepped into the lineup and been solid all around. And with the team now shorthanded at the center position, he’s sure to get more playing time to prove himself. Kotalik has shored up the power play with his play at the point and has been one of the few players besides Gaborik and Prospal to provide offense.

As Expected: Henrik Lundqvist, Stephen Valiquette, Michal Rozsival, Wade Redden, Enver Lisin, Aaron Voros, Brian Boyle. These are “as expected (great or good),” “as expected (still developing),” “as expected (fourth liners at best)” and “as expected (God help us all).” You can guess which are which.

Disappointments: Chris Higgins, Chris Drury, Brandon Dubinsky, Ryan Callahan, Marc Staal, Dan Girardi, Sean Avery, Donald Brashear. It took Higgins until the 16^th game to score his first goal (but then scored in the next game, too). No matter how many MSG-produced press releases Sam Rosen and Joe Micheletti read to us during the games, Drury isn’t having a good season. The announcers make it seem like the team has ordered Drury not to score goals. It’s possible he may be back on the ice as early as Thursday’s game against Atlanta, though. This was the year that Staal was going to become a star, wasn’t it? He’s obviously still good but isn’t having the kind of breakout season the team was hoping for. And Girardi has taken turns being awful and great. Dubinsky and Callahan just aren’t producing enough. But the team will sure miss Dubinsky the next month or two. Avery is not playing like the Avery we all love (or hate). Is he afraid to make mistakes and feel the wrath of John Tortorella? And finally, Brashear’s been injured, and when he plays he’s useless. He couldn’t even win a fight when he bothered fighting.

(Congratulations to Hall-of-Famers Brian Leetch and John Davidson.)

What do you do when you lose a self-proclaimed must-win game? The Giants did just that yesterday, wrenching defeat from the jaws of victory. That’s four losses in a row and counting. And they’ve lost each game in a different way: A bad defensive effort started things off, the offense then followed suit, a total team disaster was next and now a crushing, last-minute defeat rounds things out. Let’s count the ways the Giants blew yesterday’s game vs. the Chargers.

The first ominous sign was the botched field goal attempt on the first drive of the game. When the play happened, it looked like Lawrence Tynes just decided to not kick the ball. Was there a fake field goal on, but he was the only one who knew about it? Did the voices in his head tell him a trick play was on? The announcers were no help as they didn’t have a clue as to what happened. But on closer inspection, Jeff Feagles mishandled the snap and everything fell apart from there. Those were the winning three points right there at the beginning of the game.

The Giants can’t score touchdowns. Their red zone foibles are well-documented, settling for field goals ways too often. They have first and goal at the four-yard line with about three minutes to go in the game, and a TD would put the whole shebang on ice. Instead of an easy score, they went backwards. Chris Snee’s holding penalty was the first fly in the ointment. It looks like the guard will be sitting at the kids’ table on Thanksgiving at his father-in-law’s house this year. A short pass followed on first down. And then two handoffs to Brandon Jacobs. Third and goal to go at the nine and you’re handing off? Yes, it takes time off the clock, but you have to try and score a touchdown there. That’s bad play-calling and way too conservative. They’re trying not to lose, instead of trying to win. And what happens when you try not to lose? You end up losing, of course.

Big Blue committed nine penalties for 104 yards. Not good. Where’s the team discipline? The Snee penalty was the backbreaker, but the penalties were going on all game long.

After not trusting his offense in the last few minutes of the game, Tom Coughlin entrusted his defense to stop San Diego on their last drive and his trust was misplaced. After looking impressive for most of the game, and especially the two previous times they were on the field, the D couldn’t make the big stop at the end. The pressure on the QB disappeared the last two minutes, as the Chargers marched downfield with ease and scored the TD they needed to win the game. Corey Webster was beaten and there was no help behind him. The O couldn’t score the touchdown they needed, and the D couldn’t prevent the one they had to stop.

The Giants have next week off to stew in their own stink. There are only seven games left, but there’s always hope they can stop the downward spiral and turn their season around. At least I hope there’s hope. Because without hope all you’re left with is the Cleveland Browns.

Finally! The waiting is over! After nine long years without a World Series victory, the Yankees are champs once again. Nobody suffers like a Yankees fan. Think of the toll all those championship-less years have taken on an eight-year-old Yankee fan who’s never seen his favorite team win. After overcoming the Curse of Danny Cater by winning it all in ’77 and the Curse of Hiring a Manager Named Stump with the team’s ’96 Series win, the Bombers have now wiped out the Curse of Giving Us the Image of Jason Giambi in a Thong. This year’s Yankees were a heartwarming story of pies to the face and walk-off wins, and they were, of course, built the old-fashioned way: By buying up every free agent star on the market and paying hundreds of millions of dollars to them. The World Series celebration was more subdued this year because the only people who can afford to go to a Yankee game are the players and their Hollywood girlfriends. But however big their payroll is, they got it done on the field, so they earned it. And the Phillies were certainly no pushovers.

Instead of the usual Player of the Week mumbo jumbo, here are some World Series observations and fun facts:

With their 27^th championship, the Yanks have won 25.7% of all World Series. Whether you love ’em or hate ’em, that’s impressive.

Out of all the players in the history of baseball who have styled their hair using bacon grease, Chase Utley is without a doubt the best of the bunch.

Johnny Damon’s mad dash to an uncovered third base was the best play of the Series and will be the signature highlight of this Fall Classic. If this postseason has taught us anything, it’s that other teams can be as boneheaded and fundamentally lacking as the Mets.

Bud Selig is coming closer and closer to fulfilling his dream of having a baseball game played on Thanksgiving.

If it was his last game with the Bronx Bombers, Hideki Matsui made his mark as a Yankee in this Series, by batting .615 with three home runs and eight RBI’s, and driving in six runs in the clincher, which tied a record set by fellow-Yankee Bobby Richardson in 1960. Matsui also announced after the game that he would be releasing a tell-all book entitled, Stuff I Overheard in the Yankee Clubhouse After Tricking Everybody Into Thinking I Didn’t Speak English.

Is there a cooler character than Cliff Lee? He might as well have been throwing pitches between taking bites of a sandwich.

Do you think Tim McCarver tries to predict every little moment at home like he does when announcing a game? “I can tell we’re going to have pot roast tonight, kids, because your mother is opening the oven door with her left hand. And when she wears an oven mitt on each hand, you just know she’s going to be pulling out a big roast of some kind.”

Phillie fans think Joe Buck is pro–New York and Yankee fans feel he’s pro-Philadelphia. But, come on, he hates all of us East Coasters. His allegiance is to Anheuser-Busch and St. Louis.

I imagine the word “choking” won’t be coming out of Cole Hamels’ mouth on the radio this offseason.

Alex Rodriguez finally got his World Series ring. Thank God―we were all worried for him. Will he love himself even more now? Imagine the makeout sessions with the mirror this winter.

Jimmy Rollins made a nice fool of himself with his Patrick Ewing-like prediction before the Series. Maybe he should stop with the yapping and use that time to take some extra batting practice. That’s two years in a row he’s left the heavy lifting for his teammates (.217 in this year’s Series; .227 last year).

It looks like Mark Teixeira is the new/old A-Rod, with his .136 average. Lucky for him the Yankees won.

The performance of the Phillies’ bullpen was no surprise, but the rest of the Phillies didn’t look like the Phillies. What happened to Ryan Howard (he broke the World Series record for most strikeouts, with 13, and batted .174), Rollins, Shane Victorino (.182) and even Pedro Feliz (.174)? That didn’t resemble the Philadelphia team we’ve seen over the last few years.

Andy Pettitte was the winning pitcher in each postseason series clincher for the Yanks this year. Every Yankee fan knows he’s the pitcher you want in a big game. They also know if they need steroids, Pettitte can round some up for them in a pinch.

Joe Girardi: Lucky or genius?

The Yankees announced this morning that they will be charging a nominal $2,500 fee to each fan who attends today’s parade. “If we ripped them off before we won the World Series, think of what we can do now that we’re champs. They’re not the greatest fans in the world for nothing,” they stated in a press release.

The Giants’ transformation from an elite NFL team to ineffectual mediocrity is astounding. Against the Saints, the defense was the culprit; against the Cardinals, it was the offense; but yesterday against the Eagles, it was every aspect of the team that was horrible. The Giants are misfiring on all cylinders. Alarms are sounding, and people are running to the panic room. Are the Giants in a slump? Or are they a bad team? Whichever the case, they’re looking pretty ugly these days, and I mean Oakland Raiders ugly.

Right now, the defense can’t stop anybody – or anything. If a stray dog ran out onto the field, it would run right by the 11 men on defense and score a touchdown. Johnny Damon would go wild against these guys. Not only wouldn’t they be covering third base, they wouldn’t cover home plate either. The Giants certainly miss Kenny Phillips, Aaron Ross, Michael Boley and Chris Canty, but do they miss them that much? They’ve given up so many points the last three weeks, I thought I was watching the beginning of the NBA season. Is Mike D’Antoni their new defensive coordinator? “There were a lot of times all you can do is throw your hands in the air and wonder why,” said Justin Tuck. Giant fans everywhere are wondering why, too, Justin. “There’s a reason, and we need to find it out.” You have one week, now get going.

On the offensive side of the ball, Eli Manning is turning into an interception machine, and when he’s not throwing picks, he’s tossing the ball 20 feet over a receiver’s head. Are they running bad routes or is he just stinking it up right now? Is his foot affecting his eyesight? And when the Giants were behind by, oh, 90 points, in the third quarter, there was absolutely no urgency by the team. They were happy-assing their way to the huddle and line of scrimmage, and then handing off on every play while time quickly ticked away. Were they even trying? They could have at least pretended like they wanted to win the game. Sure, the one-two punch of the shredded D and Manning’s INT put the game into garbage-time mode within minutes of the opening kickoff, but where’s the competence and discipline? Where’s the effort and fire?

The Giants are disappointing us all right now. They’re slacking off and not playing up to their potential. Tom Coughlin needs to start acting like my father. Should he call them a bunch of idiots and take away the car keys? Ground them until they’ve learned their lesson and start playing the way they’re capable of playing? Kick their ass because they’re ruining the family name? However he does it, he needs to find the answer and find it fast. There’s still half a season left, but they’re sinking like a stone in the standings. How did they get so bad so quickly? What happened?

All anybody’s talking about in the New York area is the Islanders’ first regulation win over the Rangers (though Jimmy Rollins predicted it on Monday). You can’t walk down the street without somebody stopping you and asking all about the hockey team from Long Island. Will they get on a roll? Is John Tavares the real deal? Islanders, Islanders, Islanders! Everybody’s forgetting all about the bad start of the two local basketball teams, and does anybody even know that the Yankees are in the World Series this year? All the Islanders-all-the-time talk is really taking the pressure off the other local teams.

Here at Hot Stove, we know that the Yankees are in the World Series again, as you can’t get anything by us. The Bronx Bombers paid their $200 million entry fee into the Series, setting up a rematch of the 1950 Fall Classic. And with so many off-days, it seems like there are about 59 years between games in this postseason. In the Series we’ve already seen Cliff Lee nonchalantly put the Bombers’ bats to sleep, and in game two the Yankees proved once again to be Pedro Martinez’s daddy. After the game, Martinez also claimed that Mark Teixeira was his uncle, Hideki Matsui a distant cousin and Jorge Posada was his Aunt Lucille. People in New York may not care for the Phillies (or Eagles or Sixers or Flyers), but not everything from Philly is bad. They did give us two of America’s greatest cultural achievements (no, not Chase Utley’s hair): Cheesesteaks and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Of course, the mayors from the two cities made their usual bet on the Series. Many ideas were tossed around on what the bet would consist of: If the Yankees lose, New York City would change its name to Mike Schmidtville, if Philly loses it would change to Little Smellier New York; if the Phils win NYC would have to replace the Statue of Liberty with a 300-foot statue of the Philly Phanatic, if the Yanks win Philadelphia has to tear down its statue of Rocky and put one up of Clue Haywood; if the Phillies win Pedro Martinez gets to slam the Yankee coach of his choice to the ground once more for old time’s sake, if the Yankees win A.J. Burnett gets to smash a pie filled with stuff fished out of the East River in Shane Victorino’s face. They finally settled on the losing city just disappearing from the face of the earth.

In local football news, the Jets and Giants beat Oakland this season by a combined score of 82-7. The Jets kept things simple for Mark Sanchez, who spent the game eating hot dogs in the huddle while watching his running backs go wild. Teams instantly get back on track when playing the Raiders, but can it work like that in real life, also? If your marriage is on the rocks, can you spend the day with the Oakland Raiders and you’ll be on your way to a second honeymoon? Failing out of high school? Will three hours with the Raiders get those grades back up and you’ll find yourself enrolling in Harvard? If your life is falling apart because of an alcohol problem, will running around the football field for an afternoon with the Raiders put everything back into place? Are the Oakland Raiders the cure for all of our problems?

Player of the Week

Shonn Greene: The Jets rookie stepped in when Leon Washington was lost for the season, and gained a whopping 144 yards and scored two touchdowns. But how many spellings of the name ‘Sean’ do we need? Shonn, Chone, Shean, Sean, Shaun, Shawn. Stop the madness.

Runners Up

A.J. Burnett: The Yanks needed Burnett to come up big, and he was clutch in game two, throwing seven strong innings and outdueling Pedro.

Mariano Rivera: After getting a two-inning save to close out the Angels on Sunday, Rivera did it again last night to save game two of the World Series (though he got a little help from the umps).

Mark Teixeira/Hideki Matsui: Each blasted a homer to right, which was enough offense for the Bronx Bombers. But what’s happening to Alex Rodriguez? 0-8 with six strikeouts in the Series? Uh-oh.

Thomas Jones: Another day at the office for Jones – 121 yards and a TD.

Jets Offensive Line: They only let up one sack and have blocked their way to being the first team to have back-to-back 300 rushing yards since the 1975 Bills, who, of course, featured O.J. Simpson. Let’s just hope that none of these linemen become A.C. Cowlings to Thomas Jones’ O.J.

Calvin Pace: The busy linebacker had three sacks, seven tackles and two forced fumbles. But does it really count if it’s against Oakland?

Andy Pettitte: The veteran lefty notched his record-setting 16^th postseason win, while clinching the ALCS for the Yanks on Sunday.

Kevin Boss: The Giants tight end had three catches, but the one late in the game when he was almost knocked unconscious with a helmet to helmet hit earns him a spot here. That’s one tough dude.

Jeff Tambellini: The Islanders went 1-0-2, this week, and Tambellini picked up three goals and an assist along the way.

Brook Lopez: The Nets big man scored 27 points, hauled in 15 rebounds and blocked five shots, but the Nets still collapsed in Minnesota.

Marian Gaborik: The Ranger star had five points in two games, and left a gaping hole in the lineup when he missed Wednesday’s game.

R.I.P. Bill Chadwick: Legendary Rangers announcer The Big Whistle died on Saturday, at the age of 94. He was colorful, loud and fun. I ranked him #7 on my painstakingly non-researched post of the best local announcers of the last 40 years. He was originally a referee and invented the hand signals that refs still use today. I was watching the Rangers game when his death was announced, which reminds me of the time when I was a kid and was viewing the back-to-back Hogan’s Heroes episodes that channel 5 used to show from 11 PM–midnight, when the news team cut in with the startling report that the show’s star Bob Crane was murdered. I instantly blamed Colonel Klink. Coincidence? Synchronicity? The ghost of Bob Crane has haunted me ever since, though. I constantly wake up to find radios in my coffee pot, tunnels built under my house and Lebeau’s strudel sitting on my kitchen counter.

Schmuck of the Week

Eli Manning: The Giants QB may have been over-thinking things a little too much by changing plays at the line of scrimmage on every down, taking two delay of game penalties along the way and throwing three picks. Or was he listening to the Yankees game in the radio in his helmet?  At any rate, Manning had trouble hooking up with his receivers all game long and never seemed to solve Arizona’s defense.

The Rangers ended their three-game losing streak by beating Phoenix last night, 5-2, winning the game for former Ranger announcer Bill “The Big Whistle” Chadwick. “We’re dedicating our season to the announcing legend. So much of my youth was spent watching the Rangers on channel 9, listening to the antics of Chadwick and his partner, Jim Gordon, that for a while there, I thought Chadwick was my father, and my real dad was just some guy from the neighborhood who sat around the living room drinking vodka all the time. We had to win this game for The Big Whistle or I’d never forgive myself,” said captain Chris Drury. (Ok, he didn’t come close to saying that; I said it to myself while I was riding on the subway this morning.)

The Blueshirts were going the wrong way the last week or so, but last night they turned things around and put in a steady performance. They fell asleep after taking a 4-0 lead, and got off to a rocky start in the third period when Dan Girardi took a penalty before he even got out of the locker room, put they took care of business the rest of the way. Brandon Dubinsky and Chris Higgins were set free from chateau bowwow, and both had solid games, though Higgins still can’t buy himself a goal. The defense played well, and Michael Del Zotto is now tied for the NHL lead in points for defensemen, with 12. The team didn’t constantly turn the puck over like they had been, they didn’t make mistakes in the neutral zone and they were quicker to the puck, getting back to the way they want to play the game. And their special teams continue to be among the best in the league.

The stars of the game were the revamped first-liners: Marian Gaborik, Vinny Prospal and Enver Lisin. Gaborik and Prospal continue to impress, performing as well as anyone could have expected. And the talented Lisin seems to fit right in with the two veterans. As John Tortorella stated, “I think you often put a young kid that doesn’t have the skill that he has in a top position and it may not work. Lis is a talented player and is getting better away from the puck.” Prospal is now two assists behind Joe Thornton for the league lead. The consistently great Gaborik is now tied for the league lead in goals, with 10, and is second in points (18). But we heard the five words no Ranger fan wants to hear last night: “Gaborik limps off the ice.” He claims the injury is not to his hip or groin, both which have given him problems in the past, and no one around the team seems to be concerned, so hopefully it’s just a routine “lower body” injury and he’ll be back for Wednesday’s game.

The Rangers need to find a little more consistency, and play a full 60 minutes, but as Dave Maloney said after the game, they’re a work in progress, with many new players and a new coach. They got back to their winning ways last night, and, surely, The Big Whistle in the sky was up there watching this game, and I could have sworn I heard him yell, “Shoot the puck, Del Zotto! Shoot the puck!”