The Knicks recently celebrated the 40^th anniversary of their first championship, which got me to thinking – and yes, this is what I think about while cracking open my ninth beer of the night: New York-area teams have a seven-decade championship streak on the line this year. For the last seven decades (and eight out of nine) a New York team has played in a championship game when the year ends in a zero. Sometimes they lost, sometimes they won, but they reached the final game or series. Coincidence? Yeah, but so what? Let’s look back anyway.

The year 2000 was a bonanza. The Yankees and Mets squared off in the World Series, the Devils won the Stanley Cup and the Giants made it to the Super Bowl but lost to Baltimore (the game was played in 2001 but it was the 2000 season). In 1990, the Giants beat Buffalo in the Super Bowl (wide right!). The Islanders won the first of four consecutive Stanley Cups in 1980. The Knicks, of course, won their first championship in 1970. The Yankees lost a heartbreaker to Bill Mazeroski and the Pirates in 1960. 1950 saw the Yanks defeat the Whiz Kid Phillies for their second of five Series wins in a row, and the Rangers were defeated by Detroit in the Stanley Cup. 1940? The Rangers won, of course, beating Toronto for their third Stanley Cup victory. The streak’s broken link is 1930. Native New Yorkers the Marx Brothers released Animal Crackers that year – does that count? The Brooklyn Dodgers (or Robins, as they were sometimes known as back then, when they temporarily changed their name in honor of their manager, Wilbert Robinson) lost to Cleveland in 1920. I don’t know what happened in 1910. None of the three local baseball teams reached the World Series, and the football, basketball and hockey teams didn’t exist yet. Maybe Theodore Roosevelt won a bear wrestling championship or Christy Mathewson was victorious in a design-the-most-creative-straw-hat-and-win-a-Victrola contest.

So who will keep the streak alive this year? I think we can count out the Nets, Knicks and Islanders, and the Rangers would be a real, real long shot (ok, a real, real, real long shot). The Yankees, of course, have to be the favorite. David Wright thinks the Mets can make it to the World Series. The Devils always have a shot (but maybe Martin Brodeur is too depressed after being benched in the Olympics). And the Jets and Giants may get there if things break right for them. But it’s almost a guarantee that one of our teams will make it, right? Well, after you drink nine beers, it will seem like a lock.

Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this past week:

Close But No Cigar: The Friday snow storm and shovel-fest worked out so I could watch the U.S.-Finland game instead of going to work (after getting a foot and a half of snow, it was sunny out at my house on Friday afternoon – go figure), and the US of A gave those Finnish bastards a 6-1 stomping (they’re not really bastards but I don’t know enough about Finland to come up with a more fitting derogatory term). Canada won a thriller against Slovakia, setting up the gold medal game. I never thought I would root for Zach Parise, but when he scored that goal with 24 seconds left, there I was rooting for a Devil. It was shades of his father, Islander J.P. Parise, scoring the overtime goal that beat the Rangers in the first round of the 1975 playoffs. Why did Sidney Crosby of all people have to be the one to score the winning goal? Right after he put the puck in the net, he took a dive for old time’s sake and complained to the ref before celebrating with his teammates. It was fun while it lasted. And I guess it was all worth it just to listen to the sagacious ramblings of the always-insane William Shatner later that night. But why couldn’t he have sung “Rocket Man”? Now that would have been the perfect ending to the Winter Olympics.

Good News/Bad News: The good news: The Knicks destroyed Detroit on Wednesday, with four players scoring over 20 points (that hasn’t happened since the 1971 Baltimore Orioles – no wait, that was four 20-game winners on the same team; four 20-point scorers on the same team probably happened last week some time); the bad news: They were humiliated and embarrassed by Cleveland in the previous game. The good news: The Knicks beat Washington in overtime on Friday; the bad news: They followed that up with a loss to Memphis. The bad news: Tracy McGrady’s knees have been bothering him all week; the good news: The Knicks traded for his expiring contract, not his knees (and now he’s the point guard du jour). The good news: The Knicks won two out of four games this week; the bad news: Those are the only two games they’ve won in their last 12. The bad news: Eddy Curry is coming back; the good news: He can stand in the lane and distract the other team by having them stop and say, “Hey, I though you retired about 15 years ago.” The good news: Both Mike D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh manned up and took the blame for the Knicks defenseless, pathetic play of late; the bad news: The Knicks stink.

Do You Believe in Miracles?! No, I’m not talking about Olympic hockey, but the Nets beating the Celtics in Boston on Saturday. That’s pretty much as miraculous as it gets. Kevin Garnett wasn’t feeling so good about the loss: “I got nothing to say. I feel disgusted.” But the Nets still couldn’t manage to come up with their first winning streak of the year, when they blew a lead to Washington on Sunday. But they’ve won games two weeks in a row, now. That’s a miracle for them. In their last game of the week, they were blown out by Cleveland. So the Cavs beat the two local teams by a combined 50 points.

Dr. HGH: It’s probably much ado about nothing (though we shouldn’t believe anything players say these days, should we?), but the FBI recently questioned Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran and want to speak to Alex Rodriguez. They all have tenuous ties to Dr. Tony Galea, who is under investigation for conspiring to smuggle HGH into the U.S. from Canada. Reyes used the doctor’s shaken-not-stirred blood-spinning procedure last year, when he was trying to put his hamstring back together. At least Beltran answered all their questions without pulling a Sammy Sosa – “No inglés, señor.” No word on A-Rod’s link to the good doctor, but he’s already a steroid cheat as it is, so the damage is already done for him. Every day a new name comes out. Who’s next? Horace Clarke? Bill Sudakis? On the field, Reyes took the first pitch he saw this spring in game action and hammered it down the line for a two-run triple. And Jon Niese threw two innings without falling down while writhing in pain, so that’s some good news for the Mets so far this spring. Of course, the Mets were just playing against themselves. But the next day, they beat a real live actual team (the Braves), for their first win of the grapefruit league season, with talk-of-the-camp Ike Davis belting two doubles. Yesterday he smashed a grand slam in the Mets’ win over the Cards, and the team picked up reliever Kiki Calero to help with the bullpen depth. As for the Yankees, Joe Girardi took his players on an arcade outing to do some team bonding, loosen the guys up and take a break from those grueling three-hour days spent lounging around in perfectly ideal sunny weather. Two months of negotiations preceded the trip, as the Players’ Union haggled with the Yankees over who would supply the quarters. A.J. Burnett won the Indy Car racing competition, Andrew Brackman was the Skee-Ball champion and Royce Ring won the Pop-A-Shot event. Andy Pettitte and A-Rod were barred from taking part in the games because they failed a drug test. The Yankees won their first spring training game, too, but they win every game, don’t they? And oh yeah, Nick Johnson’s already injured.

They’re Back: Well, most of the Rangers are. Marian Gaborik came down with a lower body injury that somehow involved back bacon in Vancouver and is out indefinitely. I kind of enjoyed the break. How many times can you write that the Rangers don’t have a lot of talent, can’t score, don’t consistently play hard and their GM stinks? But they did come storming out of the gate with a 4-1 win over Ottawa, which was their third victory in a row. But on Friday, they lost to Pittsburgh in overtime despite Henrik Lundqvist’s heroic performance. Though he let in five goals, he made 50 saves (50!) and was the best player on the ice. The Islanders put poor Rick DiPietro back on the all-too-familiar injured reserve list, soundly beat Chicago, 5-3, and then got hammered last night by Atlanta, 6-3. And the Devils also won their first game back, beating San Jose, 4-3, but Brodeur let in three quick goals as fast as you can say the words “Roberto Luongo.”

Trade Deadline: The Rangers picked up peripatetic backup goalie Alex Auld off waivers last week, and the local teams only made minor trades leading up to the deadline: The Islanders sent Greg Moore to Columbus for Dylan Reese, and Andy Sutton was shipped off to Ottawa for a second-round draft pick; the Devils picked up Martin Skoula from Toronto for a fifth-round pick; and the Rangers traded minor leaguer Jordan Owens to Detroit for Kris Newbury and sent Miika Wiikman (and a 2011 seventh-round pick) to Phoenix for Anders Eriksson. The big deals were made a few weeks ago – for Ilya Kovalchuk and Olli Jokinen. The Blueshirts probably should have been sellers, but at least they didn’t do anything stupid.

What Have You Done For Us Lately (A Lot, Actually): The Jets are all set to release Thomas Jones today. He rushed for a career-high 1,402 yards and scored a personal best 14 touchdowns last season. The team is taking a gamble by dispatching the veteran leader. He may have been injured at the end of the season, but so were Shonn Greene and Leon Washington (his future is up in the air, too). “It’s not you, it’s us,” stated the Jets to Jones. But now they may be having second thoughts, as they’re contemplating releasing and then re-signing the popular running back. Lito Sheppard is gone, though. “It’s you, not us,” they told him. And in late-breaking news, the Jets traded a 2011 draft pick for Antonio Cromartie.

We all know about the great athletes in New York sports history – Babe Ruth, Tom Seaver, Lawrence Taylor, Joe Namath, Mark Messier, Walt Frazier – and even the busts – Ed Whitson, Mo Vaughn, Roberto Alomar, Stephon Marbury, Scott Gomez. But what about the slightly-to-highly-above-average athlete? The kind-of-great but not all-timer? They may not have been Hall-of-Famers, but they were All-Stars, fan favorites, cogs on a championship team or maybe even just pretty darn good. They’re the little brother that didn’t hog all the attention. But they’re certainly worth talking about and remembering. So when do they get their due? Well, now they will. Here is a series of the not-quite-legendary in New York sports history.

The analysts on MSG’s Hockey Night Live, Butch Goring, Ron Duguay and Ken Daneyko, are three disparate personalities and were three completely different players, playing for different teams and playing different positions, but they all made their mark in New York sports history (ok, and New Jersey). From the gritty, down-to-earth Goring, to the flashy male-model-like Duguay, to tough-guy, toothless Daneyko, they won seven Stanley Cups between them (sorry Ron), and each had a long, successful career.

Butch Goring

Butch Goring was the “final piece of the puzzle” for the Islanders dynasty when he was acquired from Los Angeles in 1980 for Billy Harris and Dave Lewis. After a decade with the Kings, where he scored over 20 goals in nine straight seasons (with a career-high 37 in 1977-’78), Goring came to Long Island and was the veteran the club needed to push them over the top, and led them to four consecutive Stanley Cups. That first spring with the Islanders, he recorded 19 points in the playoffs, and then followed that up in 1981 with 20 points (10 goals, 10 assists) and won the Conn Smythe Trophy. His reputation as a clutch player was already cemented, though, back in 1976, when he scored overtime goals in two separate playoff games for the Kings in their series vs. the Bruins.

He was a relentless hard worker, who was known for killing penalties, winning face-offs and being defensive minded, but most of all (or maybe least of all), he was known for his unique, crazy homemade helmet that he wore going all the way back to his childhood. The St. Boniface, Manitoba, native amazingly only totaled 102 career penalty minutes in 1,107 games – it’s the fewest in history for players who played over 1,000 games. He took one minor penalty four different seasons in his career. Besides being the MVP of the playoffs, he also won the Lady Byng and Bill Masterson awards (both in 1978) and played in the 1980 All-Star game. After spending parts of six seasons on Long Island, and finishing his career with half a season in Boston, he called it quits, with a total of 375 goals, 513 assists, for 888 points. He briefly coached the Bruins and the Islanders. And like Dave DeBusschere and Gary Carter, he’ll forever be known as that last important component to a championship team.

Ron Duguay

The hair. You say the words “Ron Duguay” and the first thing you think of is long, curly hair. Duguay was Jon Bon Jovi before Jon Bon Jovi. He was hanging out at Studio 54 with Andy Warhol (who put him on the cover of Interview magazine). He was in Sasson Jeans commercials (with teammates Phil Esposito, Anders Hedberg and Dave Maloney). He was a sex symbol. He was a swingin’ Manhattan disco cool cat. But he was also a hockey player.

The Sudbury, Ontario, native was the 13^th overall pick in the 1977 draft, and made his debut as a 20 year old for the Rangers that year. He scored 20 goals that season, and then improved to 27 and 28 goals the next two years. He had his best year with the club in 1981-’82, when he tallied 40 goals and 36 assists, and made the All-Star team. He was, of course, part of the underdog team that beat the Islanders and made it all the way to the 1979 Stanley Cup finals, losing to Montreal in five games. After six season with the Blueshirts, Duguay was traded to Detroit, where he racked up a career-high 89 points in 1984-’85. He then went to Pittsburgh, back to the Rangers and finished his career with the LA Kings. In 12 NHL seasons, he scored 274 goals, assisted on 346, for a total of 620 points. He made the playoffs every year but one (with his best performance coming in 1981, with 17 points in 14 games). After leaving the NHL, he played in Germany and even tried professional roller hockey. His golden-boy looks and signature hair overshadowed the fact that he was an old-fashioned hard worker on the ice. But if he would have been forced to wear a helmet, the Ron Duguay mystique wouldn’t have been the same.

Ken Daneyko

Goring had his helmet, Duguay had his hair and Ken Daneyko had his teeth. Or rather lack thereof. His toothless grin is one of the great images in NHL history. Known as Mr. Devil, Daneyko was tough as a handful of rusty nails and as fierce a competitor as there ever was. And he was a winner. The burly defenseman was a part of all three Devils Stanley Cup champion teams, going out on top, when he retired after the 2003 Cup victory.

A Windsor, Ontario, native, Daneyko was a first-round pick of New Jersey in the 1982 draft. He made his NHL debut in 1983, and played parts of 20 seasons, all with New Jersey, and was on 14 playoff teams. He didn’t contribute much on offense – his best scoring year was in 1989-’90 with six goals and 15 assists (for his career he scored 36 goals with 142 assists) – but that wasn’t his job after all; his was to keep the other team from scoring. He once went 255 consecutive regular season games without scoring. What he could do, though, was rack up the penalty minutes. Five times he collected over 200 penalty minutes and totaled 2,519 for his career. He was tough in front of the net and was often used as a shadow. He won one major award in his career – the Bill Masterson Trophy, in 2000, after persevering over a little glug-glug-glug problem (he missed much of the ’97-’98 season when he voluntarily entered the NHL/NHLPA substance abuse program). He was a selfless, team-first player, and New Jersey rewarded him by retiring his #3 in 2006. If you don’t like Ken Daneyko, you don’t like hockey.

(Click here, here, here, here, here and here to read the other bios in the series.)

Ok, so I’m at Penn Station in the men’s room the other day (and no, I wasn’t “loitering” or “hanging out” or “experimenting” – I was just “freshening up” before my train ride home), and this guy is holding a fancy Victoria’s Secret gift bag with a wrapped present sticking out of it, when he drops it on the floor as he’s zipping up. Now, of course, the floor in there is, shall we say, wet. In fact, it’s sort of like a pond. A pond filled with scum. And other things that you don’t even want to be stepping in, let alone dropping a fancy present in. The guy picks up his bag, gives it a wipe or two with his hand, splashing the run-off on himself now, and then goes on his merry way. Oh, that poor, poor girlfriend or wife. Little does she know the journey that her thoughtful gift has traveled. The only way she could find out, is if that schlemiel boyfriend of hers came home and announced, “Happy birthday, Honey! Your gift is drenched in authentic Penn Station men’s room urine! Enjoy!” Or maybe he did it on purpose: “Happy birthday, Honey! Your gift is drenched in authentic Penn Station men’s room urine – just the way you like it! Enjoy!” That story has nothing to do with the week in New York sports; I just thought it was a nice, little slice of life story that I found amusing and wanted to share.

Now on to sports (sort of). Olympic fever is finally spreading through my house. My daughter watched some of the speed skating, and she decided that she needed to win a Gold medal in that event. So she pulled on her Rollerblades, and proceeded to slowly skate around our basement a few times, and then declared herself the Gold medalist. What she was really interested in, though, was the pomp and circumstance of the medal-winning ceremony. She stood on the couch, which acted as the podium the winner stands on, with her stuffed Winnie the Pooh being the Silver medal winner sitting (he can’t really stand) a level below her, and SpongeBob winning the Bronze. I formally presented my daughter with her Gold medal (ok, a toy necklace), and, yes, she then made me sing the National Anthem. The whole thing. And if you’ve never sung it, it’s a tough song to sing, spanning a range of octaves and all. But, fortunately, I didn’t have to sing the Hundred Acre Wood or Bikini Bottom anthems. Of course, my daughter inherited that kind of monkey-see-monkey-do behavior from her father and her uncles. After watching the James Caan classic Rollerball on TV once when we were kids, the next day, my brothers and I plus a group of friends tried to play our own version of the game. There were some bicycles, roller skates, hockey gloves and a softball involved, but it just didn’t quite work out for some reason. It’s too bad my daughter didn’t get caught up in curling the last two weeks. Maybe that would have led to her sweeping or vacuuming the house.

Now on to sports (really). Here are the biggest stories in the world of New York sports this week:

Dawning of a New Era: It was a newsworthy week for the Knicks, but unfortunately, they didn’t win any games. The Tracy McGrady era (as short as it may be) began on Saturday (along with the Sergio Rodriguez era, as he’s now the team’s new point guard). McGrady starred, pouring in 26 points, but he and the team ran out of steam and lost in OT to Oklahoma City. On Monday, the Knicks honored their first-ever world champion team from 1970. The ongoing interviews during the game were a good distraction from what went on out on the court. The 2010 Knicks are not in the same universe as their 1970 forefathers. Chemistry and teamwork were the buzz words of that champion team, and those aspects of the game were nowhere to found during the Knicks-Bucks game. Of course, their recent trades had a lot to do with that, and they lost a lot of defense and size. McGrady had to leave the game with an injured knee. That didn’t take long. He looked rusty, tentative and out of game shape in their loss to Nate Robinson and Boston on Wednesday. It looks like he may have peaked on Saturday.

Down in FLA: The Mets signed Rod Barajas to a reasonably cheap one-year contract. One year for him is better than Bengie Molina for two or three years at $12 million or whatever it would have been. They both play defense, they both hit home runs, and that’s about it. I feel bad for Omir Santos. He went from major league starter to Triple A backup in one stroke of the pen. It looks like Jerry Manuel may bat Jose Reyes third to start the season. If it’s only until Carlos Beltran comes back, why bother? Reyes is sensitive enough as it is, so shouldn’t Manuel make him as comfortable as possible coming back from his injury? Jenrry Mejia has impressed Manuel in camp so far. And Sandy Koufax is the next in line to take a stab at fixing the mysterious Oliver Perez. Over in Tampa, the Yankees signed Chan Ho Park – throw another reliever on the pile. Jorge Posada and A.J. Burnett began working together after last year’s disastrous partnership. Shouldn’t Posada be a DH at this point in his career? In last year’s playoffs he couldn’t catch the ball no matter who was pitching. Johnny Damon officially became a Tiger, and Derek Jeter declared he wants to be a Yankee forever. Where else is he going to go?

Do You Believe in Slight Upsets?! It wasn’t exactly a miracle, but it was an upset nonetheless. The U.S. beat Canada in a great game, almost 30 years to the day of the Miracle on Ice. Hey, even Chris Drury scored – he’s obviously been pacing himself with the Rangers, saving his offensive output for the Olympics. Jamie Langenbrunner scored (and assisted on another), and ex-Devil Brian Rafalski netted two goals. Whenever I think of a Devil or ex-Devil’s name, in my mind it’s always said in Mike Emrick’s excitable voice. He’s so ubiquitous, he’s now doing the play-by-play of my everyday life in my head, which isn’t so bad really. Maybe it’s a new undiagnosed disease – Emrick Syndrome. It could be worse – it could be Suzyn Waldman’s voice I’m hearing. Ryan Miller saved the day for the USA, while poor Martin Brodeur looked like he just lost to the Rangers again, and then he was benched for Canada’s game against Germany. He now has to slink back to New Jersey, as he has all of Canada wanting to come after him with torches and pitchforks. Canada recovered to beat Germany and steamroll over Russia, though. And the USA kept their dream alive with a win over Switzerland, with Zach Parise providing all the offense they would need. Debate time: With the Miracle on Ice on everybody’s mind, who was the better Herb Brooks – Kurt Russell or Karl Malden?

The first-ever slam dunk competition was held this week during halftime of the ABA All-Star game at McNichols Arena in Denver. Julius Erving of the New York Nets wowed everybody with his running dunk from the foul line. Dr. J bested Denver’s David Thompson, Artis Gilmore of the Kentucky Colonels, and San Antonio’s George Gervin and Larry Kenon. As for the game itself (after some pregame entertainment by top-of-the-chart recording artists Glen Campbell and Charlie Rich), the league eschewed its former format of East vs. West, instead having the first place team at the break taking on a group of ABA All-Stars. The Denver Nuggets, coached by Larry Brown, scored 52 points in the fourth quarter to overtake the All-Star squad by a final score of 144-138. Thompson was named the game’s MVP, scoring 29 points, and Dr. J led the All-Stars with 23 points. In the NBA All-Star game, Dave Bing was named MVP (16 points, four assists) after leading the East to a 123-109 victory at the Spectrum in Philadelphia. Bob McAdoo and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar led all scorers with 22 points apiece.

Meanwhile, at the winter Olympics at Innsbruck, Austria, Austria’s own Franz Klammer won the downhill skiing gold medal. Dorothy Hamill took the gold in figure skating, and instantly replaced Schneider from One Day at a Time as America’s sweetheart and ushered in a new era in bad women’s haircuts along the way. And the mighty robotic machine of the U.S.S.R. won the gold medal in hockey. The highlight of the opening ceremonies was the Olympic torch being lit by Henry Winkler. He didn’t need a flame to light it, though – he just banged it with his elbow, gave a thumbs-up, said “aaayyyy,” and the torch was aflame.

Of course, that all happened in the winter of 1976. I didn’t really watch much of the Olympics or the NBA’s All-Star weekend this week so I randomly went with highlights of the first year I could think of instead. Here are the biggest stories in the world of New York sports this week (yes, 2010):

Blockbuster: The Knicks began their post-break slide to oblivion (or the summer of 2010, whichever way you look at it) with back-to-back losses to Chicago. Nate Robinson didn’t play either game because they didn’t want him to infect the team – it was unclear if it was his “flu-like symptoms” or “erratic, turnover-prone-like symptoms” they didn’t want the team infected with. But at any rate, his Knick career is over, as he was shipped off to Boston. The team also unloaded Darko Milicic (was he even on the Knicks?) to Minnesota (not the Timberwolves, though, just the state of Minnesota). But the big blockbuster was the three-team trade with Houston and Sacramento. The Knicks get the expiring contract of Tracy McGrady and Sergio Rodriguez, while shedding themselves of Jared Jeffries, Larry Hughes and Jordan Hill (some draft picks were mixed in there as well), which frees up mucho cap space for this summer’s free-agent bounty. For his next trick, Donnie Walsh will make Wade Redden, Michal Rozsival and Chris Drury disappear.

The Eyes of Texas: David Lee made his All-Star game debut on Sunday night, playing 12 minutes, scoring four points and grabbing two rebounds. A record 108,000 people crowded into the Cowboys’ stadium to watch the East beat the West, 141-139, on a giant TV. Does that mean the old Dallas Chaparrals (speaking of the ABA) never drew that much at Moody Coliseum? They probably never drew that much total in their whole existence. Nate Robinson won his third consecutive and last Slam Dunk contest – he’s going out on top, claiming he’s retiring from the dunk-fest. He’s not sure what his next move will be to replace participating in that exhibition; he’s narrowed it down to entering baseball’s Home Run Derby, being a contestant on Project Runway or getting his own reality show up and running, Big Dunks, Little People. And Danilo Gallinari tied for last in the three-point shooting contest.

The Magic Number: Five more wins to go for the Nets, and they can breathe a little easier. That would give them 10 for the year, which would best the all-time worst record, held by the 1972-’73 76ers. The Nets won again this week, which is always big news in itself, beating the Bobcats, 103-94, and they came thisclose to winning on Wednesday against the Heat. The last time the Nets won back-to-back games came in 1972 against the Dallas Chaparrals (let’s keep up the ABA theme, even if I’m just making stuff up now).

Pitchers and Catchers: Sunshine, the smell of freshly cut grass, Oliver Perez not having any idea where his next pitch will end up – it must be time for spring training. Pitchers and catchers reported to Florida this week. For the Mets, their staff is filled with pitchers coming off injuries – Perez, Johan Santana, John Maine, Jon Niese, Fernando Nieve – and a batch of new faces – Ryota Igarashi, Hisanori Takahashi, Jay Marshall, Clint Everts and Kelvim Escobar, who’s already feeling discomfort in his shoulder (come to think of it, I’m already feeling discomfort thinking about the Mets season). As for the Yankees, they’re bringing back most of the same cast of characters as last season’s staff, with Javier Vazquez being the one big addition. The battle for the number-five slot in the rotation between Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain is the one thing to watch for in Yankee camp. The big loss for the Bombers this spring, though, is Yankee trainer Gene Monahan. He’s taking a leave of absence for medical reasons, due to an undisclosed illness. The legend has been with the Yankees for almost 50 years. Get well soon, Gene.

Don’t Stop Now: The Rangers earned a hard-fought win over Pittsburgh last Friday night. Unfortunately, Michael Del Zotto’s leg was carved up like a pound of ham being sliced at a deli in a freak incident. Fifty stitches were needed to patch him back up. The team picked up another brawler in Jody Shelley to replace the failed Donald Brashear experiment. And on Valentine’s Day, they whipped Tampa Bay, 5-2, with Henrik Lundqvist leading the way and Erik Christensen chipping in two goals – he must have been trying to impress some girl out there. Of course, the Rangers finally play two excellent games in a row (well, minus a period here or there) and then had to stop for the Olympics. Ok, let’s Dwight Schrute this next part. Question: Should you ever propose to your girlfriend on a JumboTron at a sporting event? Answer: No – as we saw with some poor schmuck whose marriage proposal on the scoreboard was turned down between periods of the Rangers game on Valentine’s Day (though it may have just been a hoax). Having your girlfriend wrestle your cousin Mose to ensure she comes from hearty stock is ok, though. And proposing on a beet farm is also acceptable.

Nap Time: The Devils exploded for give goals against Nashville on Friday night, including Ilya Kovalchuk’s first with the team, but then they turned around and let in five themselves the next night, losing to Carolina. All that hard work and winning the first few months of the season has made them tired and sleepy. The break will do them good (well, the players who aren’t competing in the Olympics will get a rest). The Islanders won 5-4 on Saturday, and, like New Jersey, lost the next day to wrap up the pre-Olympic portion of their schedule. So all three offensively challenged local teams put up a five spot last weekend.

Super Bowl Sunday combines everything that’s great about our country: Drinking, eating 15 pounds of Buffalo wings, gambling and British classic rock. Why, oh why is this day not a national holiday? Here in New York, did we care who won? Well, if you had a wager on the game you did. Or did one of those squares things at work. So even if you don’t have a true rooting interest, it’s still hard to watch the game in a nice, relaxing manner when you’re yelling at the TV for the Colts to get a safety so they could end up with a score that ends in 5. The halftime show is always fun. The Who (or what’s left of them) rocked as only senior citizens can. Let’s give them credit, though, when I’m their age I’ll be lucky if can eat solid food and remember where I live. But the band is getting too rickety to smash their own equipment, so they have roadies do that for them now, as they exit the stage on their Rascal scooters. Next year, I believe Bill Haley and the Comets will be performing. And in the postgame festivities, former Chiefs quarterback Len Dawson carried out the Vince Lombardi Trophy with Saints players mobbing him, and it was only when he was back at his hotel did the Hall-of-Famer realize that his wallet was stolen.

As for the game, it wasn’t an all-time classic but will be remembered for the Saints finally winning, with the onside kick as the play that will forever be remembered. And the team and the city of New Orleans deserve it. Was there karma involved for the Colts in not going for the undefeated season? Whatever the case, the people from the resilient city in Louisiana will be celebrating for a long time. At least they can relax and sober up during the upcoming Mardi Gras festivities. And everybody in the world now knows all about Who Dat Nation. Is it time for us to come up with a New York equivalent? Here are some obvious names: Fuhgeddaboudit Nation and Are You Talkin’ To Me? Nation. But there are some others to choose from as well: If You Don’t Stop Looking at Me I’ll Stab You in the Neck Nation; Watch Out For That Creepy Guy on the Subway Nation; and Sure, We Have Body Parts Floating in the East River – You Got a Problem With That? Nation. When all was said and done, Drew Brees called going to New Orleans a calling from God. I feel the same way about my present situation – I have a dead-end job, I’m in debt, I can barely pay my bills and mortgage, I have a car that’s held together by duct tape and my family only gives me the time of day because I’m the one who takes out the garbage and shovels the snow. It’s a calling from God; apparently God just doesn’t really care for me.

Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this week:

What Might Have Been and What Might Not Ever Be: The only good news for the Knicks this week was David Lee finally making the All-Star team. They lost to Milwaukee on Friday, and all the talk was about point guard Brandon Jennings and what could have been. On Saturday, they lost to Cleveland and LeBron James (with a valiant, but failed comeback attempt) and the talk was about what could be – but King James coming to NYC is probably just wishful thinking. Nate Robinson was the starting point guard for those two games, but Mike D’Antoni quickly came to his senses and realized that Nate’s a chucker not a floor general, so Chris Duhon was back in the starting lineup for the overtime loss to Sacramento (despite Wilson Chandler’s heroics). The Kings franchise had one of the great point guards in NBA history, of course, in Nate “Tiny” Archibald, not to mention Oscar Robertson and very briefly Bob Cousy (he inserted himself into seven games when he coached the Cincinnati Royals in 1969-’70; it’s unclear whether he was wearing a suit when he was running up and down the court, though), and to haunt the Knicks even more about their point guard situation, Curly Neal was in the stands watching the Knicks-Kings game.

The Cold War: Sean Avery doesn’t even have to trash talk about Martin Brodeur to Brodeur himself and he gets under the skin of the Devils. He baited Ilya Kovalchuk into jumping him with a few pleasantries regarding Brodeur, and got the new Devil off the ice for the final minutes of the Rangers’ victory. Not that I’m in love with all of Avery’s antics and sideshow personality, but if the roles had been reversed and he had been the one who speared and then attacked Kovalchuk while only being verbally provoked, what are the odds he would have not only been kicked out of the game but suspended as well? The Rangers followed up their win vs. the Devils with a loss to Nashville, sans Marian Gaborik (and then put Donald Brashear on waivers – where he belongs). They . . . just . . . can’t . . . score. The Devils too are sinking like a stone. They fall apart at the end of games, and even when they do score, it comes with a price. Anssi Salmela was leveled by Flyer Jeff Carter right after he scored and was taken off the ice on a stretcher. If that wasn’t bad enough, New Jersey lost both their games to the Flyers. The problem lately? They . . . just . . . can’t . . . score.

Meanwhile, Out on Long Island: After doing nothing but losing, the Islanders got a big win on Tuesday, when Mark Streit scored the tying goal with 11 seconds left in the game (all three goals were by defensemen), and then the team went on to win in a shootout. And the second-to-last power play in the league caught fire in this game, too – well, going one for six is catching fire when you haven’t scored in so long. And then they lost a routine one to Pittsburgh on Wednesday. And like their local rivals, they . . . just . . . can’t . . . score.

The Plight of the Nets: They . . . just . . . can’t . . . win. But will Rick Pitino ride in to save the day?

Stuff About the Mets: The Mets are lowering the portion of Citi Field’s center-field wall in front of the apple by eight feet. That’s probably the least of the team’s problems, though. Mookie Wilson is back with the organization as a minor league outfield and base-running coordinator. Maybe he can be the automatic pinch-runner for the team as well, replacing everybody on the bases at all times. And Keith Hernandez is tutoring Daniel Murphy at first base. While Murphy made some aggressive mistakes and was out of position at times last season, I thought he showed a lot of promise at a position he had to learn at the major league level. At least he actually tried to field the ball at all times, unlike Carlos Delgado, who couldn’t be bothered to move half the time. And the Mets signed old friend Mike Jacobs this week.

The Sex Addict Speaks: In a recent interview, former blowhard announcer and failed Met GM Steve Phillips said: “I couldn’t stop myself from doing the things that I was doing, even knowing the consequences – marriage, great job, great career, and I risked all of that.” I could be wrong, but I think he was talking about trading for Mo Vaughn.

A Giant Good-bye: The Giants released middle-linebacker and captain of the defense Antonio Pierce yesterday. He made a Pro Bowl, won a Super Bowl and, oh yeah, he was involved in the Bonnie Situation - I mean the Plaxico Situation. It may have been time for him to go, but it’s a gamble for the Giants – who will replace him?

Gone But Not Forgotten: It was Dick McGuire last week, and now former Knick Carl Braun has passed away also. The New York native played 12 seasons with the Knicks, going all the way back to the Basketball Association of America (he finished his career with one year in Boston). He was on the Knicks when they reached the finals three consecutive years in the early ’50s. He also coached the team for two years in the early ’60s. He played in five NBA All-Star games, was voted to the All-BAA second team in 1948 and the All-NBA second team in 1954. He finished his career with a 13.5 points-per-game average, and was the Knicks’ all-time scoring leader when he retired (he’s now fifth on the list).

We sports fans are a dramatic bunch when it comes to our teams – everything is life and death – but in real life we shrug sadness and tragedy off like it’s nothing. “My Uncle Maury died? What are ya gonna do? He had a good run. Can you pass the ketchup?” But if the team we root for goes into a slump or, God forbid, gets knocked out of the playoffs, we’re screaming, tears are falling like Niagara Falls and we’re pulling what’s left of our hair out. Think back to the 1994 Stanley Cup and tears of joy start falling. Think of the Wilpons or James Dolan owning your team, and tears of sadness reign down. And if you’re like me and Rip Torn, you’ll get so drunk you’ll mistakenly take a local bank for your house, break in and pass out as I did when the 2007 baseball season ended and the Mets pulled off the collapse hear round the world. I was in such bad shape that I was nearly fired from my job, my wife almost left me and even my daughter put herself up for adoption. We’ll even cry at the end of sports movies. Sure, the waterworks will be unstoppable during Brian’s Song (how can anyone not cry during that tear-fest?), but Dennis Quaid throws an inning for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays with every member of his hometown surprising him after the game, and I’m a quivering mess.

The local teams have been filled with ups and downs this week, which means tears, anger, happiness and hope. We cried when the Knicks blew a lead to the Timberwolves and laughed a giddy guffaw when the Rangers beat Colorado. But we cried again when the Blueshirts fell to LA. But we laughed once more when we saw pictures of Stephon Marbury sitting on a bench in China. There were more downs than ups, though, this week, but whatever the case may be, our emotions were running high one way or the other. But when our sweet, loving grandmother tripped over our retro John Gianelli Knicks jersey that was left in a heap on the floor, broke her hip and cried out for help, we shushed her and said, “Not now, Grandma, the game’s about to start.”

Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this past week:

The $50,000 Finger: Just like Evel Knievel and Elvis Presley were the only two men on the face of the earth who could get away with wearing a cape, Rex Ryan is the only local coach who can give the finger to a group of his team’s rival fans and walk away unscathed with a “That’s just Rex being Rex” excuse. Well, he did get fined $50,000. And come to think of it, maybe I can see John Tortorella doing that. And Mike D’Antoni is pretty emotional. So maybe all the local coaches can get away with that. And it turns out an unruly fan goaded him into it by possibly spitting on him. But has Ryan already entered flakey, Manny Being Manny territory? Is he out of control and on a rampage or is it all part of his master plan to have everybody hate the Jets? Crazy? Or crazy genius?

Hello Olli: The Rangers didn’t so much as trade for Olli Jokinen as get rid of Ales Kotalik’s contract. Is Glen Sather actually going to admit to all his mistakes and start working on rectifying the mess he created? Earlier in the week, and for the first time ever, Chris Drury showed actual signs of a personality and humor while being interviewed between periods of Sunday’s game. I almost fell out of my chair, but then I found out he was just plugging his Connecticut pizzeria that will be opening soon. It figures he had an ulterior motive. He certainly doesn’t get that frisky talking about the Rangers. On the ice, Sunday vs. Colorado, Chad Johnson earned his first NHL win, and just like old times, Marian Gaborik did most of the scoring for the team this week until last night’s crazy, undisciplined goal-fest.

Hello Ilya: The Devils have been scoring about as much as their ancestors, the Kansas City Scouts, lately, and they’re 3-6-1 in their last 10 games, but yesterday’s blockbuster trade should help them out. They acquired Ilya Kovalchuk and Anssi Samlema from Atlanta for Johnny Oduya, Niclas Berfors, prospect Patrice Cormier and a first-round draft pick.

Hello Nate, Good-bye Del: The Knicks salvaged the week with a win against Washington on Wednesday. The energetic defense that proved so successful had disappeared for the Knicks, and with it went the winning. They even lost to lowly Minnesota. But when Al Harrington’s scoring off the bench returned, and with Nate Robinson replacing Chris Duhon, they may get back to winning again. As for their counterpart across the river, the losing is so bad the coaches aren’t getting fired, they’re quitting. Del Harris has left the Nets, but can you really blame him? If Kike Vandeweghe disappears, the players may have to get in a van and drive down to Houston to see if Kelly Leak’s father will coach them. The Nets are so bad, we may hear their fans start chanting, “Don’t let them play!”

Growing Pains: No, we’re not talking about Alan Thicke (though he is Canadian and can play hockey with the best of them). We’re referring to the young Islanders. They’ve have lost six games in a row now. John Tavares and Matt Moulson (though he scored last night) are struggling, Josh Bailey’s injured and Rick DiPietro is still trying to shake the rust off. They’re young, so bumps in the road are to be expected. And the bumps have arrived.

Giant Demands: Osi Umenyiora recently went on the radio and demanded to start next year or else he’d quit. On the day he was hired, new defensive coordinator Perry Fewell said that Osi would be starting again. How easy was that? With his demands met before he even uttered them, Umenyiora has now also insisted that that he be paid money for his services and that the team provide him with a uniform. Former Giant Plaxico Burress has stated that he’ll resume his playing career when he’s released from the slammer – that is if he doesn’t accidentally shiv himself in the leg.

Gone But Not Forgotten, Part One: Former Shea Stadium organist Jane Jarvis died this past week. She was 94. She played the organ at Mets games from 1964 to 1979. Not only did she play standards such as “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” but she mixed in the jazzy classics of Charlie Parker as well. Before joining the Mets, she was the organist for the Milwaukee Braves for eight years and was an accomplished jazz musician and also wrote Muzak. She was as much a part of Mets tradition as Kiner’s Korner, Mr. Met and Banner Day. And listening to her soothing yet groovy sound was much more preferable than the ear-splitting, blaring musical assault that goes on today.

Gone But Not Forgotten, Part Two: Mr. Knick Dick McGuire died on Wednesday. He was a player, coach, assistant coach and scout for the Knicks, spending 53 years with the team. Tricky Dick led the Knickerbockers to three straight finals in the early ’50s, played in five All-Star games while with the team and was second team All-NBA in 1951. His #15 has been retired by the team, and he’s third on the Knicks’ career assists list, with 2,950. He was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1993. McGuire was unselfish on the court, and just as unselfish off it.

Gone But Not Forgotten, Part Three: Tom Brookshier died last week as well. He wasn’t really a New York guy (in fact, he played defensive back for the Eagles), but he was paired with Pat Summerall on many, many Giants games in the 1970s and early ’80s on CBS, making for one of the all-time great announcing duos (they also teamed up for many legendary drinking escapades in their time together with CBS). The two broadcast a handful of Super Bowls and hosted the classic highlight show This Week in Pro Football. Known for his wit and sense of humor, he was one of the best.

I’m not a Jets fan, but Rex Ryan has everyone in this city so inspired and pumped up, even I’d run through a wall for him. In fact, I tried to do just that. Unfortunately, I slipped on a bag of Funyuns and flew through the plate-glass window in my living room. Now I have cuts and bruises all over my face and body, one of my ears was sliced off, my wife is furious at me and it’s really, really cold in our living room. Ryan’s infectious motivating style is being packaged into a new self-help, confidence-building program, with books and DVDS – The Rex Ryan Method: Swaggering, Boasting and Eating Your Way to a Newer, More Confident You. Here are his three top keys to turning yourself into a more successful person:

       1. Declare yourself the favorite in any situation; and then make yourself a nice, big sandwich.

       2. Declare that you will be invited to the White House and meet the President; he will then make you a nice, big sandwich.

       3. Declare that you did not come here to kiss Bill Belichick’s rings; you came here to eat a nice, big sandwich.

Other less successful self-help motivational programs by local-area coaches that ultimately failed include: You Motherf***ing Piece of S***: Live Life the John Tortorella Way – Or Else. His top tips include:

       1. %#!?*%!#?%*!#?!

       2. !?*%!#?!%*!#?!*!!

       3. Always treat people with kindness and respect

And then there was Communicating Through Cackles and Guffaws: Jerry Manuel’s Guide to Successful Living. Here are his top tips for a better life:

       1. When things are going poorly – laugh uproariously.

       2. When things are going well – laugh uproariously.

       3. When things are just ok – laugh uproariously.

Here are the top stories of the week in the world of New York sports:

Two Down, Two to Go: Sometimes it’s just your year and things go your way. The Jets “backed” into the playoffs, the Bengals’ kicker missed two field goals and then San Diego’s kicker missed three times. It helps to be lucky and good. And the Jets are pretty darn good. Of course, you can’t just add nine points to the final score of last Sunday’s game; if Nate Kaeding would have made those kicks, the two teams would have played a different game, with altered strategy and play-calling, from then on, but still – three misses? The Jets beat San Diego with the same recipe they used in Cincinnati: Defense, Shonn Greene and Mark Sanchez not doing anything stupid. Is there any debate over who was the better coach? During the obligatory congratulatory handshake by the two head coaches at the end of the game, Ryan made like Charlie Daniels, and said to Norv Turner, “That’s how you do it, son.” He then grabbed a breadstick, pointed it at the camera, winked and sauntered off to the locker room. Now we have a rematch of Super Bowl III (well, almost, since the Colts are now in Indianapolis and play in the AFC). If the Jets are going to win, they may have to play like their predecessors. In that momentous game, Joe Namath’s Jets scored a rushing TD, kicked three field goals, gained 142 yards on the ground and, most importantly, won the turnover battle, 5-1.

Just Like Old Times: Rex Ryan even has the Blueshirts believing in themselves. 14 goals in two games? Let’s say that again: 14 goals in two games. Sweet Holy Moly! It was NHL hockey 1980s-style at the Garden this week, scoring and fighting and fighting and scoring. But last night the offensive explosion abruptly ended, as the Rangers couldn’t get anything going at all. And in the second period, the game turned into the 1970s. Playing the parts of Dave Schultz and Dale Rolfe were Daniel Carcillo and Marian Gaborik (while Dan Girardi stood idly by). Old-time hockey! Eddie Shore! Toe Blake!

As the Knicks Turn: It’s an up and down world for the Knicks these days. They won their annual MLK Day game, beating Detroit 99-91, but lost four out of five before that. Chris Duhon is fading, so Nate Robinson is handling the ball more (and led the team with 27 points on Monday) and they’re running plays through David Lee. Jonathan Bender and Larry Hughes are the latest DNP’s, while Jordan Hill is now playing. In off-the-court news, Stephon Marbury is now where he belongs – in China; Nate Robinson is where he belongs – in the slam dunk contest; and Eddy Curry is where he belongs – having knee surgery.

Devils vs. Islanders: Last week the Rangers and Devils gave us a classic, and this week’s local matchup pitted New Jersey vs. Long Island. It wasn’t a thriller, though, as the Islanders raced right by the Devils, and upset them easily, 4-0. It was the fourth win in a row for the Isles (and they’ve now won five out of their last six). Martin Brodeur and Henrik Lundqvist each put up zeros last week, and this time it was Rick DiPietro’s turn. It was his first shutout in almost two years. New Jersey had lost their last three games and four of their last six, with Jacques Lemaire claiming they were tired. All that winning in the first half of the season wore them down. But they got a good night’s sleep and went right back to their successful ways, beating Florida, 2-0, but put everybody else to sleep in the process. Brodeur recorded his 13^th 30-victory season, tying Patrick Roy’s record.

What About Teddy Martinez? The Mets announced that Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Davey Johnson and Frank Cashen will be inducted into the Mets Hall of Fame this summer. And it’s about time. Of course, if Doc and Darryl made different choices in their lives, they could have been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, too. The last Met to be inducted was Tommie Agee in 2002. In hot stove news, the Mets presented Bengie Molina with a take-it-or-leave-it offer and he left it, opting to re-sign with the Giants. Omar Minaya held his ground and didn’t overpay in dollars or years for an aging, “husky” catcher. That’s certainly not Met-like. Are they starting to make sound, forward thinking decisions in Queens? And Joel Pineiro is also off to California. Who does that leave for the Mets? Jon Garland, Ben Sheets, Jarrod Washburn? A trade with the Reds?

3-38: Will the Nets ever win again? No, I’m serious. I mean ever. Kris Humphries said: “We have stretches where we can compete with any NBA team.” When? During pregame warmups? In 2002? Well, they were tied with Phoenix at halftime, so that’s a competitive stretch and it’s almost like winning for the Nets. And Brook Lopez outscored his twin brother, Robin, 26-20, so that’s something, too. Amar’e Stoudemire sees the Nets’ potential, though, and hasn’t crossed them off his list of possible teams to join next season.

Confidence. The Jets have it. In fact, the Jets are so confident after whooping Cincinnati’s butt on Saturday, that Rex Ryan feels his team should not only be the favorite in the Super Bowl but also in the NBA playoffs. The first-year coach has his players believing that they can accomplish anything. He’s dispatched Dustin Keller to solve the Jay Leno/Conan O’Brien conundrum. The offensive line is drafting a health-care bill that will make everyone happy. And Bart Scott will be stepping in to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. To paraphrase Yogi Berra: Sports are 90% mental, the other half is physical. And the Jets are not having any problems with the mental aspect of the game right now (nor the physical side either). Some feel there may be a little too much braggadocio in Jet land, but so far it’s working. Sitting at the other end of the confidence meter is the Nets. They do nothing but lose, and can’t even sniff a victory. Do you think they have any confidence at all when they walk onto the court? The rest of the New York–area teams fall somewhere in the middle. Sometimes winning a few games comes first, and confidence springs from that, and that seems to be happening with the Knicks, Rangers and Islanders. You start out 1-9, win a few games here and there and before you know it you’re in playoff contention and saying things like: “I think this once again shows we can beat anybody, anywhere, when we play the right way” (David Lee). Or you have Lou Lamoriello and Jacques Lemaire running the show, which means you should always be confident. And then there’s a whole other aspect of the confidence phenomenon – being on a minute-by-minute mental roller-coaster ride, which is what it must be like inside Oliver Perez’s head.

Here are the top stories of the past week in the world of New York sports:

One Down, Three to Go: The Jets D and Darrelle Revis did what they had to do. The rookies – Mark Sanchez, Shonn Greene and Rex Ryan – were outstanding. What a great way to start their playoff careers. But the real hero was Jay Feely. Sure, he didn’t have to go in and play quarterback, but still, it’s the first time he ever punted in an NFL game, and in the playoffs with hardly any advanced warning, no less. He came up with some nice coffin-corner, Jeff Feagles-like kicks (well, the 42-year-old Jeff Feagles). And unlike his counterpart on the Bengals, Shayne Graham, he made all his field goals and extra points. Graham felt so bad after missing that second FG that he hid in defensive tackle Domata Peko’s hair for the rest of the game. The Jets had an easy time of it with the Bengals, but Cincinnati claimed they still weren’t trying. They were going to wait until the second round of the playoffs to give it their all. The Chargers, on the other hand, will most likely be another story.

Rangers-Devils Classic: You had two teams that hate each other. A playoff-like atmosphere. An even, hard-fought game. A goalies’ duel by two of the best netminders in the game. 96 total shots. A 0-0 score after regulation. A 0-0 score after overtime. It’s a shame one of the teams had to lose. It was an instant classic. But the NHL needs to get rid of the shootout. It’s run its course, and is no way to determine games. And it makes an in-game penalty shot seem almost boring now. Yes, I’m an American so there should be a winner and loser in athletic contests, but ties are almost better than this. If they insist on keeping it, at least get rid of the three-point games; no more one point given out to the losing team.

2009 Redux: Well, here we go again. Carlos Beltran is already going to miss the beginning of the season. Apparently he had knee surgery against the Mets wishes. Injuries? Controversy? Ah, the world of the New York Mets. Isn’t anybody in charge over there?

Lee the Go-To Guy: The Knicks lost their first two games of the week, blowing one against Houston and then getting creamed vs. Oklahoma City. But they rebounded on Wednesday, with their exciting win over Philadelphia. David Lee, grieving over the death of his grandfather, came up with some key baskets down the stretch to lead the Knicks to victory. Mike D’Antoni: “It just goes to show you how professional he is. He’s on a one-year contract. We didn’t give him two or three years or five years or whatever it is. He’s going to fly and go out to the funeral and be ready Friday night. That’s not normal. It’s just a test of his character again, which he’s showed repeatedly. There’s just so many things he does to make himself a good player and you’ve got to appreciate a player like that.”

Numbers 7, 8 & 9: Fair or unfair, the Nets, Islanders and Devils are numbers seven, eight and nine in the pecking order of New York–area sports teams. But if you’re a diehard fan, who cares, right? They all made the news on Friday night, though. The lights went out in Newark during the second period. The Devils win so often that when they found themselves behind 3-0, they didn’t know how to react, so they panicked and Lou Lamoriello turned out the lights and quietly ran away. When they resumed the game on Sunday, Lenny Randle was seen standing at center ice ready for his at-bat. Before the Nets game, a fire broke out in New Orleans Arena. It got so smoky the doors had to be opened to let in some fresh air. The Nets neglected to use that opportunity to escape before suffering through another loss. And for the Isles, Friday night saw the return of Rick DiPietro, in their 4-3 loss. He was rusty but he finally made it back. The Islanders have crept back into the playoff picture, though, by winning four of their last five games, including a dominant performance against the Red Wings.

Honors and Dishonors: Darrelle Revis lost out to Charles Woodson for Defensive Player of the Year, and Coach Ryan was none too happy about it. In fact he vowed to go on a hunger strike, only eating three meals a day, until justice is served. New Jersey’s Jamie Langenbrunner was selected as captain of Team USA for the upcoming Olympics, with teammate Zach Parise picked as an alternate. Chris Drury will not be wearing a letter on his sweater this time around, though.

R.I.P. Art Clokey: The Jets are on a big-time roll but let’s give homage to the original green machine – Gumby, who along with his pal Pokey, had to constantly fight and defeat their arch-nemeses the Blockheads. Their creator, Art Clokey, passed away a week ago, at the age of 81. The old show was wacky, surreal and filled with innocent fun (except when Eddie Murphy got a hold of the slope-headed character). Clokey also came up with the goofily brilliant, weird and religious Davey and Goliath series. I don’t believe there was an episode with steroids as the theme, but there should have been. Mark McGwire kept telling us in his mea culpa interview that the “man upstairs” was his reason for hitting all those home runs, with PEDs having nothing to do with his power. I think Davey and Goliath would have set him straight. Surely McGwire would have a different take on his cheating, lying and law-breaking if he heard the truth about honesty, God and doing the right thing from a talking dog made of clay, wouldn’t he?

We’re only one week into 2010 and I’m already dropping the ball on my resolutions. In the past I’ve been more successful, such as the year I resolved to quit smoking cigarettes. I used one of those quit-smoking programs, with the patches and the gum and the whole nine yards. Unfortunately, the side effects included nausea, dizziness, vomiting, disorientation, hallucinations, agitation, hostility, amnesia, blindness, a hacking cough, lung cancer, throat cancer, the sudden loss of one’s extremities, and addiction to cigarettes, chewing tobacco and cigars. Sure, now I can’t see, I’m always falling down, I have no idea who I am, I have a hole in my throat and I’m constantly having hallucinations that Art Howe is standing beside me trying to sell me a time-share, but at least I don’t smoke anymore. This year I decided to stop being so humble, demur and shy and to play up my strengths, which means wearing more tank top shirts to show off my impressive shoulder and back hair and to stop hiding my disgustingly smelly feet, but instead, let my individuality reign and possibly enter some kind of rancid-smelling foot contest. I’ve already missed the deadline for the 2010 Stenchy Awards (or more commonly known as the Stenchys), and I haven’t worn any tank tops yet, but I still have 51 weeks left to get my act together.

The New York sports scene saw a number of locals break their resolutions, too. Mike D’Antoni’s resolution to keep Nate Robinson on the bench this year only lasted a few hours. The Giants resolved not to let up 40 or more points in a game but failed in their first week of the new year. The Nets vowed to win a game in 2010, but we’re still waiting. Rex Ryan pledged he would stop with the boasting and trash talking, but instantly declared his team the favorite for the Super Bowl. And the Rangers promised that they would get through the rest of the season with only Marian Gaborik scoring any goals, but lo and behold, seven other players also scored this week.

Here are the top headlines from the past week in New York sports:

Jets Good: The Meadowlands got a second shot at a memorable sendoff, and, unlike the Giants, the Jets came through for the 34-year-old stadium. Two Sundays ago, the Jets got a stocking filled with Christmas miracles – every team lost that they wanted to lose and the Colts rested Peyton Manning, which surely helped the Jets’ chance for a victory. This week, the Bengals gave them another gift win by not showing up – or did they? The debate is still raging. But a win’s a win, nonetheless, and Gang Green is in the playoffs. Brad Smith had a breakout wild cat game. And Darrelle Revis completely shut down Chad Ochocinco. The loudmouth receiver vowed not to get stranded on Revis Island, but he was last seen trying to build a radio out of a coconut so he could contact someone to rescue him from his embarrassing day. The rematch is tomorrow.

Giants Bad: Owner John Mara summed everything up about the 2009 Giants earlier in the week:

“This is probably as disappointed as I’ve ever been in my life at this team, given the expectations that we had this year, given the roster I thought we had and given the way we started out, given the embarrassment of the last two weeks.”

“I’m disappointed in everything, I’m unhappy at everybody. It is just not acceptable to perform like that. There are 8-8 seasons and there are 8-8 seasons. This one felt a lot more like 2-14 to me.”

“Even before the last two games, there were at least four other losses where we were just not competitive. And obviously the last two games were the worst. But when you have that many games where you get blown out, there is something wrong. That means that something has to be done.”

“The lack of mental and physical toughness and, quite frankly, a lack of effort over the last two weeks. That is just something I never expected to see from this group of players.”

“I know we had some injuries but I don’t think we had catastrophic injuries.”

“There’s no excuse for performing the way we performed over basically the last 11 weeks.”

The Nate Robinson Explosion: His exile ended on Friday and he pumped in 41 points to lead the Knicks to victory. Pick your point of view: D’Antoni’s strategy worked; or he should have been playing the guard all along. Just in time to replace Nate-Gate comes Larry Hughes-Gate. Maybe the coach should spend a minute or two a week communicating with his players. What harm could it do? If it’s too difficult for him, he could hire Bill Lumbergh to handle that task for him: “What’s happening, Larry . . . mmm, yeah . . . I’m going to need you to . . . mmm . . . not play for a few weeks . . . yeah . . . if you could just go ahead and sit on the bench for the next month or so, that would be great  . . . mmm, yeah . .  and don’t forget to use the new cover sheet when you fill out your TPS reports, m’kay?” Meanwhile, and more importantly, the Knicks are winning consistently, everyone’s contributing, they’re playing solid defense and David Lee is coming into his own and playing like an All-Star.

Jason Bay Is a Met: The lack of market for Jason Bay is the Mets gain. They’ll pay 54 million dollars less than the Cardinals will be paying Matt Holliday (or $40 million if you count that fifth-year option) and on the hook for fewer years. Omar Minaya waited him out and it worked. The left fielder and his agent waited for a bidding war that never happened, and Minaya only anted up an extra million (and a fifth-year option) from his original offer. The Mets only hit four home runs as a team last season so Bay should help out in the power department. And the Canadian outfielder will usher in a new era for the team – Les Mets. It’s possible they may have signed Rod Gilbert, too.

El Diablo: The Devils tallied the most-ever points at the halfway mark in franchise history, with 61. Team captain Jamie Langenbrunner also had a memorable week: He was the NHL’s first star of the week, he was named to the U.S. Olympic hockey team on Friday, and then he scored his first career hat trick on Saturday in his native Minnesota with 200 of his closest friends watching – though they may have just wanted to get out of the minus-20-degree weather and into a nice toasty hockey rink.

The Delinquent: Sean Avery led the Rangers to victory on Wednesday, with a goal and three assists against the team that let him go and is still paying him. Why did he have a Nate Robinson-like explosion in the game? “I was getting paid by two teams.” The Blueshirts went 2-0-2 this week, and are on a 7-1-3 run.

Christmas is all about comebacks and overcoming adversity against all odds. Ok, it’s really nothing about comebacks and overcoming adversity against all odds but is about love, peace on earth, goodwill toward men, opening presents, then drinking all day long and passing out underneath the tree as an ornament falls and pierces one of your eyeballs, sending you screaming down the street bloody, naked and in horrifying pain. Ah, Christmas. One of the brightest, heartwarming stories of the week, though, is Jonathan Bender’s return to the world of basketball after not playing a game in four years. And on top of it all, he’s been productive. The Knicks, too, are on the comeback trail after starting out at 1-9. Bender’s return after a long absence brings to mind other great comebacks. So, without further ado, here’s a random list of notable returns over the decades (and even centuries).

Gordie Howe retired after the 1971 season, then came back in 1973-’74 to play with his sons, Mark and Marty, lasting six years in the WHA with the Houston Aeros and New England Whalers followed by one last season in the sun in the NHL at the age of 51 with the Hartford Whalers. Jim Bouton wrapped up a nine-year career in the majors in 1970 (with the Yankees, Seattle Pilots and Houston), only to return to pitch five games in ’78 with the Braves as a knuckleballer, squeezing in time as a sports reporter and sitcom star (in Ball Four) in the years in between. Satchel Paige, after a long career in the Negro Leagues and five season in the majors with the Indians and St. Louis Browns, was brought back for one game as a publicity stunt by Charlie Finley at the approximate age of 59 (after not being on the field for 12 years) to pitch for the Kansas City A’s. One of the great actors of our time (or any time really), Craig T. Nelson starred in Poltergeist, All the Right Moves and Coach during the ’80s and ’90s, but then disappeared until his triumphant, should-have-been-award-winning return in Blades of Glory and as the warden in My Name is Earl. And, of course, we can’t leave out the greatest comeback of all – Jesus of Nazareth. I mean he literally rose from the dead for Pete’s sake (it’s not widely known, but before he ascended to heaven he threw three touchdown passes that day leading his team to victory in a must-win thriller).

Here are some of the top New York sports stories of the week. Sure, they might not rank up there with the Greatest Story Ever Told, but not every tale can be the best.

Playoffs? Plaaayyyoffs?! The Giants’ playoff hopes rose, as they gained a game on Green Bay, with their blowout win in Washington, while the Jets blew a golden opportunity to move up and away from the pack with their disappointing loss. Interceptions, missed field goals and penalties added up to a loss for Gang Green. And their great defense just can’t make the big stop at the end. That’s all she wrote for the Jets unless there’s a Christmas miracle in there somewhere. The Giants stomped all over division rival Washington, and now they need two wins and a loss by either Dallas or Green Bay. The odds are against them, but it’s not exactly miracle territory. And they hold the tiebreaker against those two teams.

Surging Knicks: They won on Friday vs. the Clippers, they won on Sunday vs. Charlotte and they won on Tuesday vs. Chicago. They’re doing it with defense, threes and spreading the ball around. It’s a different hero every night. And Mike D’Antoni’s tight rotation is working. Bender has cracked the lineup (though he suffered a mild injury the other night), but Nate Robinson may never play again with all this winning going on. He knows he’s not going to make it onto the court so he props up a cardboard cutout of himself on the bench before the opening tipoff and then goes to work at his part-time job at the Duane Reade on 33^rd and 8^th to make himself feel useful.

Entitlement: The only one questioning Wade-Gate at the garden with the Rangers is Wade Redden himself, who was clueless for the reasons of his benching. The overpaid defenseman has gone the opposite route as Nate, and has been using a cardboard cutout of himself while out on the ice, which explains his lifeless play the last few seasons. The fans aren’t chanting “We want Wade” but instead “We want Wade to go away.” Chris Drury, on the other hand, has responded the right way and completely turned his game around, as has the whole team. The Rangers are also on the comeback trail, with a four-game winning streak, and they played one of their best games of the year last night. With John Tortorella declaring the end of the entitlement era for the Rangers, does that mean he gets to scratch Glen Sather from his GM duties? Doesn’t the no entitlement thing apply to Sather, too?

Sawchukian: Martin Brodeur broke Terry Sawchuk’s shutout record, with his 104^th this week. It would have been more impressive if, in a tribute to the old-time goalie, Brodeur wore the tiny pads that Sawchuk had to wear and also went maskless while attempting the break the record. Brodeur has now shattered just about every goaltending record that exists, which cements his status as one of the best ever. There’s no word yet on whether Sean Avery sent the Devils goalie a congratulatory text (“Hey Fatso . . .”).

Hot Stove: The Yankees struck again, by acquiring Javier Vazquez from the Braves for Melky Cabrera. If this means we’ll never hear John Sterling say “the Melkman!” again, then the trade will be worth it. As for the Mets, making a big splash for the sake of getting onto the back pages is not the way to go, so good for them for taking their time, but they do know that they have plenty of holes to fill, don’t they? There’s no rule that says you have to wait for Jason Bay to make up his mind before you can get some pitching. Or a catcher. Or anything else they may need. Or are they just hibernating for the winter? Maybe Omar Minaya’s a “warm-weather” GM.