It was a brutal week for the New York football teams, as the Giants got killed and the Jets fell to lowly Buffalo and lost Kris Jenkins for the rest of the season. Even the hockey teams mixed in some debacles with a few wins. And something bad probably happened to the Mets even though their season is long over.

But even after last night’s loss, the Yankees are sitting pretty, with a 3-2 lead in the series and heading back home. With a budget as high as our country’s deficit, the Yanks had two options this offseason: Use their money to cure the U.S. economy or buy a whole bunch of free agents. They chose the latter, and it’s working out just fine (well, for them). Unfortunately, the one aspect of the playoffs that has stood out the most is the atrocious umpiring. The horrible umpiring in this year’s postseason is unprecedented, but there are things out there that are actually worse, if you can believe it. And there’s only one way to discover what those things are – we’re going to have to play Family Feud. So here we go . . . let’s play the Feud! We’ve surveyed 20,000 Americans and came up with the top 20 answers. Name something that is worse than this year’s playoff umpiring. Survey says . . .

Steve Phillips‘ judgment

Steve Phillips’ taste in women

Steve Phillips’ wife’s taste in men

ESPN’s taste in announcers

The closers on every playoff team except the Yankees

Joe Girardi’s decision to bring in Alfredo Aceves in game three

The Angels’ defense

The Angels’ base running

The Islanders

The Nets

The Knicks

The Mets

Bud Selig

Nick Swisher’s ALCS batting average

Chip Caray

The Tennessee Titans

Eric Mangini

An Omar Minaya press conference

Me spending 45 minutes at work watching a flying saucer-shaped balloon fly over Colorado (oh, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t give that time back for anything)

And the #1 answer: Sobriety

Players of the Week

CC Sabathia: He was the man in games one and four. Eight innings and one run in the first game and then he did it again his next time out on Tuesday. Short rest? No problem. He’s already been storing up food for the winter by eating eight meals a day, so strength wasn’t an issue (ok, he probably does that year-round).

Alex Rodriguez: What’s going on with the erstwhile choke artist? He may be calm and relaxed on the outside, but his clutchness seems to have caught a case of ’roid rage. He has three homers and five RBI’s and is batting .368 in the ALCS

Runners Up

Mariano Rivera: The always reliable Yankees closer has pitched five innings in four games without giving up a run in the series vs. the Angels.

Derek Jeter: He and A-Rod carried the Yanks during the first part of the ALCS. He’s belted two dingers and has driven in three.

Domenik Hixon: The only bright spot for the Giants this week was Hixon’s 281 kickoff and punt return yards.

Thomas Jones: The Jets running back set a franchise-record, with 210 rushing yards. He also had one TD, and two career-long runs in a row (64 and 71 yards), but it wasn’t enough to beat Buffalo.

Zach Parise: The star of the Devils had four goals (including two vs. the Rangers last night) and two assists this week.

Martin Brodeur: The future Hall of Famer ended his hex against Henrik Lundqvist last night and also notched another shutout this week.

Michael Del Zotto: The Ranger teenager added two more goals, which gives him nine points in his first 10 games.

Matt Moulson: In four games this week, the Islander netted three goals and assisted on another.

Schmucks of the Week

Mark Sanchez: He threw a whopping five interceptions, and finished with an 8.3 QB rating on Sunday. Maybe he is the next Joe Namath, after all. Broadway Joe threw a lot more INT’s than TD’s in his career (220 to 173).

Giants D: Not a good game for anyone on the Giants D on Sunday. They let up almost 500 yards, couldn’t cover any of the Saints receivers and didn’t put any pressure on Drew Brees. Are the injuries starting to catch up with them? Did they think too much of themselves and came in to the game unprepared? Or did the recent bad baseball umpiring affect their play?

Now that the Great Balloon Hoax of Aught-Nine is over, we can concentrate on sports again (CC Sabathia’s uniform is so big and baggy, it could probably be filled with helium and flown across the country, too). This past week in New York sports, the Yankees swept the Twins and now have to take on those pesky, team-of-destiny Angels, the Giants killed the Raiders to stay undefeated, the Jets suffered their second consecutive loss, the Rangers kept on winning, the Devils heated up, but the poor Islanders still couldn’t manage to notch their first victory of the year. The most bizarre moment of the week, though, was the Mickey Rourke sighting on the Giants sideline. And Kevin Bacon showed up at the Garden for the Knicks preseason home opener. Is the cast of Diner making the rounds of the local sports teams to commemorate the 27^th anniversary of the movie?

Besides being at the Knicks game, Bacon could also be seen hiding in the Yankees dugout on Friday because, unbeknownst to A. J. Burnett, that was Shrevie’s wife, donned in curly black wig, behind the plate and not Jose Molina (or even Carol Heathrow for that matter). And wasn’t that Daniel Stern with a headset on standing next to Rex Ryan on Monday Night Football? I’m not an expert in lip reading, but I think Kris Jenkins put Stern’s James Brown album in the jazz section, and Stern was none too happy about it. I’m pretty sure he was also yelling at the Jets defense, “You never ask me what’s on the flip side!” Paul Reiser was spotted sitting at the end of the Islanders bench on Monday wondering if John Tavares was going to finish his sandwich and telling him, “You know what word I’m not comfortable with? Nuance. It’s not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture’s a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong.” Tim Daly ended up in the penalty box during Wednesday’s Rangers game, and was heard yelling at the Kings, “I’ll hit you so hard, I’ll kill your whole family!” And, yes, that was Steve Guttenberg playing goalie for the Devils against Washington on Monday. He did play Jim Craig in made-for-TV movie Miracle on Ice, after all. Martin Brodeur was busy taking Guttenberg’s hockey quiz, so the actor had to fill in for him.

Player of the Week

Alex Rodriguez: The Yanks’ third baseman batted .455, with two HR’s and six RBI’s in the division series vs. the Twins, and belted a game-tying two-run dinger in the bottom of the ninth on Friday. His transformation from a steroid cheating, adulterous, narcissistic, megalomaniac phony to just a regular narcissistic phony is the talk of the town. He’s even going to star in an upcoming movie, The Pride of Scott Boros.

Runners Up

Ahmad Bradshaw: The Giants backup running back only had 11 carries, but gained an impressive 110 yards and scored two TD’s.

Andy Pettitte: Sunday was Pettitte’s 36^th postseason start, the most in MLB history, and his 15^th win tied him with John Smoltz for most victories. Of course the postseason lasts almost as long as the regular season now. Whitey Ford could have won 30 games if had a chance to pitch in the “postseason” and not just the World Series.

Mariano Rivera: It’s Mariano Rivera Appreciation Week. Look at Joe Nathan, Jonathan Papelbon and Huston Street as exhibits A, B and C to see how good the Yankees have it. The best closer in the history of closers pitched 3.2 scoreless innings, with seven K’s and one walk in the three game series.

Mark Teixeira: The MVP candidate blasted a walk-off homer that just cleared the fence on Friday. Now that it’s playoff time, the deep-pocketed Yankees have specially made shaving cream pies flown in direct from the Gillette factory (though the Yankees had to hire a shaving cream taster to test them for poison beforehand since Gillette is located in South Boston).

Eli Manning: Things couldn’t have worked out better for Manning and the Giants. He was in the game Sunday just long enough to test out his foot and build up a quick 28-0 lead. He went 8 for 10, throwing for 173 yards and two TD’s. He finished with a perfect QB rating of 158.3, which was, coincidentally, the same score I got on my SAT’s.

David Carr: The backup QB mopped up for 2+ quarters, going 9 for 14 (90 yards), and had a rushing TD.

Justin Tuck: The monster defensive end recorded two sacks, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery. He led the D, which dominated―six sacks, three forced fumbles, 124 total yards allowed, and they didn’t give up a first down until well into the second quarter.

Braylon Edwards: The new Jets receiver made his presence felt in his debut, hauling in five passes for 64 yards, including a few acrobatic catches and a TD reception.

Vinny Prospal: The veteran left winger notched two goals and four assists in the three games the Rangers played this week, and netted the 200^th of his career.

Marian Gaborik: Mr. Third Period scored two goals and had two assists in three games. He has a point in all seven contests played by the Blueshirts this season.

David Clarkson: The Devils’ winger scored the game-winner in Saturday’s victory over Florida, and tied the game in the third period in Monday’s shootout win against Washington.

Schmuck of the Week

Rex Ryan: Uh-oh. Did Ryan take classes at the Herm Edwards school of clock management? His defense didn’t seem prepared, but at least he blamed himself for the Jets’ loss to the Dolphins. So he practically volunteered to be the Schmuck of the Week. Don’t forget, he’s a rookie, too. You could throw a few of the Jets players on here, also, for whining about Miami’s wildcat offense.

This was a week of records being broken, World Baseball Classic excitement and drinking until you turned green on St. Patrick’s Day, but it may have all been overshadowed by the weirdness that is Alex Rodriguez. Pictures were released of him pretty much making out with himself and rolling around on a mattress. Did he finally sweep himself off his feet? What’s next? Cloning? Maybe he got divorced so he can marry himself. He’s just getting more and more bizarre. “What was he thinking?” and “A-Rod” go to together like peanut butter and jelly these days. This week’s Hot Stove Player of the Week, Martin Brodeur, has turned down his prize: “I don’t need a prize. Just working and living in New Jersey is an award in and of itself.”

Winner

Martin Brodeur: The Devils goalie tied Patrick Roy’s all-time wins record on Saturday in his hometwon of Montreal and then broke it in New Jersey on Tuesday night. Next up is the all-time shutouts record, currently held by Terry Sawchuk, though it may have to come with an asterisk - Brodeur has been using performance enhancing equipment: a mask and pads as big as a billboard to protect him. Maybe Brodeur should go maskless in honor of his predecessor when he attempts to break the record. In any case, when Brodeur’s career is over, he’ll be on the Mount Rushmore of NHL goalies.

Runners Up

Nik Antropov: The new giant Ranger scored a goal in each of the Rangers games this week (two wins, one loss). So far, so good on that trade.

Sean Avery: The ultimate agitator has been a godsend for the Rangers. He led them to a 4-1 win over the Flyers on Sunday with two power play goals, scored another one the previous day and really, really gets on his opponents’ nerves.

Patrik Elias: Elias had a goal and three assists this week, and broke a record of his own – passing John MacLean as New Jersey’s all-time leading scorer.

David Wright: The Mets third baseman saved Team USA with a walk-off single to beat Puerto Rico. Does that make him an American hero?

Schmuck of the Week

Sean Williams: The Nets big man was arrested and charged with criminal mischief and disorderly conduct after going berserk at a cell-phone store, where he argued with a clerk, picked up a computer monitor and smashed it. We all suffer from tech rage once in a while, but that’s going a little too far. The Nets suspended him for two games, but also grounded him – no PlayStation for a month.

Here are the answers to yesterday’s quiz.

1. The Devils’ first season in New Jersey was 1982-83.

2. Aaron Broten was the team’s leading scorer in their inaugural season (16 goals, 39 assists, 55 points).

3. Bep Guidolin was the first coach in franchise history, in Kansas City from 1974-76.

4. John MacLean is the franchise’s all-time leading goal scorer, with 347.

5. Ken Daneyko is the franchise’s all-time leading games played leader, with 1,283.

6. Patrik Elias is the franchise’s all-time leader in assists, with 410 (and counting).

7. Chris Terreri is second in games played (302) and wins (118) for franchise goalies.

8. Jacques Lemaire (1995), Larry Robinson (2000 – replaced Robbie Ftorek that season) and Pat Burns (2003) have led the Devils to Stanley Cups.

9. Brian Gionta holds the franchise single-season record for goals scored, with 48 in 2005-06.

10. The New Jersey Devils first made the playoffs in 1987-88. They made it all the way to the conference finals, but lost to Boston.

The Devils started out in Kansas City, moved to Colorado and have settled in Newark (”Gateway to Secaucus”). See how much you know about the third (but best) team in the area. The answers will be posted tomorrow.

1. When was their first season in New Jersey?

2. Who was the team’s leading scorer in their inaugural season in Jersey?

3. Who was the first coach in franchise history?

4. Who is the franchise’s all-time leading goal scorer?

5. Who is the franchise’s all-time games played leader?

6. Who is the franchise’s all-time assists leader?

7. Martin Brodeur is the all-time games played and wins leader for franchise goalies (obviously). Who is second in those categories?

8. The Devils have had three different coaches lead them to Stanley Cups. Who are they?

9. Who holds the franchise single-season goals record?

10. In which season did the team first qualify for the playoffs after moving to New Jersey?

Welcome to New York (or welcome back, in some cases). This week saw a plethora of new players entering the New York sports scene – free agent acquisitions for the Giants and Jets, players acquired at the NHL trading deadline, a prodigal son returned and a future hall-of-famer is back from injury. The prize for this week’s Hot Stove Player of the Week, Martin Brodeur, is the return of Sean Avery to the area. Enjoy!

Winner

Martin Brodeur: The Devils goalie made his triumphant return, and has won all four games he’s played. He threw two shutouts in those games, and only let in a total of four goals. He’s about to break every goaltending record there is. And now his old nemesis is back. The new kinder and gentler Avery wouldn’t dare call the goalie Fatso again, would he?

Runners Up

Bart Scott/Jim Leonhard/Lito Sheppard: The Jets improved their D with two former Ravens joining their old coach, and an ex-Eagle thrown on the pile for good measure.

Chris Canty/Michael Boley/Rocky Bernard/C.C. Brown: The defensive line for the Giants is getting awfully crowded, but it’s a good problem to have. Big Blue’s 2008 D line ran out of steam the second half of the season, so they needed to bulk up. And their best new edition will be the return of Osi Umenyiori. But who’s going to catch the ball for them?

Sean Avery/Nik Antropov/Derek Morris: Size, grit and toughness have been added to the Blueshirts roster. “Even a milder version of Sean Avery is still not that mild,” said the agitator about himself. With John Tortorella thrown into the mix, the Rangers may even be fun and entertaining now. And let’s start counting: the Rangers are 1-0 with Avery in the lineup.

Larry Hughes: After starting his career with the Knicks by going 0 for 90 from the field, the shooting guard put in 23 points in the Knicks win over Atlanta, and also scored 19 and 25 in the team’s two losses last weekend.

Schmucks of the Week

The Media: Alex Rodriguez made a seemingly innocent comment praising Jose Reyes, while absent-mindedly insulting his teammates at the same time. He caught himself and tried to correct what the intent of his comment was, but the media had already run away and blew it up on the back pages of the papers. A-Rod should know better by now, but give the guy a break. He’s already a disaster (and now injured); he doesn’t anybody else’s help. I guess the lesson is: Never, ever say anything bad about Derek Jeter. Over in Port St. Lucie, the media has taken a molehill and made a mountain of Johan Santana’s sore arm. They tried to paint Santana and Dan Warthen as having a “war of words,” which wasn’t even close to the truth. Sure, the Mets have screwed up injury situations before (see Church, Ryan), but the media blew this way out of proportion.

Here are the answers to yesterday’s quiz.

1. The Rangers debut season was 1926-27.

2. The Devils franchise began as the Kansas City Scouts in 1974, and after two seasons moved to Colorado, where they played as the Rockies from 1976-82.

3. The one other NHL team to play in New York was the New York/Brooklyn Americans. They played in the league from 1925 to 1942.

4. The New York Raiders/Golden Blades/New Jersey Knights (one team, many names) played two seasons in the WHA before becoming the San Diego Mariners.

5. The Rangers acquired their name when newspaper writers started calling the team Tex’s Rangers, after original owner Tex Rickard.

6. New York/New Jersey teams have won 11 Stanley Cups – the Rangers won in 1928, 1933, 1940 and 1994; the Islanders in 1980, 1981, 1982 and 1983; and the Devils in 1995, 2000 and 2003.

7. Andy Bathgate (1959), Bryan Trottier (1979) and Mark Messier (1992) all won the Hart Trophy.

8. Bryan Trottier is the only New York-area player to win the Art Ross Trophy, when he led the NHL in scoring in 1978-79, with 134 points.

9. Five New York-area players have won the Norris Trophy – Doug Harvey (1961), Harry Howell (1967) and Brian Leetch (1992, 1997) of the Rangers; Denis Potvin (1976, 1978, 1979) of the Islanders; and Scott Niedermayer (2004) of the Devils.

10. Andre Lacroix of the New York Golden Blades/New Jersey Knights was the first team center on the WHA All-Star team. He led the league with 80 assists. Anybody who got this answer correct is a hockey trivia genius.

See how much you know about the history of the local hockey franchises. The answers will be posted tomorrow.

1. What year did the Rangers debut?

2. Before the Devils moved to New Jersey, they played in two other locations. Name them.

3. Besides the Rangers, Islanders and Devils, what other NHL franchises have played in the New York area?

4. What WHA franchise played in the New York area?

5. How did the Rangers get their name?

6. How many Stanley Cups have New York/New Jersey teams won?

7. In the past 50 years, only three New York-area players have won the Hart Trophy as the league’s MVP. Name them.

8. How many New York-area players have won the Art Ross Trophy (leading scorer; first handed out for the 1947-48 season)?

9. How many New York-area players have won the James Norris Trophy (top defenseman; first handed out for the 1953-54 season)?

10. Which center of the New York-area’s WHA franchise was named a first team All-Star for the 1973-74 season?

Thanks, Devils. They seem to solve all the Rangers’ problems, don’t they? The Blueshirts defeated David Puddy’s favorite team (el diablo!) out at the Rock yet again, by a score of 5-2. New Jersey was sorely undermanned (John MacLean had to fill in and take a few shifts), but it still counts in the standings. It was the first time the Rangers faced the Devils franchise without Martin Brodeur in goal since they were the Kansas City Scouts back in 1976.

After (another) slow start and falling behind 1-0 in the first period, the Blueshirts just completely turned it on in the second. New Jersey aided the Rangers immensely by having one player after another take turns sitting in the penalty box (four infractions in all in the second). New York ended up with two five-on-threes in the period and scored on both of them. That would be routine for most teams, but five-on-threes haven’t been the Rangers’ best friend this season. Michal Rozsival scored the first one, slapping it by Kevin Weekes (see what happens when you actually shoot the puck, Rozsy?). Chris Drury followed him by sailing one into the net. Then the Korpedo got into the act. Lauri Korpokoski notched his first NHL goal, when he whistled a wrist shot past Weekes. And the final goal of the period was put in by Nikolai Zherdev, again on a five-on-three. The four goals were scored in an eight minute and five second span. Zherdev would add another one in the third to finish the scoring (while Weekes spent the period in the locker room watching the Knicks game).

And look who loaded up on the assists: Digel Dawes had two, Dan Fritsche had two and Dan Girardi had two (though that’s not a surprise). Scott Gomez was out with a leg injury (rumor has it, it’s an ankle bruise), so Tom Renney had to reshuffle his lines once more. The Korpedo centered Fritsche and Dawes, and wouldn’t you know, they racked up five points. Drury skated between Ryan Callahan and Markus Naslund. The Playstation line was back together. And it’ll take an act of God to separate the fourth line.

The scoring explosion in the second was a sight for sore eyes. And the Rangers added some aggressive forechecking, speed and hitting to the mix as well. There was the usual pushing, shoving, facials and how-do-you-do’s by both teams. Colton Orr was nice and aggressive in this game (and picked up a 10-minute misconduct). And Brandon Dubinsky got into a brew-ha-ha with Dainius Zubrus. Zubrus ended up with his sweater over his head (that somehow happened to me at work today, too, but that’s nothing new), which is a no-no, and the Devil was kicked out of the game. But first he fell onto Dubinsky after freaking out, as he’s afraid of the dark.

We don’t really have to say anything about Henrik Lundqvist (27 saves). He only let in two goals. We say that after every game. He made a number of great saves. We say that after every game, too. And he beat the Devils. We say that after every Rangers-Devils game. The team celebrated the victory by sending Patrick Rissmiller down to Hartford for a conditioning assignment.

Next game: Saturday night vs. the Big, Bad Bruins

Bag-O’-Knuckles-O-Meter

Colton Orr: 4

Aaron Voros: 4

Brandon Dubinsky: 2

Paul Mara: 2

Ryan Callahan: 1

Marc Staal: 1

Is Aaron Voros the new Sean Avery (but without the annoying personality)? He stood in front of Martin Brodeur all game long, as the two got to know each other. And in the process, the Rangers free-agent acquisition from Minnesota scored two goals and assisted on another. It looks like we have a new fan favorite. The Blueshirts picked up where they left off last season by beating the Devils yet again, 4-1, to remain unbeaten for the year.

The Voros/Dubinsky/Zherdev line dominated again. Brandon Dubinsky had a goal (that Brodeur helplessly waved at) and two assists, and Nikolai Zherdev pitched in with an assist. That’s the second game this year that line has racked up seven points. They’re the best line on the team so far, and they’re fun to watch. It looks like Brodeur has found his new Rangers nemesis in Voros. After Avery interned at Vogue for part of the summer, he and Brodeur actually spent a month together working on a sitcom pilot, Fatso and the Intern. But whenever the Devils goalie couldn’t remember his lines, Avery would drive Brodeur to tears with chants of Mar-ty! Mar-ty! The project was subsequently cancelled. Now Voros can take over, make himself at home in the crease and agitate Brodeur to no end. Dubinsky and Voros weren’t perfect, though. The center gave away the puck leading to New Jersey’s only goal, while the left wing took a stupid slashing penalty in the third period. But when they score, they roll around the ice like a bunch of wrestling polar bear cubs.

Henrik Lundqvist made 26 saves and upped his record vs. the Devils to 13-2-4. He was the best goalie on the ice again and has now only let in five goals in four games. He’s not facing a lot of shots but is making the spectacular save when he has to. A big reason why he’s not being peppered with shots is the solid play of the defensemen. Marc Staal, Dan Girardi (two assists), Paul Mara (assist) and Wade Redden are all stepping up in front of Lundqvist. And the offense keeps on pressuring the puck and forechecking (except for the second half of the second period last night).

The Rangers netted two power-play goals for the first time this season (both scored by Voros). Though they couldn’t get anything going on a five on three in the third. And the penalty kill is still perfect. Five games and counting. Ryan Callahan put the cherry on top with an empty-netter (with an unselfish assist by Dubinsky). The Blueshirts attained 15 out of 16 points against New Jersey last season, and they’re off to a roaring start this year.

In sad news, the Rangers’ 2007 first-round draft pick, Alexei Cherepanov, passed away during a game in Russia. He skated off the ice, sat down on the bench (next to Jaromir Jagr) and suffered an apparent heart attack. He was 19. Unbelievable.