The Knicks won a game this week! And The Answer may be coming to New York (so the question must be: Will a desperate team do anything to keep their fans interested?). But with last Friday’s loss, the Knicks established the worst 10-game start in franchise history. Things could be a lot worse, though; here are some other bad starts throughout history that may help them feel better about themselves: The Hindenburg blew up over New Jersey on the first of its 10 scheduled round-trips between Europe and the United States, killing 36 people; the Titanic hit an iceberg and sunk four days into its maiden voyage; William Henry Harrison died of a cold one month into his presidency in 1841; Wally Backman lasted four days as manager of the Arizona Diamondbacks before he was unceremoniously shown the door; Gilligan’s three-hour tour got off to an inauspicious start, getting stranded on a deserted island for 15 years, until the castaways were miraculously rescued, followed by them buying the island but almost losing it in an evil scam until they were helped out of the jam by the Harlem Globetrotters; Richie Cunningham’s brother Chuck on Happy Days appeared in only two episodes in the first season and was never heard from again; the Seattle Pilots existed for one measly year before moving to Milwaukee; and my career selling rodeo tickets over the phone lasted two days before I woke up and came to my senses. The lesson in all this for the Knicks is that they could explode in a fireball over New Jersey at any moment, sink to the bottom of the ocean taking Leonardo DiCaprio with them or be written out of the NBA altogether like Chuck Cunningham was. The best case scenario for the team: The Harlem Globetrotters come to the Garden and save their ass.

That takes care of the Knicks; now let’s look at the other local teams and we’ll put fun, convenient labels on them to boot:

An Efficient Machine

Devils: Their nine-game road winning streak (one short of tying the NHL record) and eight-game overall winning streak both ended on Monday night in Philly on Dave Schultz Night, as he was inducted into the Flyers Hall of Fame. Is there any significance or special meaning to that? Schultz was the personification of the brawling 1970s, and holds the all-time single-season record for penalty minutes, with 472 in 1974-’75. Isn’t it about time that somebody started a Hockey Goon Hall of Fame? (Trivia: Schultz’s brother appeared in Slap Shot as an opposing player.) Jacques Lemaire and the Devils are the epitome of defensive hockey. They rank 21^st in goals per game, at 2.56, but their league-leading 2.07 goals against average has them in first place in the Atlantic Division (despite two losses in a row). Lemaire spent much of his playing days learning how to play defense by centering a line with Guy Lafleur and Steve Shutt, as he had to backcheck his way through many a game, while those two sharp shooters poured in goal after goal.

Surprise Team

Islanders: After getting off to a rocky start, the Islanders are one of the surprise teams of the NHL. That’s what hard work will do for you. John Tavares is living up to his billing (19 points), while Matt Moulson is turning into the find of the century (18 points). They’re going in the opposite direction than the Rangers, who they’ve caught in the standings, both totaling 23 points.

Sinking (But it’s a Long Season)

Rangers: The good times (7-1 start) are over (4-8-1 since). They can’t score, they’re not tough enough, they’re too easy to play against, they take too many penalties, they have too many defensive breakdowns and they’re shorthanded at center with no replacements in sight. Can they recover or is the makeup of the roster too much to overcome? Maybe John Tortorella should start crying. That seems to be the coaching technique du jour.

Sinking (But There’s Still Hope)

Giants: They had their best week in over a month, with Dallas, Philly and even Atlanta (if you’re starting to keep track of the wild card race) all losing. The Giants haven’t looked this good since they defeated Oakland. The key to their success, of course, was not actually playing a game. Their best strategy from here on out may be to not take the field at all. Can you decline the rest of your schedule the way you can decline a penalty and take your chances on your present record?

Sinking (And They’re Running Out of Time)

Jets: The Jets players are making their coach cry. But poor clock management, wasted timeouts, a plethora of turnovers and a defense that can’t make the big stop are making Jet fans cry. The team has the swagger part down; it’s just the beating the opponent part that’s troubling them. Mark Sanchez has a prepared statement all set to go for his next postgame press conference on why he entered a hot dog eating contest at halftime of their game up in New England on Sunday.

Disaster

Nets: The Nets are doing even worse than the Knicks, and are planning to jump back to the ABA before they have a chance to go 0-82. They’re hoping to put a schedule together and play against the Spirits of St, Louis, San Diego Conquistadors, Virginia Squires, Memphis Tams and Kentucky Colonels once again and regain their dominance in that defunct league. They play the Knicks on Saturday (if they can scrounge up enough players). Will the world explode if one of those teams actually wins the game?

The Yankees win the World Series and as soon as you can say the words “Johnny Damon wants a four-year contract” the rest of the New York–area teams go down the tubes. They went a combined 5-11 this past week. It must be a hangover. Are all the local teams riding on the Yankees’ coattails and going to all of their parties? It’s also possible that many of the area teams just stink. The Knicks and Nets went a combined 0-7 this week, and are 1-16 for the year, for instance. It was only the always-good Devils that skewed the combined record by going 4-0, and they barely count as a local team.

Here’s a day-by-day look at the past seven days.

Friday: The injury-riddled Nets lost to Philly, which kept them winless for the season, and the Devils beat the Islanders in a continuation of the New Jersey–Long Island War of 1801, in which it was so cold and icey out during the Battle of Massapequa that both sides just gave up after 15 minutes and vowed to resume fighting “when they invent the game of hockey and the Colorado Rockies move to New Jersey.” The big highlight of the evening was, of course, the Knicks game. And, as expected, the Knicks were humiliated by LeBron James and the Cavs. They fought back bravely at the end, but who were they kidding? The game was secondary, though, as the real story was: Will LeBron come to New York next year? The Knicks owe it to their fans after shipping Walt Frazier off to Cleveland as compensation for signing Jim Cleamons and forcing him to wear those yellow, orange and red stripey uniforms. Here’s an argument for both sides of the LeBron to New York or LeBron stays in Cleveland debate.

5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Come to New York:

1. On his days off, he can go to Rudy’s and take advantage of the free hot dogs.

2. New York City is the talcum powder capital of the world.

3. He should to get out of town before Eric Mangini’s losing rubs off on him.

4. He can fulfill his lifelong dream of playing in a softball league on Randall’s Island during the summer.

5. Drew Carey will finally have to move out of his basement.

5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Stay in Cleveland:

1. There’s better oompah music in Cleveland.

2. It’s closer to his vacation home in Toledo.

3. If he comes to New York, Braylon Edwards will have to be traded back to Cleveland.

4. The only Knick players worth having as teammates have long retired.

5. He gets to hang out with Willie Mays Hayes.

Saturday: The Rangers lost the game to Calgary and lost two centers to boot. Chris Drury was knocked upside the head with a cheap shot but his teammates just let it slide. The Knicks continued their losing ways, falling to Milwaukee, 102-97. “We got outplayed so badly in the first quarter, it really didn’t matter what happened after that,” stated David Lee. It’s looking like you can probably say that about the whole season. The Nets lost. Again. That Russian billionaire might want his money back at this point. The surging Devils beat Ottawa, 3-2, and the scrappy Islanders defeated Atlanta, 6-3. How fun would it be to have three top-notch hockey teams in the area? How good would it be to just have three hockey teams in the area? The Isles can’t go to Kansas City, can they?

Sunday: The Giants suffered a crushing loss. Sure, the Chargers have pretty cool helmets but that’s no excuse for the Jints to lose. Their defense is just not the same as previous seasons. Where have you gone, Steve Spagnuolo? Giants fans turn their lonely eyes to you. And the offensive game-calling was conservative, playing not to lose instead of to win. As my daughter once told me after a heated game of Go Fish, “YOU PLAY . . . TO WIN . . . THE GAME!”

Monday: The Knicks lost a heartbreaker to Utah. It was the Toney Douglas show, but he just couldn’t make that last shot. Will he soon be taking over for Chris Duhon? In better news, Brian Leetch, Lou Lamoriello and John Davidson were all enshrined in the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Tuesday: There weren’t any local games, so nobody could lose on this day. Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter won Gold Gloves today, though. No one can argue with the wizardry of Teixeira at first, and Jeter had one of his best seasons on defense. In the past, Sabremetricians were rolling over in their graves when Jeter would win a Gold Glove. And the ones that weren’t dead were rolling their eyes. And the ones that were wearing eye patches were shrugging their shoulders. And the ones who had their shoulders amputated due to too much shrugging, well, they have bigger problems than Jeter’s fielding. Speaking of big problems, a svelte Eddy Curry returned to practice. He lost weight easily once he realized the diet he was on for the past year wasn’t working. He had been trying one of those celebrity fad diets: James Gandolfini’s All Little Italy All the Time Diet.

Wednesday: The Knicks had a big lead but lost to Atlanta. Douglas had his second straight 20-plus point game, after being inserted into the starting lineup as the shooting guard. The Nets announced before their game vs. Philly that they would be changing their name to the Washington Generals, and on cue they went out and lost. The Devils just keep on winning, though, beating Anaheim. And the Islanders scored a late goal to send the game into OT, but ultimately lost in a marathon shootout to Washington. Both teams ran out of players so Guy Charron had to come out of retirement to score the game-winner for the Caps.

Thursday: The Devils moved into first place with their victory last night in Pittsburgh, which was their ninth straight road win to start the season. One more ties the NHL record. And the wrong-way Rangers keep going backwards. Marian Gaborik scored as usual, and they got two goals from the center position playing with their makeshift lineup, but bad defense, too many penalties and not enough effort did them in again.

All anybody’s talking about in the New York area is the Islanders’ first regulation win over the Rangers (though Jimmy Rollins predicted it on Monday). You can’t walk down the street without somebody stopping you and asking all about the hockey team from Long Island. Will they get on a roll? Is John Tavares the real deal? Islanders, Islanders, Islanders! Everybody’s forgetting all about the bad start of the two local basketball teams, and does anybody even know that the Yankees are in the World Series this year? All the Islanders-all-the-time talk is really taking the pressure off the other local teams.

Here at Hot Stove, we know that the Yankees are in the World Series again, as you can’t get anything by us. The Bronx Bombers paid their $200 million entry fee into the Series, setting up a rematch of the 1950 Fall Classic. And with so many off-days, it seems like there are about 59 years between games in this postseason. In the Series we’ve already seen Cliff Lee nonchalantly put the Bombers’ bats to sleep, and in game two the Yankees proved once again to be Pedro Martinez’s daddy. After the game, Martinez also claimed that Mark Teixeira was his uncle, Hideki Matsui a distant cousin and Jorge Posada was his Aunt Lucille. People in New York may not care for the Phillies (or Eagles or Sixers or Flyers), but not everything from Philly is bad. They did give us two of America’s greatest cultural achievements (no, not Chase Utley’s hair): Cheesesteaks and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Of course, the mayors from the two cities made their usual bet on the Series. Many ideas were tossed around on what the bet would consist of: If the Yankees lose, New York City would change its name to Mike Schmidtville, if Philly loses it would change to Little Smellier New York; if the Phils win NYC would have to replace the Statue of Liberty with a 300-foot statue of the Philly Phanatic, if the Yanks win Philadelphia has to tear down its statue of Rocky and put one up of Clue Haywood; if the Phillies win Pedro Martinez gets to slam the Yankee coach of his choice to the ground once more for old time’s sake, if the Yankees win A.J. Burnett gets to smash a pie filled with stuff fished out of the East River in Shane Victorino’s face. They finally settled on the losing city just disappearing from the face of the earth.

In local football news, the Jets and Giants beat Oakland this season by a combined score of 82-7. The Jets kept things simple for Mark Sanchez, who spent the game eating hot dogs in the huddle while watching his running backs go wild. Teams instantly get back on track when playing the Raiders, but can it work like that in real life, also? If your marriage is on the rocks, can you spend the day with the Oakland Raiders and you’ll be on your way to a second honeymoon? Failing out of high school? Will three hours with the Raiders get those grades back up and you’ll find yourself enrolling in Harvard? If your life is falling apart because of an alcohol problem, will running around the football field for an afternoon with the Raiders put everything back into place? Are the Oakland Raiders the cure for all of our problems?

Player of the Week

Shonn Greene: The Jets rookie stepped in when Leon Washington was lost for the season, and gained a whopping 144 yards and scored two touchdowns. But how many spellings of the name ‘Sean’ do we need? Shonn, Chone, Shean, Sean, Shaun, Shawn. Stop the madness.

Runners Up

A.J. Burnett: The Yanks needed Burnett to come up big, and he was clutch in game two, throwing seven strong innings and outdueling Pedro.

Mariano Rivera: After getting a two-inning save to close out the Angels on Sunday, Rivera did it again last night to save game two of the World Series (though he got a little help from the umps).

Mark Teixeira/Hideki Matsui: Each blasted a homer to right, which was enough offense for the Bronx Bombers. But what’s happening to Alex Rodriguez? 0-8 with six strikeouts in the Series? Uh-oh.

Thomas Jones: Another day at the office for Jones – 121 yards and a TD.

Jets Offensive Line: They only let up one sack and have blocked their way to being the first team to have back-to-back 300 rushing yards since the 1975 Bills, who, of course, featured O.J. Simpson. Let’s just hope that none of these linemen become A.C. Cowlings to Thomas Jones’ O.J.

Calvin Pace: The busy linebacker had three sacks, seven tackles and two forced fumbles. But does it really count if it’s against Oakland?

Andy Pettitte: The veteran lefty notched his record-setting 16^th postseason win, while clinching the ALCS for the Yanks on Sunday.

Kevin Boss: The Giants tight end had three catches, but the one late in the game when he was almost knocked unconscious with a helmet to helmet hit earns him a spot here. That’s one tough dude.

Jeff Tambellini: The Islanders went 1-0-2, this week, and Tambellini picked up three goals and an assist along the way.

Brook Lopez: The Nets big man scored 27 points, hauled in 15 rebounds and blocked five shots, but the Nets still collapsed in Minnesota.

Marian Gaborik: The Ranger star had five points in two games, and left a gaping hole in the lineup when he missed Wednesday’s game.

R.I.P. Bill Chadwick: Legendary Rangers announcer The Big Whistle died on Saturday, at the age of 94. He was colorful, loud and fun. I ranked him #7 on my painstakingly non-researched post of the best local announcers of the last 40 years. He was originally a referee and invented the hand signals that refs still use today. I was watching the Rangers game when his death was announced, which reminds me of the time when I was a kid and was viewing the back-to-back Hogan’s Heroes episodes that channel 5 used to show from 11 PM–midnight, when the news team cut in with the startling report that the show’s star Bob Crane was murdered. I instantly blamed Colonel Klink. Coincidence? Synchronicity? The ghost of Bob Crane has haunted me ever since, though. I constantly wake up to find radios in my coffee pot, tunnels built under my house and Lebeau’s strudel sitting on my kitchen counter.

Schmuck of the Week

Eli Manning: The Giants QB may have been over-thinking things a little too much by changing plays at the line of scrimmage on every down, taking two delay of game penalties along the way and throwing three picks. Or was he listening to the Yankees game in the radio in his helmet?  At any rate, Manning had trouble hooking up with his receivers all game long and never seemed to solve Arizona’s defense.

It was a brutal week for the New York football teams, as the Giants got killed and the Jets fell to lowly Buffalo and lost Kris Jenkins for the rest of the season. Even the hockey teams mixed in some debacles with a few wins. And something bad probably happened to the Mets even though their season is long over.

But even after last night’s loss, the Yankees are sitting pretty, with a 3-2 lead in the series and heading back home. With a budget as high as our country’s deficit, the Yanks had two options this offseason: Use their money to cure the U.S. economy or buy a whole bunch of free agents. They chose the latter, and it’s working out just fine (well, for them). Unfortunately, the one aspect of the playoffs that has stood out the most is the atrocious umpiring. The horrible umpiring in this year’s postseason is unprecedented, but there are things out there that are actually worse, if you can believe it. And there’s only one way to discover what those things are – we’re going to have to play Family Feud. So here we go . . . let’s play the Feud! We’ve surveyed 20,000 Americans and came up with the top 20 answers. Name something that is worse than this year’s playoff umpiring. Survey says . . .

Steve Phillips‘ judgment

Steve Phillips’ taste in women

Steve Phillips’ wife’s taste in men

ESPN’s taste in announcers

The closers on every playoff team except the Yankees

Joe Girardi’s decision to bring in Alfredo Aceves in game three

The Angels’ defense

The Angels’ base running

The Islanders

The Nets

The Knicks

The Mets

Bud Selig

Nick Swisher’s ALCS batting average

Chip Caray

The Tennessee Titans

Eric Mangini

An Omar Minaya press conference

Me spending 45 minutes at work watching a flying saucer-shaped balloon fly over Colorado (oh, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t give that time back for anything)

And the #1 answer: Sobriety

Players of the Week

CC Sabathia: He was the man in games one and four. Eight innings and one run in the first game and then he did it again his next time out on Tuesday. Short rest? No problem. He’s already been storing up food for the winter by eating eight meals a day, so strength wasn’t an issue (ok, he probably does that year-round).

Alex Rodriguez: What’s going on with the erstwhile choke artist? He may be calm and relaxed on the outside, but his clutchness seems to have caught a case of ’roid rage. He has three homers and five RBI’s and is batting .368 in the ALCS

Runners Up

Mariano Rivera: The always reliable Yankees closer has pitched five innings in four games without giving up a run in the series vs. the Angels.

Derek Jeter: He and A-Rod carried the Yanks during the first part of the ALCS. He’s belted two dingers and has driven in three.

Domenik Hixon: The only bright spot for the Giants this week was Hixon’s 281 kickoff and punt return yards.

Thomas Jones: The Jets running back set a franchise-record, with 210 rushing yards. He also had one TD, and two career-long runs in a row (64 and 71 yards), but it wasn’t enough to beat Buffalo.

Zach Parise: The star of the Devils had four goals (including two vs. the Rangers last night) and two assists this week.

Martin Brodeur: The future Hall of Famer ended his hex against Henrik Lundqvist last night and also notched another shutout this week.

Michael Del Zotto: The Ranger teenager added two more goals, which gives him nine points in his first 10 games.

Matt Moulson: In four games this week, the Islander netted three goals and assisted on another.

Schmucks of the Week

Mark Sanchez: He threw a whopping five interceptions, and finished with an 8.3 QB rating on Sunday. Maybe he is the next Joe Namath, after all. Broadway Joe threw a lot more INT’s than TD’s in his career (220 to 173).

Giants D: Not a good game for anyone on the Giants D on Sunday. They let up almost 500 yards, couldn’t cover any of the Saints receivers and didn’t put any pressure on Drew Brees. Are the injuries starting to catch up with them? Did they think too much of themselves and came in to the game unprepared? Or did the recent bad baseball umpiring affect their play?

Now that the Great Balloon Hoax of Aught-Nine is over, we can concentrate on sports again (CC Sabathia’s uniform is so big and baggy, it could probably be filled with helium and flown across the country, too). This past week in New York sports, the Yankees swept the Twins and now have to take on those pesky, team-of-destiny Angels, the Giants killed the Raiders to stay undefeated, the Jets suffered their second consecutive loss, the Rangers kept on winning, the Devils heated up, but the poor Islanders still couldn’t manage to notch their first victory of the year. The most bizarre moment of the week, though, was the Mickey Rourke sighting on the Giants sideline. And Kevin Bacon showed up at the Garden for the Knicks preseason home opener. Is the cast of Diner making the rounds of the local sports teams to commemorate the 27^th anniversary of the movie?

Besides being at the Knicks game, Bacon could also be seen hiding in the Yankees dugout on Friday because, unbeknownst to A. J. Burnett, that was Shrevie’s wife, donned in curly black wig, behind the plate and not Jose Molina (or even Carol Heathrow for that matter). And wasn’t that Daniel Stern with a headset on standing next to Rex Ryan on Monday Night Football? I’m not an expert in lip reading, but I think Kris Jenkins put Stern’s James Brown album in the jazz section, and Stern was none too happy about it. I’m pretty sure he was also yelling at the Jets defense, “You never ask me what’s on the flip side!” Paul Reiser was spotted sitting at the end of the Islanders bench on Monday wondering if John Tavares was going to finish his sandwich and telling him, “You know what word I’m not comfortable with? Nuance. It’s not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture’s a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong.” Tim Daly ended up in the penalty box during Wednesday’s Rangers game, and was heard yelling at the Kings, “I’ll hit you so hard, I’ll kill your whole family!” And, yes, that was Steve Guttenberg playing goalie for the Devils against Washington on Monday. He did play Jim Craig in made-for-TV movie Miracle on Ice, after all. Martin Brodeur was busy taking Guttenberg’s hockey quiz, so the actor had to fill in for him.

Player of the Week

Alex Rodriguez: The Yanks’ third baseman batted .455, with two HR’s and six RBI’s in the division series vs. the Twins, and belted a game-tying two-run dinger in the bottom of the ninth on Friday. His transformation from a steroid cheating, adulterous, narcissistic, megalomaniac phony to just a regular narcissistic phony is the talk of the town. He’s even going to star in an upcoming movie, The Pride of Scott Boros.

Runners Up

Ahmad Bradshaw: The Giants backup running back only had 11 carries, but gained an impressive 110 yards and scored two TD’s.

Andy Pettitte: Sunday was Pettitte’s 36^th postseason start, the most in MLB history, and his 15^th win tied him with John Smoltz for most victories. Of course the postseason lasts almost as long as the regular season now. Whitey Ford could have won 30 games if had a chance to pitch in the “postseason” and not just the World Series.

Mariano Rivera: It’s Mariano Rivera Appreciation Week. Look at Joe Nathan, Jonathan Papelbon and Huston Street as exhibits A, B and C to see how good the Yankees have it. The best closer in the history of closers pitched 3.2 scoreless innings, with seven K’s and one walk in the three game series.

Mark Teixeira: The MVP candidate blasted a walk-off homer that just cleared the fence on Friday. Now that it’s playoff time, the deep-pocketed Yankees have specially made shaving cream pies flown in direct from the Gillette factory (though the Yankees had to hire a shaving cream taster to test them for poison beforehand since Gillette is located in South Boston).

Eli Manning: Things couldn’t have worked out better for Manning and the Giants. He was in the game Sunday just long enough to test out his foot and build up a quick 28-0 lead. He went 8 for 10, throwing for 173 yards and two TD’s. He finished with a perfect QB rating of 158.3, which was, coincidentally, the same score I got on my SAT’s.

David Carr: The backup QB mopped up for 2+ quarters, going 9 for 14 (90 yards), and had a rushing TD.

Justin Tuck: The monster defensive end recorded two sacks, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery. He led the D, which dominated―six sacks, three forced fumbles, 124 total yards allowed, and they didn’t give up a first down until well into the second quarter.

Braylon Edwards: The new Jets receiver made his presence felt in his debut, hauling in five passes for 64 yards, including a few acrobatic catches and a TD reception.

Vinny Prospal: The veteran left winger notched two goals and four assists in the three games the Rangers played this week, and netted the 200^th of his career.

Marian Gaborik: Mr. Third Period scored two goals and had two assists in three games. He has a point in all seven contests played by the Blueshirts this season.

David Clarkson: The Devils’ winger scored the game-winner in Saturday’s victory over Florida, and tied the game in the third period in Monday’s shootout win against Washington.

Schmuck of the Week

Rex Ryan: Uh-oh. Did Ryan take classes at the Herm Edwards school of clock management? His defense didn’t seem prepared, but at least he blamed himself for the Jets’ loss to the Dolphins. So he practically volunteered to be the Schmuck of the Week. Don’t forget, he’s a rookie, too. You could throw a few of the Jets players on here, also, for whining about Miami’s wildcat offense.

The Giants kept on rolling this week, the Jets lost to a good Saints team (but traded for troublemaker Braylon Edwards), hockey season has started, with mixed results for the three local teams, the Mets held a day-long press conference on Monday to announce the firing of two coaches, and the $200-million juggernaut that is the Yankees steamrolled over the Twins in the opening game of their playoff series. Here are some fun facts about the Yanks and Twins:

CC Sabathia eats more food in one year than the farmers of Minnesota produce combined.

Brett Favre was warming up in the Twins bullpen in the seventh inning of Wednesday’s game.

George Steinbrenner gave an inspired speech to the team down in Tampa after the Yankees’ final regular season game. It was short, yet fiery: “Where the hell is my damn calzone!”

After defeating the Tigers in their dramatic one-game showdown on Tuesday, the Twins immediately called Darryl Strawberry, Lenny Dykstra and Keith Hernandez to find out the most effective way to destroy a plane on a flight to New York.

Carlos Gomez almost missed third base, fell down and stopped running when heading for home with the winning run against Detroit because he briefly thought he was back on the Mets.

The real reason Kevin McHale was fired by the Timberwolves was that he spent the last month of his tenure trying to trade Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau to the Red Sox.

Kate Hudson first met Alex Rodriguez when she appraoched him about tips on steroid use, because her husband at the time, Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes, weighed only 39 pounds.

The Yankee players have a plan if they fall behind in the series – they realized that they make so much money they can just buy the Twins and force them to pitch Nick Punto and Michael Cuddyer in games four and five.

Trying to change his manager’s mind about not playing him in game two, Jorge Posada committed two passed balls on Wednesday to show that it’s not just A.J. Burnett he has trouble with – he can’t catch anybody.

Former Yankee and Twin Chuck Knoblauch will be honored before tonight’s game by being handcuffed and hauled away to jail.

Player of the Week

Steve Smith: After his 11 catch, 134 yard, two touchdown day on Sunday, he now leads the NFL in catches, yards and TD receptions. He’s stepped up big-time and turned what seemed like a weakness for the Giants into a strength.

Runners Up

Eli Manning: He had another impressive game on Sunday, although he had to leave with a foot injury. His consecutive game streak is now in doubt. I always thought that the only way he would miss a game would be if he had to film another commercial. Manning moved up to third on the all-time Giants list for TD passes (106), passing Sir Francis Tarkenton. He has a long way to go to catch Phil Simms (199) and Charlie Conerly (173).

Michael Boley: The linebacker recorded a sack and five tackles (four in the backfield for losses), but now he has to have surgery – “and like that . . . he’s gone.” The Giants D held Larry Johnson to 53 yards.

Bryan Kehl: He recovered a fumble on the opening kickoff and grabbed onside kick to start second half. And guess what? He’s out with an injury, too. The Giants better be careful or they’ll turn into the Mets.

Darrelle Revis: It was another shutdown game for the shutdown cornerback.

Alex Rodriguez: He closed out the regular season with two homers and seven RBI’s, all in one inning, which set the AL record for most ribbies in an inning. And he got two hits and drove in two runs – in the playoffs! Maybe he doesn’t know the postseason has started yet.

CC Sabathia/Derek Jeter/Hideki Matsui: They all did what they were supposed to do in game one.

John Tavares/Micheal Del Zotto: The teenagers made their NHL debuts and both scored their first career goals this week. The Islanders phenom had a goal and two assists in a pair of games, while the Rangers’ 19-year-old defenseman racked up four points in four games, with two goals and two assists, and was plus-one.

Marian Gaborik: So far, so good for the Rangers’ big-money acquisition. He piled up four goals and two assists in the team’s first four games, and scored the tying and winning goals in the third period last night to beat Washington.

Nelson Figueroa: The journeyman right-hander threw a complete game shutout on Sunday. The Mets are finally firing on all cylinders, with a three-game winning streak. You mean the season’s finally over? After the game, Met players threw their hats and other equipment into the crowd, but the fans threw it all back.

Schmuck of the Week

Mark Sanchez: He’s not really a schmuck, just a rookie. He threw three INTs and fumbled once, leading to two Saints TD’s. It had to happen sooner or later.

Here is the third installment of our Superteams Smackdown series (for the first two, click here and here). The Islanders won their first Stanley Cup in only their eighth season. The Rangers won their first in their second season, but nobody remembers that one. Their 1994 Cup win was the Blueshirts’ first in 54 years, so it felt like the first time. If the team that started the Islanders dynasty faced the Rangers Cup-winning team that “will last a lifetime,” who would win? And would somebody from Def Leppard be there to place the Cup upside down?

After winning the President’s Trophy the year before, but being upset by the surprising Rangers, the 1979-80 Islanders finished in second place in the Patrick Division (91 points), but went all the way this time, to win the first of four straight Stanley Cups. They were coached by the great Al Arbour, and the architect of the team was Bill Torrey. Bryan Trottier (42 goals, 62 assists) and Mike Bossy (51 goals) led the offense. Three-time Norris Trophy winner Denis Potvin (8 goals, 33 assists in 31 games) anchored the defense. Even though he wasn’t always popular with his own teammates, the Hall-of-Famer was named captain that season. And the year before, he inspired a popular chant at Madison Square Garden. The rest of the team was filled out by toughness, character and grit. Clark Gillies, one of the all-time great fighters, collected 54 points. Late-season pickup Butch Goring filled the veteran leadership role and taught them how to win “the LA Kings way” (ok, not really). Bob Nystrom was Mr. Islander. Garry Howatt racked up 219 penalty minutes. Duane Sutter, Bob Bourne, John Tonelli, Stefan Persson, Lorne Henning and Gord Lane all played important roles. And Ken Morrow went from the Miracle on Ice gold-medal-winning Olympic team to a Stanley Cup in a matter of months. He would also earn the most money on the Pro Bowlers Tour that year and picked up an Oscar for his portrayal of the third LaMotta brother, Gary, in Raging Bull.

Chico Resch and Billy Smith split time in goal during the regular season, but the Islanders rode Smith to the Stanley Cup in the playoffs. He went 15-4 with a 2.80 GAA. The team went through LA, Boston, Buffalo and the powerhouse Flyers to win the championship. Trottier won the Conn Smythe (12 goals, 17 assists) and paid back the Rangers by becoming the worst coach they ever had. And always-clutch Nystrom netted the Cup-winning goal in OT of game six.

The Rangers won the President’s Trophy in 1992, shockingly missed the playoffs altogether in ‘93 and then collected the most points (112) in the league again in ‘94. If they didn’t win the Cup that season, they would have been run out of town and the New York Americans would have had to re-form. But about-to-be-six-time Cup-winner Mark Messier wouldn’t let that happen. The captain scored 26 goals and added 58 assists. Defenseman Sergei Zubov led the team in points (12 goals, 77 assists). All-time good guy Adam Graves set a then-team record for goals, with 52. Brian Leetch tallied 79 points. Jeff Beukeboom (170 PIM) was a brick wall. Steve Larmer, Alex Kovalev and Stephan Matteau! Matteau! Matteau! were key to the team. A smattering of former Edmonton Oilers (Glenn Anderson, Craig MacTavish, Kevin Lowe, Esa Tikkanen) brought their winning ways to Seventh Avenue. And Mike Richter starred in goal (42-12-6, 2.57; 16-7, 2.07 in the playoffs).

The Mike Keenan-led Blueshirts defeated the Islanders, Washington, New Jersey and finally (finally!) Vancouver to win the Cup. Leetch won the Conn Smythe (34 points). Messier made his famous guarantee in the Devils series and unbelievably scored a hat trick to win game six. And with chants of “We want the Cup!” drowning out the Garden, the Rangers beat the Canucks for their fourth Stanley Cup.

The Islanders were just getting started, while the Rangers were one and done. If these two memorable teams faced each other in a seven-game series, who would win? Vote now.

So once again it’s time to make our New Year’s resolutions. With the new year comes a sense of hope and renewal, but it’s also a time for self reflection and self improvement. My resolution for 2009 is to eat more bacon, ham and sausage. I really dropped the ball on that last year and could have done better in that area. Last year’s resolution – to drink more beer – was a complete success. The prize for this week’s Hot Stove Player of the Week is a package of Jimmy Dean sausage, so he can join me in my quest to better myself.

Winner

Mike Comrie: Out of all the New York-area teams, the Islanders had the best week. The Giants and Jets both lost, the Knicks and Nets went a combined 2-5 since Friday, and the Rangers (1-1) and Devils (2-2) both went .500. The Isles were 2-1-1, and Comrie scored four of the six goals he’s scored all season in their last three games. In the win on Friday against Toronto he was +2; in Saturday’s overtime loss to Buffalo, he notched a goal late in the game to help send it to OT; he recorded a goal and an assist in Monday’s loss to the Rangers; and on Wednesday, he sparked the Islanders to victory over Florida by putting the puck in the net twice.

Runners Up

Zach Parise: The Devils’ left wing is arguably the best hockey player in the area, and in New Jersey’s four games this week, he scored three goals and added an assist.

Nigel Dawes: The little left winger scored a goal in each of the Rangers’ games, and is playing his best hockey of the season.

NHL Winter Classic: The game wasn’t in New York nor did it have anything to do with New York, but it was cool enough to mention here. How about new Yankee Stadium next year? Rangers vs. Bruins. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Tom Coughlin: It’s easy to forget most preseason prognostications had Dallas running away with the division and the Giants not even making the playoffs. Let’s give credit to Coughlin for handling the team perfectly. The Giants didn’t come into the season fat and full of themselves. Coughlin had them ready for every challenge and distraction. And even had them playing hard in the last meaningless game in Minnesota. With plenty of formidable teams standing in the Giants’ way (Carolina, Philadelphia, Tennessee, Pittsburgh), a Super Bowl victory will be hard to come by, but earning the #1 seed in the NFC is an accomplishment most would have been surprised by back in August.

Anti-Player of the Week

Brett Favre: Brett Favre mania swept New York in August but landed with a thud in December. He had a lot of help in the Jets’ collapse (hello coaches, defense, receivers), but in his last five games (four losses) he threw two touchdown passes and nine interceptions. His coach was given the axe, and teammates are throwing him under the bus. Time to retire – for good this time.

Here are the answers to yesterday’s quiz.

1. The Rangers debut season was 1926-27.

2. The Devils franchise began as the Kansas City Scouts in 1974, and after two seasons moved to Colorado, where they played as the Rockies from 1976-82.

3. The one other NHL team to play in New York was the New York/Brooklyn Americans. They played in the league from 1925 to 1942.

4. The New York Raiders/Golden Blades/New Jersey Knights (one team, many names) played two seasons in the WHA before becoming the San Diego Mariners.

5. The Rangers acquired their name when newspaper writers started calling the team Tex’s Rangers, after original owner Tex Rickard.

6. New York/New Jersey teams have won 11 Stanley Cups – the Rangers won in 1928, 1933, 1940 and 1994; the Islanders in 1980, 1981, 1982 and 1983; and the Devils in 1995, 2000 and 2003.

7. Andy Bathgate (1959), Bryan Trottier (1979) and Mark Messier (1992) all won the Hart Trophy.

8. Bryan Trottier is the only New York-area player to win the Art Ross Trophy, when he led the NHL in scoring in 1978-79, with 134 points.

9. Five New York-area players have won the Norris Trophy – Doug Harvey (1961), Harry Howell (1967) and Brian Leetch (1992, 1997) of the Rangers; Denis Potvin (1976, 1978, 1979) of the Islanders; and Scott Niedermayer (2004) of the Devils.

10. Andre Lacroix of the New York Golden Blades/New Jersey Knights was the first team center on the WHA All-Star team. He led the league with 80 assists. Anybody who got this answer correct is a hockey trivia genius.

See how much you know about the history of the local hockey franchises. The answers will be posted tomorrow.

1. What year did the Rangers debut?

2. Before the Devils moved to New Jersey, they played in two other locations. Name them.

3. Besides the Rangers, Islanders and Devils, what other NHL franchises have played in the New York area?

4. What WHA franchise played in the New York area?

5. How did the Rangers get their name?

6. How many Stanley Cups have New York/New Jersey teams won?

7. In the past 50 years, only three New York-area players have won the Hart Trophy as the league’s MVP. Name them.

8. How many New York-area players have won the Art Ross Trophy (leading scorer; first handed out for the 1947-48 season)?

9. How many New York-area players have won the James Norris Trophy (top defenseman; first handed out for the 1953-54 season)?

10. Which center of the New York-area’s WHA franchise was named a first team All-Star for the 1973-74 season?