So it’s Wednesday morning and it’s just another routine day – I’m tooling around my house on my Hoveround like always, making myself one of those healthy breakfast shakes made of Lucky Charms, chocolate milk and a half dozen Yodels, when I suddenly realize it’s one of our great holidays – St. Patrick’s Day. With drinking, and uh, even more drinking, what’s not to like? Everybody grabs a pint of Guinness or a green beer, sings “Dirty Old Town,” wears their “Kiss me I’m Irish” shirt and at least pretends to be of Gaelic persuasion. I, on the other hand, am German, so I throw on my “Don’t kiss me I’m German – that would be inefficient, emotional and unsanitary” T-shirt, and head off to work. I’m not the only one around these parts who wears a variation on the “Kiss me I’m Irish” shirt, though; here are some like-themed T-shirts seen worn by local athletes past and present on St. Patty’s Day:

“Kiss me – I’m not Irish, but there’s a 98% chance you’ll end up pregnant” – Antonio Cromartie

“I’m Derek Jeter; you’ll kiss me when I tell you to kiss me” – Derek Jeter

“Kiss me, but you’ll have to wait until I’m finished making out with myself in the mirror” – Alex Rodriguez

“I’m Keith Hernandez; I won the 1979 MVP; I can kiss anybody I want” – Keith Hernandez

“Kiss me, I’m thin now and don’t have those old barbecue sauce stains on my face anymore” – Rex Ryan

“Kiss me and you’ll get the best fist pump of your life” – Joba Chamberlain

“Kiss me but don’t smudge my goggles” – Frankie Rodriguez

“Kiss me I’m Irish – really, I am, I’ll even introduce you to the Dropkick Murphys” – Daniel Murphy

“Um, yeah, ya know, ok, kiss me, know what I’m sayin’?” – Omar Minaya

“Holy Cow! She kissed me, White! Can you believe that?! I’m not even Irish, I’m Italian. Anybody who wants to kiss me must be a huckleberry! I hope Cora doesn’t find out about this. Unbelievable!” – Phil Rizzuto

“Kiss me – oh come on, I’m not that creepy, am I?” – John Sterling

“Kiss me, Roger Clemens, oh please God, let him kiss me” – Suzyn Waldman

“Kiss me . . . oh, my knee!” – Tracy McGrady

“Kiss me . . . oh my knee!” – Rick DiPietro

“Kiss me . . . oh my knee! – Carlos Beltran

“Kiss me – and then get in the truck” – Stephon Marbury

“Kiss me, no really, I’ll kiss anybody, come on, I mean it” – Steve Phillips

“I already kissed her” – Sean Avery

“Don’t even think about it” – John Tortorella

Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this past week:

There’s Only One LT: The Jets signed LaDainian Tomlinson to a two-year contract to replace Thomas Jones. Shouldn’t they have just re-signed Jones? He’s actually more durable and more productive than the former Charger these days. But maybe Tomlinson will work out better as a backup and third-down option. The real controversy, though, involves his stolen nickname. There’s only one LT around here, and we all know that’s Lawrence Taylor. So Tomlinson better start coming up with ideas for a new nickname, because the real LT can eat shrimps like him for breakfast.

Port St. Lucie Roundup: What do you know − Oliver Perez pitched eight innings this week and only gave up two runs. Does that mean there’s a glimmer of hope for him yet? Johan Santana bounced back in his second outing of the spring, to throw four shutout innings. Mike Pelfrey also pitched four quality innings, while mainly using his secondary pitches. John Maine, though, showed his Kevin McReynolds−like passion by admitting he “wasn’t into it” when he came into a game in relief and got lit up. Jon Niese and Fernando Nieve haven’t really impressed anybody so far in the battle for the fifth spot, but Rod Barajas would disagree with that assessment, as he compared Niese to Cliff Lee and Jon Lester. We’ll settle for an Al Jackson comparison and a healthy season. But is Hisanori Takahashi squeezing his way into the fifth-starter conversation? Frankie Rodriguez made his spring debut on Monday and blew the Cardinals hitters away on seven pitches. The Jenrry Mejia debate is heating up as he continues to shine. And Angel Pagan got us all excited for the season when he provided some fireworks with a walk-off two-run homer on Monday.

Tampa Roundup: CC Sabathia performed better than his previous two outings (4.1 IP, three runs, three hits), as his mechanics are starting to fall into place. Andy Pettitte and Chan Ho Park made their first appearances of the spring this week. As for the battle for the fifth spot in the rotation, is dark-horse Alfredo Aceves taking the lead? Joba Chamberlain has pretty much stunk but pitched better on Wednesday, while Phil Hughes has been excellent but not as good as Aceves, who has 0.90 ERA this spring (though it’s only spring training of course, so take all the stats with a grain of salt). A bullpen of Mariano Rivera (who made his spring debut on Tuesday), Chamberlain and Hughes doesn’t look too bad, though.

Now They Start Winning: The Islanders upset the Devils, 4-2, on Saturday, defeated the Maple Leafs, 4-1, on Sunday and kicked Vancouver’s butts, 5-2, on Tuesday for their first winning streak in two months. John Tavares broke out of a slump in a big way, with two goals and three assists vs. the Canucks. They’re out of the playoff picture so it’s all about the kids now for the Isles. But shouldn’t it always be about the kids? For I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way, show them all the beauty they possess inside, give them a sense of pride, to make it easier, let the children’s laughter remind us how it used to be . . . because the greatest gift of all is happening to me (well, it’s happening to Scott Gordon).

Now They Start Winning (Sort of): The Knicks went 2-1 this week. They killed Dallas, 128-94, on Saturday night ending the Mavs’ 13-game winning streak and getting revenge in the process for the 50-point beat down that occurred the last time these two teams met. As the saying goes, revenge is a dish best served in Texas with a biscuit and a side of mac ’n’ cheese. This week’s point guard (and maybe for longer – “This time, we mean it”) Toney Douglas was the star, with 21 points, eight assists and no turnovers. He did it again on Monday, leading the Knicks to a win over Philly, with 20 points and seven assists. And just as importantly as his offensive contributions, he plays defense. But St. Patrick’s Day was a Boston massacre for the Knicks, as the Celtics stomped them, and then the ghost of Red Auerbach blew cigar smoke in their faces for good measure.

Now They Start Winning (and Then They Start Losing): The Rangers won their first two games of the week, and then lost their last two. They beat Atlanta, 5-2, on Friday with help from their usually non-productive power play. They whipped Philly, 3-1, with Sean Avery leading the way by being Sean Avery. Poor Daniel Carcillo was pretty much ignored all night, but the not-so-great-fighter Brandon Dubinsky gave Mike Richards a beating. That’s something you don’t see every day – the Rangers acting tougher than the Flyers. Of course, the Rangers couldn’t find any consistency and were beaten in every aspect of the game by Montreal, and Henrik Lundqvist had a rare bad outing against St. Louis, which means only one thing for this team − a loss.

They Never Stopped Wining: After losing to the Islanders earlier in the week, the Devils beat Boston, 3-2, on Monday to clinch their 18^th straight winning season (they also defeated Pittsburgh for a season sweep of their division rivals and lost in a shootout to Toronto). It’s the longest active streak in sports (unless you count the Mean Machine in The Longest Yard, because every time that movie’s on, they always seem to beat the prison guards, year after year after year). The all-time record is held by the Montreal Canadiens, who had 32 consecutive winning seasons, from 1951-’52 to ’82-’83. As soon as the season ended, the ’83-’84 team, which went 35-40-5, were all lined up on the ice in the old Montreal Forum, blindfolded,  then shot and killed. They take their hockey seriously up there in Canada.

They Can’t Stop Losing: The Nets went 0-4 this week. No need for details.

R.I.P. Peter Graves: This week’s post is dedicated to actor Peter Graves, who passed away a few days ago at the age of 83. Sure, he had a long and illustrious career, but he’ll forever be remembered for one line: “You ever seen a grown man naked?”

We all know about the great athletes in New York sports history – Babe Ruth, Tom Seaver, Lawrence Taylor, Joe Namath, Mark Messier, Walt Frazier – and even the busts – Ed Whitson, Mo Vaughn, Roberto Alomar, Stephon Marbury, Scott Gomez. But what about the slightly-to-highly-above-average athlete? The kind-of-great but not all-timer? They may not have been Hall-of-Famers, but they were All-Stars, fan favorites, cogs on a championship team or maybe even just pretty darn good. They’re the little brother that didn’t hog all the attention. But they’re certainly worth talking about and remembering. So when do they get their due? Well, now they will. Here is a series of the not-quite-legendary in New York sports history.

Buck Williams was Mr. Net, Mr. Rebound and Mr. Class. Julius Erving may have been the most talented player the Nets have ever had, but Williams was the best NBA player the franchise has known. In order to afford the fee to enter the NBA, the Nets had to sell Dr. J to Philadelphia. It was a classic Catch-22 situation. And the team suffered for it. They had five straight losing seasons in their first five years in the league (though they did squeak into the playoffs one year), but that finally changed when Williams arrived in New Jersey. Known for his relentless rebounding, he was also a proficient and accurate scorer. Williams was an all-around great player, who was the leader of the Nets in one of their few successful eras, in the first half of the 1980s. After three years at the University of Maryland (and a berth on the 1980 Olympic squad – but because of the boycott, the team didn’t get a chance to play), the Nets nabbed him with the third overall pick in the 1981 draft.

The North Carolina native was a success right out of the gate. With Williams on the team, the Nets won 20 more games than the previous season and he led them to their second-ever NBA playoff appearance. He won the Rookie of the Year award, and was the first player to represent the Nets in the NBA All-Star game. The next season, he made the All-Star team again, the Nets made the playoffs again (they would make the postseason in Williams’ first five seasons) and Buck was named to the All-NBA second team. The highlight of the 1983-’84 campaign came in the first round of the playoffs, when the Nets upset the defending champion 76ers, three games to two. It was the only time the Nets would get past the initial round until the Jason Kidd years.

Williams played a total of eight seasons with the Nets. He was in the top three in league rebounding for six of those years. He made three All-Star teams. He led the league in offensive rebounding in 1983-’84. He made the All-Defense second team in 1988. In his first six years with the team, he only missed one game (due to a suspension), never averaged less than 12 rebounds and usually averaged between 15 to 18 points per game. His Net career ended when he was traded to Portland after the 1989 season for Sam Bowie and a draft pick (which turned into Mookie Blaylock). He went to two NBA Finals with the Trailblazers, twice led the league in field-goal percentage, made the NBA’s All-Defense team twice and the All-Defense second team once while in Portland. He finished his career as a solid backup for a season and a half with the Knicks, retiring in January of 1999.

Williams played 17 seasons in the NBA. He’s only one of seven players in NBA history to score more than 16,000 points while grabbing over 13,000 rebounds. He’s 10^th on the league’s all-time rebounding list. He served as the president of the NBA Players Association from 1994 to ’97. And he had his #52 retired by the Nets. Williams was a rebounding machine, and was one of the best power forwards of his era. He was popular. He was likable. He was dignified. He was an outstanding basketball player. And it’s impossible to say a bad word about Buck Williams.

(Click on the names to read the other bios in the series: Steve Vickers, John Olerud, Al Toon, Brad Van Pelt, Dick Barnett, Mickey Rivers, Butch Goring/Ron Duguay/Ken Daneyko and Rusty Staub.)

Baseball season is right around the corner (hey, three weeks is like four days when you’re my age, so twentysomething days is “right around the corner” to me), and after all the snow this winter, I’m ready. But here comes one of those “the old days were better” ramblings – they don’t call me Old Man Freier in my neighborhood for nothing (actually they pretty much just ignore me because I start every sentence with “Back in my day”). I was recently watching part of game five of the 1976 Yankees-Royals LCS that YES always seems to show and an episode of The Bronx Is Burning on MSG (the one about the 1977 LCS, which intersperses real highlights from the series), and it’s safe to say that baseball has changed since then. It may not have been better, but it was different. It’s lost a lot of its toughness and boys-will-be-boys attitude. In the 1976 game, the first pitch thrown by Grant Jackson right after George Brett hits his game-tying three-run homer in the top of the eighth is aimed right for John Mayberry’s head. It was clearly 100% intentional, but nobody batted an eye. Mayberry ducked out the way, but didn’t even look at Jackson, let alone stand and glare at him or shout at him. The announcers barely mentioned it – just that it was ball one. And there were no stupid umpire warnings, thank god. If that happened today, alarms would go off and the batter would run and hide until it was safe to come back on the field.

In the 1977 LCS, Graig Nettles broke up a double play by putting his shoulder down and running over Frank White, sending him to into oblivion. He made no effort to slide. Of course, the rules have changed since then, and players now have to at least pretend to slide. The rulebook was mainly rewritten because of what Royal Hal McRae did to Willie Randolph, when he body blocked him into left field. Second basemen were just waiting to get killed back then. Again, maybe that’s not better, but different. And then there was the famous fight between Nettles and Brett. Punches were thrown, bodies were slammed, Nettles even kicked Brett – but no one was thrown out of the game. Boys will be boys. There’s even a scene in the miniseries where Billy Martin/John Turturro stands on the top step of the dugout yelling expletives at Royals pitcher Larry Gura (I’m assuming that it’s based on a true incident). Can you imagine Joe Girardi cursing at John Lackey? Today’s players are so much more sensitive and fragile than the old-timers, with their taking offense to any pitch that comes near them, their body armor, pitch counts, delicately sliding around catchers, manicured hair, dancing and handshakes, the disappearance of bench jockeying, coddling by the union and owners, wearing batting helmets while running the bases – you get the picture. And they’re so much nicer to their enemies, with all the fraternizing that goes on. Sure, today’s spoiled players are more athletic, faster, bigger and stronger (wink, wink), but little by little, the game is turning into softball, with no contact, and god help you if you hurt anyone’s feelings. As the Hanson Brothers might have said: “Old-time baseball! Thurman Munson! Cookie Rojas! Lou Piniella!”

Ok, the boring sermon is over, and now back to 2010. Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this past week:

Comings and Goings: The NFL free-agent frenzy has begun. Say good-bye to Thomas Jones (Chiefs), Kerry Rhodes (Cardinals), David Carr (49ers) and Fred Robbins (Rams), and say hello to Antrel Rolle, Jim Sorgi, Brodney Pool and Antonio Cromartie. The Jets kindly gave $500,000 up front to their new cornerback so he can clear up the many, many, many (many) paternity issues he has going. He’s the Brady Bunch, Eight Is Enough, With Six You Get Eggroll, Yours, Mine and Ours and My Three Sons all rolled into one.

The Week in Port St. Lucie: Thyroids, pink eye, sore shoulders, pitchers getting hit in the knee with line drives, Oliver Perez getting hammered, front office miscommunications and buffoonery – it’s just another routine week for the Mets. John Maine had a promising outing, though when healthy, he’s usually good, while Perez and Mike Pelfrey were lit up. Any bad performance by one of those guys and we’re in “the sky is falling” territory, but with Johan Santana it’s all about how he feels. Statistically, his first start didn’t go so well (1.2 innings pitched, four runs, six hits, one K, one BB), but as long as he’s healthy, who cares? Frankie Rodriguez is back in camp after suffering from pink eye and the slings and arrows of Goose Gossage calling him a clown (I’m not sure which is worse). Clowns everywhere will come out of the woodwork to criticize Gossage because the Hall-of-Fame reliever used the word “clown” in a derogatory manner. We’re only days away from a press conference/formal apology from the former Yankee great: “I apologize to any clowns I may have offended. I regret my choice of words. I should said ‘bonehead’ instead.” And because the Mets can’t seem to pull off the simplest of tasks, for a few days we had Thyroid-Gate, starring Jose Reyes’ overactive thyroid (“It’s not overactive!” “Yes it is!”). Of course, now he’ll be out for weeks or even months before he can resume any kind of baseball activity. But kids Jenrry Meija and Ike Davis along with not-so-young Chris Carter keep on impressing everybody – so they have that going for them.

The Week in Tampa: The Phil Hughes/Joba Chamberlain duel began this past week, and the verdict so far: Hughes pretty good, Joba very bad (27.05 ERA). Francisco Cervelli was drilled in the melon and got a concussion on Saturday. Thankfully, he seems to be doing fine now. And speaking of doing fine, Nick Johnson’s back on the field and homered twice on Tuesday. CC Sabathia looked a lot like Santana on Tuesday, when he went 2.2 innings and let in five runs on seven hits. Meanwhile, the Alex Rodriguez/Dr. Tony Galea controversy continues. The shady doctor treated A-Rod without permission from the Yankees, and now, unlike Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran, he’s refusing to come clean on what went on. The feds may be twisting his arm, but if he’s not guilty of anything then just say so. Of course, A-Rod can’t trust himself to not stick his own foot in his mouth. He’s walking around camp muttering advice to himself, “Don’t say anything stupid. Just pretend you’re somebody else.”

The Race for the Worst: The Nets beat the Knicks this week but they’re still in a race against time for the worst record ever. If they win three more games, will the 1972-’73 Philadelphia 76ers pop the champagne and celebrate like the ’72 Miami Dolphins? The worst record in Nets franchise history is 17-65, by the way. The 1989-’90 team, coached by Bill Fitch, set that mark. Dennis Hopson was their leading scorer (15.8), while Sam Bowie was their top rebounder (10.1 per game). That pretty much says it all. Other players on that team: Chris Morris, Mookie Blaylock, Roy Hinson, Purvis Short, Lester Conner, Charles Shackleford, Chris Dudley, Derrick Gervin, and even Anthony Mason and Rick Carlisle. Looking to the future, though, there was a groundbreaking ceremony yesterday in Brooklyn for the team’s new arena, with Jay-Z and other luminaries grabbing a shovel. But there was no sign of Joe Barry Carroll.

Not Much Better: The woeful Knicks lost to the Nets, and missed all of their three pointers along the way. They did beat Atlanta by one point, though, to try and regain some dignity. But their loss on Wednesday to San Antonio clinched their ninth straight losing season, setting a franchise record (they had eight consecutive losing seasons from 1959-’60 to ’66-’67). Thanks James Dolan. Now please just go away.

Momentum Changer: So, an aging, balding drunk who’s kind of a jerk walks into a bar (this sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn’t it? But it’s just what I did on Sunday night), and at that same moment Brandon Dubinsky scores the tying goal against Buffalo. But before I even had a bottle of beer in my hand, the Sabres scored in overtime to beat the Rangers. And just like that, another point gets away from them. Even the usually reliable Henrik Lundqvist/Martin Brodeur matchup let them down, when the Devils crushed the Blueshirts in a sloppily played game by both teams. Points are quickly slipping away. Is this the beginning of the end for the Rangers (or did that happen on opening day?) and the beginning of a turnaround for New Jersey, who hadn’t been winning consistently in a few months? It’s getting late fast for the Rangers. And it’s all over for the Islanders, as they lost all three of their games this week.

The Knicks recently celebrated the 40^th anniversary of their first championship, which got me to thinking – and yes, this is what I think about while cracking open my ninth beer of the night: New York-area teams have a seven-decade championship streak on the line this year. For the last seven decades (and eight out of nine) a New York team has played in a championship game when the year ends in a zero. Sometimes they lost, sometimes they won, but they reached the final game or series. Coincidence? Yeah, but so what? Let’s look back anyway.

The year 2000 was a bonanza. The Yankees and Mets squared off in the World Series, the Devils won the Stanley Cup and the Giants made it to the Super Bowl but lost to Baltimore (the game was played in 2001 but it was the 2000 season). In 1990, the Giants beat Buffalo in the Super Bowl (wide right!). The Islanders won the first of four consecutive Stanley Cups in 1980. The Knicks, of course, won their first championship in 1970. The Yankees lost a heartbreaker to Bill Mazeroski and the Pirates in 1960. 1950 saw the Yanks defeat the Whiz Kid Phillies for their second of five Series wins in a row, and the Rangers were defeated by Detroit in the Stanley Cup. 1940? The Rangers won, of course, beating Toronto for their third Stanley Cup victory. The streak’s broken link is 1930. Native New Yorkers the Marx Brothers released Animal Crackers that year – does that count? The Brooklyn Dodgers (or Robins, as they were sometimes known as back then, when they temporarily changed their name in honor of their manager, Wilbert Robinson) lost to Cleveland in 1920. I don’t know what happened in 1910. None of the three local baseball teams reached the World Series, and the football, basketball and hockey teams didn’t exist yet. Maybe Theodore Roosevelt won a bear wrestling championship or Christy Mathewson was victorious in a design-the-most-creative-straw-hat-and-win-a-Victrola contest.

So who will keep the streak alive this year? I think we can count out the Nets, Knicks and Islanders, and the Rangers would be a real, real long shot (ok, a real, real, real long shot). The Yankees, of course, have to be the favorite. David Wright thinks the Mets can make it to the World Series. The Devils always have a shot (but maybe Martin Brodeur is too depressed after being benched in the Olympics). And the Jets and Giants may get there if things break right for them. But it’s almost a guarantee that one of our teams will make it, right? Well, after you drink nine beers, it will seem like a lock.

Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this past week:

Close But No Cigar: The Friday snow storm and shovel-fest worked out so I could watch the U.S.-Finland game instead of going to work (after getting a foot and a half of snow, it was sunny out at my house on Friday afternoon – go figure), and the US of A gave those Finnish bastards a 6-1 stomping (they’re not really bastards but I don’t know enough about Finland to come up with a more fitting derogatory term). Canada won a thriller against Slovakia, setting up the gold medal game. I never thought I would root for Zach Parise, but when he scored that goal with 24 seconds left, there I was rooting for a Devil. It was shades of his father, Islander J.P. Parise, scoring the overtime goal that beat the Rangers in the first round of the 1975 playoffs. Why did Sidney Crosby of all people have to be the one to score the winning goal? Right after he put the puck in the net, he took a dive for old time’s sake and complained to the ref before celebrating with his teammates. It was fun while it lasted. And I guess it was all worth it just to listen to the sagacious ramblings of the always-insane William Shatner later that night. But why couldn’t he have sung “Rocket Man”? Now that would have been the perfect ending to the Winter Olympics.

Good News/Bad News: The good news: The Knicks destroyed Detroit on Wednesday, with four players scoring over 20 points (that hasn’t happened since the 1971 Baltimore Orioles – no wait, that was four 20-game winners on the same team; four 20-point scorers on the same team probably happened last week some time); the bad news: They were humiliated and embarrassed by Cleveland in the previous game. The good news: The Knicks beat Washington in overtime on Friday; the bad news: They followed that up with a loss to Memphis. The bad news: Tracy McGrady’s knees have been bothering him all week; the good news: The Knicks traded for his expiring contract, not his knees (and now he’s the point guard du jour). The good news: The Knicks won two out of four games this week; the bad news: Those are the only two games they’ve won in their last 12. The bad news: Eddy Curry is coming back; the good news: He can stand in the lane and distract the other team by having them stop and say, “Hey, I though you retired about 15 years ago.” The good news: Both Mike D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh manned up and took the blame for the Knicks defenseless, pathetic play of late; the bad news: The Knicks stink.

Do You Believe in Miracles?! No, I’m not talking about Olympic hockey, but the Nets beating the Celtics in Boston on Saturday. That’s pretty much as miraculous as it gets. Kevin Garnett wasn’t feeling so good about the loss: “I got nothing to say. I feel disgusted.” But the Nets still couldn’t manage to come up with their first winning streak of the year, when they blew a lead to Washington on Sunday. But they’ve won games two weeks in a row, now. That’s a miracle for them. In their last game of the week, they were blown out by Cleveland. So the Cavs beat the two local teams by a combined 50 points.

Dr. HGH: It’s probably much ado about nothing (though we shouldn’t believe anything players say these days, should we?), but the FBI recently questioned Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran and want to speak to Alex Rodriguez. They all have tenuous ties to Dr. Tony Galea, who is under investigation for conspiring to smuggle HGH into the U.S. from Canada. Reyes used the doctor’s shaken-not-stirred blood-spinning procedure last year, when he was trying to put his hamstring back together. At least Beltran answered all their questions without pulling a Sammy Sosa – “No inglés, señor.” No word on A-Rod’s link to the good doctor, but he’s already a steroid cheat as it is, so the damage is already done for him. Every day a new name comes out. Who’s next? Horace Clarke? Bill Sudakis? On the field, Reyes took the first pitch he saw this spring in game action and hammered it down the line for a two-run triple. And Jon Niese threw two innings without falling down while writhing in pain, so that’s some good news for the Mets so far this spring. Of course, the Mets were just playing against themselves. But the next day, they beat a real live actual team (the Braves), for their first win of the grapefruit league season, with talk-of-the-camp Ike Davis belting two doubles. Yesterday he smashed a grand slam in the Mets’ win over the Cards, and the team picked up reliever Kiki Calero to help with the bullpen depth. As for the Yankees, Joe Girardi took his players on an arcade outing to do some team bonding, loosen the guys up and take a break from those grueling three-hour days spent lounging around in perfectly ideal sunny weather. Two months of negotiations preceded the trip, as the Players’ Union haggled with the Yankees over who would supply the quarters. A.J. Burnett won the Indy Car racing competition, Andrew Brackman was the Skee-Ball champion and Royce Ring won the Pop-A-Shot event. Andy Pettitte and A-Rod were barred from taking part in the games because they failed a drug test. The Yankees won their first spring training game, too, but they win every game, don’t they? And oh yeah, Nick Johnson’s already injured.

They’re Back: Well, most of the Rangers are. Marian Gaborik came down with a lower body injury that somehow involved back bacon in Vancouver and is out indefinitely. I kind of enjoyed the break. How many times can you write that the Rangers don’t have a lot of talent, can’t score, don’t consistently play hard and their GM stinks? But they did come storming out of the gate with a 4-1 win over Ottawa, which was their third victory in a row. But on Friday, they lost to Pittsburgh in overtime despite Henrik Lundqvist’s heroic performance. Though he let in five goals, he made 50 saves (50!) and was the best player on the ice. The Islanders put poor Rick DiPietro back on the all-too-familiar injured reserve list, soundly beat Chicago, 5-3, and then got hammered last night by Atlanta, 6-3. And the Devils also won their first game back, beating San Jose, 4-3, but Brodeur let in three quick goals as fast as you can say the words “Roberto Luongo.”

Trade Deadline: The Rangers picked up peripatetic backup goalie Alex Auld off waivers last week, and the local teams only made minor trades leading up to the deadline: The Islanders sent Greg Moore to Columbus for Dylan Reese, and Andy Sutton was shipped off to Ottawa for a second-round draft pick; the Devils picked up Martin Skoula from Toronto for a fifth-round pick; and the Rangers traded minor leaguer Jordan Owens to Detroit for Kris Newbury and sent Miika Wiikman (and a 2011 seventh-round pick) to Phoenix for Anders Eriksson. The big deals were made a few weeks ago – for Ilya Kovalchuk and Olli Jokinen. The Blueshirts probably should have been sellers, but at least they didn’t do anything stupid.

What Have You Done For Us Lately (A Lot, Actually): The Jets are all set to release Thomas Jones today. He rushed for a career-high 1,402 yards and scored a personal best 14 touchdowns last season. The team is taking a gamble by dispatching the veteran leader. He may have been injured at the end of the season, but so were Shonn Greene and Leon Washington (his future is up in the air, too). “It’s not you, it’s us,” stated the Jets to Jones. But now they may be having second thoughts, as they’re contemplating releasing and then re-signing the popular running back. Lito Sheppard is gone, though. “It’s you, not us,” they told him. And in late-breaking news, the Jets traded a 2011 draft pick for Antonio Cromartie.

The first-ever slam dunk competition was held this week during halftime of the ABA All-Star game at McNichols Arena in Denver. Julius Erving of the New York Nets wowed everybody with his running dunk from the foul line. Dr. J bested Denver’s David Thompson, Artis Gilmore of the Kentucky Colonels, and San Antonio’s George Gervin and Larry Kenon. As for the game itself (after some pregame entertainment by top-of-the-chart recording artists Glen Campbell and Charlie Rich), the league eschewed its former format of East vs. West, instead having the first place team at the break taking on a group of ABA All-Stars. The Denver Nuggets, coached by Larry Brown, scored 52 points in the fourth quarter to overtake the All-Star squad by a final score of 144-138. Thompson was named the game’s MVP, scoring 29 points, and Dr. J led the All-Stars with 23 points. In the NBA All-Star game, Dave Bing was named MVP (16 points, four assists) after leading the East to a 123-109 victory at the Spectrum in Philadelphia. Bob McAdoo and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar led all scorers with 22 points apiece.

Meanwhile, at the winter Olympics at Innsbruck, Austria, Austria’s own Franz Klammer won the downhill skiing gold medal. Dorothy Hamill took the gold in figure skating, and instantly replaced Schneider from One Day at a Time as America’s sweetheart and ushered in a new era in bad women’s haircuts along the way. And the mighty robotic machine of the U.S.S.R. won the gold medal in hockey. The highlight of the opening ceremonies was the Olympic torch being lit by Henry Winkler. He didn’t need a flame to light it, though – he just banged it with his elbow, gave a thumbs-up, said “aaayyyy,” and the torch was aflame.

Of course, that all happened in the winter of 1976. I didn’t really watch much of the Olympics or the NBA’s All-Star weekend this week so I randomly went with highlights of the first year I could think of instead. Here are the biggest stories in the world of New York sports this week (yes, 2010):

Blockbuster: The Knicks began their post-break slide to oblivion (or the summer of 2010, whichever way you look at it) with back-to-back losses to Chicago. Nate Robinson didn’t play either game because they didn’t want him to infect the team – it was unclear if it was his “flu-like symptoms” or “erratic, turnover-prone-like symptoms” they didn’t want the team infected with. But at any rate, his Knick career is over, as he was shipped off to Boston. The team also unloaded Darko Milicic (was he even on the Knicks?) to Minnesota (not the Timberwolves, though, just the state of Minnesota). But the big blockbuster was the three-team trade with Houston and Sacramento. The Knicks get the expiring contract of Tracy McGrady and Sergio Rodriguez, while shedding themselves of Jared Jeffries, Larry Hughes and Jordan Hill (some draft picks were mixed in there as well), which frees up mucho cap space for this summer’s free-agent bounty. For his next trick, Donnie Walsh will make Wade Redden, Michal Rozsival and Chris Drury disappear.

The Eyes of Texas: David Lee made his All-Star game debut on Sunday night, playing 12 minutes, scoring four points and grabbing two rebounds. A record 108,000 people crowded into the Cowboys’ stadium to watch the East beat the West, 141-139, on a giant TV. Does that mean the old Dallas Chaparrals (speaking of the ABA) never drew that much at Moody Coliseum? They probably never drew that much total in their whole existence. Nate Robinson won his third consecutive and last Slam Dunk contest – he’s going out on top, claiming he’s retiring from the dunk-fest. He’s not sure what his next move will be to replace participating in that exhibition; he’s narrowed it down to entering baseball’s Home Run Derby, being a contestant on Project Runway or getting his own reality show up and running, Big Dunks, Little People. And Danilo Gallinari tied for last in the three-point shooting contest.

The Magic Number: Five more wins to go for the Nets, and they can breathe a little easier. That would give them 10 for the year, which would best the all-time worst record, held by the 1972-’73 76ers. The Nets won again this week, which is always big news in itself, beating the Bobcats, 103-94, and they came thisclose to winning on Wednesday against the Heat. The last time the Nets won back-to-back games came in 1972 against the Dallas Chaparrals (let’s keep up the ABA theme, even if I’m just making stuff up now).

Pitchers and Catchers: Sunshine, the smell of freshly cut grass, Oliver Perez not having any idea where his next pitch will end up – it must be time for spring training. Pitchers and catchers reported to Florida this week. For the Mets, their staff is filled with pitchers coming off injuries – Perez, Johan Santana, John Maine, Jon Niese, Fernando Nieve – and a batch of new faces – Ryota Igarashi, Hisanori Takahashi, Jay Marshall, Clint Everts and Kelvim Escobar, who’s already feeling discomfort in his shoulder (come to think of it, I’m already feeling discomfort thinking about the Mets season). As for the Yankees, they’re bringing back most of the same cast of characters as last season’s staff, with Javier Vazquez being the one big addition. The battle for the number-five slot in the rotation between Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain is the one thing to watch for in Yankee camp. The big loss for the Bombers this spring, though, is Yankee trainer Gene Monahan. He’s taking a leave of absence for medical reasons, due to an undisclosed illness. The legend has been with the Yankees for almost 50 years. Get well soon, Gene.

Don’t Stop Now: The Rangers earned a hard-fought win over Pittsburgh last Friday night. Unfortunately, Michael Del Zotto’s leg was carved up like a pound of ham being sliced at a deli in a freak incident. Fifty stitches were needed to patch him back up. The team picked up another brawler in Jody Shelley to replace the failed Donald Brashear experiment. And on Valentine’s Day, they whipped Tampa Bay, 5-2, with Henrik Lundqvist leading the way and Erik Christensen chipping in two goals – he must have been trying to impress some girl out there. Of course, the Rangers finally play two excellent games in a row (well, minus a period here or there) and then had to stop for the Olympics. Ok, let’s Dwight Schrute this next part. Question: Should you ever propose to your girlfriend on a JumboTron at a sporting event? Answer: No – as we saw with some poor schmuck whose marriage proposal on the scoreboard was turned down between periods of the Rangers game on Valentine’s Day (though it may have just been a hoax). Having your girlfriend wrestle your cousin Mose to ensure she comes from hearty stock is ok, though. And proposing on a beet farm is also acceptable.

Nap Time: The Devils exploded for give goals against Nashville on Friday night, including Ilya Kovalchuk’s first with the team, but then they turned around and let in five themselves the next night, losing to Carolina. All that hard work and winning the first few months of the season has made them tired and sleepy. The break will do them good (well, the players who aren’t competing in the Olympics will get a rest). The Islanders won 5-4 on Saturday, and, like New Jersey, lost the next day to wrap up the pre-Olympic portion of their schedule. So all three offensively challenged local teams put up a five spot last weekend.

Super Bowl Sunday combines everything that’s great about our country: Drinking, eating 15 pounds of Buffalo wings, gambling and British classic rock. Why, oh why is this day not a national holiday? Here in New York, did we care who won? Well, if you had a wager on the game you did. Or did one of those squares things at work. So even if you don’t have a true rooting interest, it’s still hard to watch the game in a nice, relaxing manner when you’re yelling at the TV for the Colts to get a safety so they could end up with a score that ends in 5. The halftime show is always fun. The Who (or what’s left of them) rocked as only senior citizens can. Let’s give them credit, though, when I’m their age I’ll be lucky if can eat solid food and remember where I live. But the band is getting too rickety to smash their own equipment, so they have roadies do that for them now, as they exit the stage on their Rascal scooters. Next year, I believe Bill Haley and the Comets will be performing. And in the postgame festivities, former Chiefs quarterback Len Dawson carried out the Vince Lombardi Trophy with Saints players mobbing him, and it was only when he was back at his hotel did the Hall-of-Famer realize that his wallet was stolen.

As for the game, it wasn’t an all-time classic but will be remembered for the Saints finally winning, with the onside kick as the play that will forever be remembered. And the team and the city of New Orleans deserve it. Was there karma involved for the Colts in not going for the undefeated season? Whatever the case, the people from the resilient city in Louisiana will be celebrating for a long time. At least they can relax and sober up during the upcoming Mardi Gras festivities. And everybody in the world now knows all about Who Dat Nation. Is it time for us to come up with a New York equivalent? Here are some obvious names: Fuhgeddaboudit Nation and Are You Talkin’ To Me? Nation. But there are some others to choose from as well: If You Don’t Stop Looking at Me I’ll Stab You in the Neck Nation; Watch Out For That Creepy Guy on the Subway Nation; and Sure, We Have Body Parts Floating in the East River – You Got a Problem With That? Nation. When all was said and done, Drew Brees called going to New Orleans a calling from God. I feel the same way about my present situation – I have a dead-end job, I’m in debt, I can barely pay my bills and mortgage, I have a car that’s held together by duct tape and my family only gives me the time of day because I’m the one who takes out the garbage and shovels the snow. It’s a calling from God; apparently God just doesn’t really care for me.

Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this week:

What Might Have Been and What Might Not Ever Be: The only good news for the Knicks this week was David Lee finally making the All-Star team. They lost to Milwaukee on Friday, and all the talk was about point guard Brandon Jennings and what could have been. On Saturday, they lost to Cleveland and LeBron James (with a valiant, but failed comeback attempt) and the talk was about what could be – but King James coming to NYC is probably just wishful thinking. Nate Robinson was the starting point guard for those two games, but Mike D’Antoni quickly came to his senses and realized that Nate’s a chucker not a floor general, so Chris Duhon was back in the starting lineup for the overtime loss to Sacramento (despite Wilson Chandler’s heroics). The Kings franchise had one of the great point guards in NBA history, of course, in Nate “Tiny” Archibald, not to mention Oscar Robertson and very briefly Bob Cousy (he inserted himself into seven games when he coached the Cincinnati Royals in 1969-’70; it’s unclear whether he was wearing a suit when he was running up and down the court, though), and to haunt the Knicks even more about their point guard situation, Curly Neal was in the stands watching the Knicks-Kings game.

The Cold War: Sean Avery doesn’t even have to trash talk about Martin Brodeur to Brodeur himself and he gets under the skin of the Devils. He baited Ilya Kovalchuk into jumping him with a few pleasantries regarding Brodeur, and got the new Devil off the ice for the final minutes of the Rangers’ victory. Not that I’m in love with all of Avery’s antics and sideshow personality, but if the roles had been reversed and he had been the one who speared and then attacked Kovalchuk while only being verbally provoked, what are the odds he would have not only been kicked out of the game but suspended as well? The Rangers followed up their win vs. the Devils with a loss to Nashville, sans Marian Gaborik (and then put Donald Brashear on waivers – where he belongs). They . . . just . . . can’t . . . score. The Devils too are sinking like a stone. They fall apart at the end of games, and even when they do score, it comes with a price. Anssi Salmela was leveled by Flyer Jeff Carter right after he scored and was taken off the ice on a stretcher. If that wasn’t bad enough, New Jersey lost both their games to the Flyers. The problem lately? They . . . just . . . can’t . . . score.

Meanwhile, Out on Long Island: After doing nothing but losing, the Islanders got a big win on Tuesday, when Mark Streit scored the tying goal with 11 seconds left in the game (all three goals were by defensemen), and then the team went on to win in a shootout. And the second-to-last power play in the league caught fire in this game, too – well, going one for six is catching fire when you haven’t scored in so long. And then they lost a routine one to Pittsburgh on Wednesday. And like their local rivals, they . . . just . . . can’t . . . score.

The Plight of the Nets: They . . . just . . . can’t . . . win. But will Rick Pitino ride in to save the day?

Stuff About the Mets: The Mets are lowering the portion of Citi Field’s center-field wall in front of the apple by eight feet. That’s probably the least of the team’s problems, though. Mookie Wilson is back with the organization as a minor league outfield and base-running coordinator. Maybe he can be the automatic pinch-runner for the team as well, replacing everybody on the bases at all times. And Keith Hernandez is tutoring Daniel Murphy at first base. While Murphy made some aggressive mistakes and was out of position at times last season, I thought he showed a lot of promise at a position he had to learn at the major league level. At least he actually tried to field the ball at all times, unlike Carlos Delgado, who couldn’t be bothered to move half the time. And the Mets signed old friend Mike Jacobs this week.

The Sex Addict Speaks: In a recent interview, former blowhard announcer and failed Met GM Steve Phillips said: “I couldn’t stop myself from doing the things that I was doing, even knowing the consequences – marriage, great job, great career, and I risked all of that.” I could be wrong, but I think he was talking about trading for Mo Vaughn.

A Giant Good-bye: The Giants released middle-linebacker and captain of the defense Antonio Pierce yesterday. He made a Pro Bowl, won a Super Bowl and, oh yeah, he was involved in the Bonnie Situation - I mean the Plaxico Situation. It may have been time for him to go, but it’s a gamble for the Giants – who will replace him?

Gone But Not Forgotten: It was Dick McGuire last week, and now former Knick Carl Braun has passed away also. The New York native played 12 seasons with the Knicks, going all the way back to the Basketball Association of America (he finished his career with one year in Boston). He was on the Knicks when they reached the finals three consecutive years in the early ’50s. He also coached the team for two years in the early ’60s. He played in five NBA All-Star games, was voted to the All-BAA second team in 1948 and the All-NBA second team in 1954. He finished his career with a 13.5 points-per-game average, and was the Knicks’ all-time scoring leader when he retired (he’s now fifth on the list).

We sports fans are a dramatic bunch when it comes to our teams – everything is life and death – but in real life we shrug sadness and tragedy off like it’s nothing. “My Uncle Maury died? What are ya gonna do? He had a good run. Can you pass the ketchup?” But if the team we root for goes into a slump or, God forbid, gets knocked out of the playoffs, we’re screaming, tears are falling like Niagara Falls and we’re pulling what’s left of our hair out. Think back to the 1994 Stanley Cup and tears of joy start falling. Think of the Wilpons or James Dolan owning your team, and tears of sadness reign down. And if you’re like me and Rip Torn, you’ll get so drunk you’ll mistakenly take a local bank for your house, break in and pass out as I did when the 2007 baseball season ended and the Mets pulled off the collapse hear round the world. I was in such bad shape that I was nearly fired from my job, my wife almost left me and even my daughter put herself up for adoption. We’ll even cry at the end of sports movies. Sure, the waterworks will be unstoppable during Brian’s Song (how can anyone not cry during that tear-fest?), but Dennis Quaid throws an inning for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays with every member of his hometown surprising him after the game, and I’m a quivering mess.

The local teams have been filled with ups and downs this week, which means tears, anger, happiness and hope. We cried when the Knicks blew a lead to the Timberwolves and laughed a giddy guffaw when the Rangers beat Colorado. But we cried again when the Blueshirts fell to LA. But we laughed once more when we saw pictures of Stephon Marbury sitting on a bench in China. There were more downs than ups, though, this week, but whatever the case may be, our emotions were running high one way or the other. But when our sweet, loving grandmother tripped over our retro John Gianelli Knicks jersey that was left in a heap on the floor, broke her hip and cried out for help, we shushed her and said, “Not now, Grandma, the game’s about to start.”

Here are the top stories in the world of New York sports this past week:

The $50,000 Finger: Just like Evel Knievel and Elvis Presley were the only two men on the face of the earth who could get away with wearing a cape, Rex Ryan is the only local coach who can give the finger to a group of his team’s rival fans and walk away unscathed with a “That’s just Rex being Rex” excuse. Well, he did get fined $50,000. And come to think of it, maybe I can see John Tortorella doing that. And Mike D’Antoni is pretty emotional. So maybe all the local coaches can get away with that. And it turns out an unruly fan goaded him into it by possibly spitting on him. But has Ryan already entered flakey, Manny Being Manny territory? Is he out of control and on a rampage or is it all part of his master plan to have everybody hate the Jets? Crazy? Or crazy genius?

Hello Olli: The Rangers didn’t so much as trade for Olli Jokinen as get rid of Ales Kotalik’s contract. Is Glen Sather actually going to admit to all his mistakes and start working on rectifying the mess he created? Earlier in the week, and for the first time ever, Chris Drury showed actual signs of a personality and humor while being interviewed between periods of Sunday’s game. I almost fell out of my chair, but then I found out he was just plugging his Connecticut pizzeria that will be opening soon. It figures he had an ulterior motive. He certainly doesn’t get that frisky talking about the Rangers. On the ice, Sunday vs. Colorado, Chad Johnson earned his first NHL win, and just like old times, Marian Gaborik did most of the scoring for the team this week until last night’s crazy, undisciplined goal-fest.

Hello Ilya: The Devils have been scoring about as much as their ancestors, the Kansas City Scouts, lately, and they’re 3-6-1 in their last 10 games, but yesterday’s blockbuster trade should help them out. They acquired Ilya Kovalchuk and Anssi Samlema from Atlanta for Johnny Oduya, Niclas Berfors, prospect Patrice Cormier and a first-round draft pick.

Hello Nate, Good-bye Del: The Knicks salvaged the week with a win against Washington on Wednesday. The energetic defense that proved so successful had disappeared for the Knicks, and with it went the winning. They even lost to lowly Minnesota. But when Al Harrington’s scoring off the bench returned, and with Nate Robinson replacing Chris Duhon, they may get back to winning again. As for their counterpart across the river, the losing is so bad the coaches aren’t getting fired, they’re quitting. Del Harris has left the Nets, but can you really blame him? If Kike Vandeweghe disappears, the players may have to get in a van and drive down to Houston to see if Kelly Leak’s father will coach them. The Nets are so bad, we may hear their fans start chanting, “Don’t let them play!”

Growing Pains: No, we’re not talking about Alan Thicke (though he is Canadian and can play hockey with the best of them). We’re referring to the young Islanders. They’ve have lost six games in a row now. John Tavares and Matt Moulson (though he scored last night) are struggling, Josh Bailey’s injured and Rick DiPietro is still trying to shake the rust off. They’re young, so bumps in the road are to be expected. And the bumps have arrived.

Giant Demands: Osi Umenyiora recently went on the radio and demanded to start next year or else he’d quit. On the day he was hired, new defensive coordinator Perry Fewell said that Osi would be starting again. How easy was that? With his demands met before he even uttered them, Umenyiora has now also insisted that that he be paid money for his services and that the team provide him with a uniform. Former Giant Plaxico Burress has stated that he’ll resume his playing career when he’s released from the slammer – that is if he doesn’t accidentally shiv himself in the leg.

Gone But Not Forgotten, Part One: Former Shea Stadium organist Jane Jarvis died this past week. She was 94. She played the organ at Mets games from 1964 to 1979. Not only did she play standards such as “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” but she mixed in the jazzy classics of Charlie Parker as well. Before joining the Mets, she was the organist for the Milwaukee Braves for eight years and was an accomplished jazz musician and also wrote Muzak. She was as much a part of Mets tradition as Kiner’s Korner, Mr. Met and Banner Day. And listening to her soothing yet groovy sound was much more preferable than the ear-splitting, blaring musical assault that goes on today.

Gone But Not Forgotten, Part Two: Mr. Knick Dick McGuire died on Wednesday. He was a player, coach, assistant coach and scout for the Knicks, spending 53 years with the team. Tricky Dick led the Knickerbockers to three straight finals in the early ’50s, played in five All-Star games while with the team and was second team All-NBA in 1951. His #15 has been retired by the team, and he’s third on the Knicks’ career assists list, with 2,950. He was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1993. McGuire was unselfish on the court, and just as unselfish off it.

Gone But Not Forgotten, Part Three: Tom Brookshier died last week as well. He wasn’t really a New York guy (in fact, he played defensive back for the Eagles), but he was paired with Pat Summerall on many, many Giants games in the 1970s and early ’80s on CBS, making for one of the all-time great announcing duos (they also teamed up for many legendary drinking escapades in their time together with CBS). The two broadcast a handful of Super Bowls and hosted the classic highlight show This Week in Pro Football. Known for his wit and sense of humor, he was one of the best.

The dream is over. This year’s version of the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets certainly doesn’t look like “the same old Jets,” though. They’re more like the 1973 Ya Gotta Believe Mets, arriving out of nowhere to come oh-so-close to a championship. They’re a team we’ll look back on with positive feelings and one worth celebrating. They went further than anyone imagined, and have a future that certainly looks bright, with a successful coach and franchise quarterback in place (though Mark Sanchez now needs surgery on one knee and will be rehabbing the other – maybe he really is the reincarnation of Joe Namath). The whole weekend was pretty much a nightmare for New York sports, though: the Rangers were embarrassed by Montreal on Saturday night, 6-0, the Knicks were humiliated by Dallas, 128-78, the Nets lost to Utah, 116-83, the Islanders lost to New Jersey (ok, one local team won, but one of them had to) and, of course, the Jets were knocked out of playoffs.

Unfortunately, I can think of worse weekends that took place in my life: I once spent a rainy Saturday and Sunday trapped in my house when I was nine years old, while my father tried to sell me life insurance for 48 straight hours. There was the time when my wife went out of town, and I had to make my own dinner. Twice. Oh, the horror. And then there was the occasion when I drove down to spring break with John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. For a full weekend I was stuck in a Volkswagon Beetle with the duo as they gushed about Roger Clemens and the Giambino. So all of those hellish scenarios help to put this past weekend into perspective.

Here are the top stories this week in the world of New York sports:

Close But No Cigar: The AFC Championship game pitted the #1 D vs. the #1 QB, and the QB won. The day can be summed up easily: Too much Peyton Manning (but let’s not forget about Pierre Garcon – with a name like that why isn’t he playing for the Saints?). Manning is one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history, and even the Jets’ vaunted defense could do nothing to rattle or stop him. The Shonn Greene injury hurt the Jets, but Greene wouldn’t have helped in stopping Manning. At least they were just beat by a better team. There was no controversy. No nightmarish ending. Imagine being a Vikings fan right now. And losing certainly didn’t stop Rex Ryan from talking. After his Super Bowl favorite theory went up in flames, he took a little potshot at the Giants, declaring the Jets the “biggest show in town.” And he was absolutely outraged that Andre Dawson will be going into the Baseball Hall of Fame wearing a Montreal Expos hat instead of a New York Jets cap.

Yes! The Nets win the pennant! The Nets win the pennant! The Nets win the pennant! Ok, the Nets didn’t win the pennant. There isn’t even a pennant in basketball. But they finally won their fourth game of the season on Wednesday, beating the Clippers, 103-87. It was their first victory since beating the Knicks on December 30. Kris Humphries pumped in 25 points coming off the bench, Keyon Dooling added 18 points (10 in the fourth quarter) and eight assists, Brook Lopez had 19 points and nine rebounds and Terrence Williams was all-around spectacular (seven points, eight assists, nine rebounds). And, yes, they played defense, too. In other news, Lopez will be playing in the Rookie Challenge game for the second year in a row.

Let’s See How They React: The Knicks followed up their routine loss to the Lakers, with a 50-point drubbing to Dallas. It was the worst home loss in franchise history. How would they react to that? By blowing out Minnesota, 132-105. Well, at least we know they’re resilient. Unfortunately, they then lost a squeaker last night in a game they should have won (and Jared Jeffries and Al Harrington could be headed for surgery). Danilo Gallinari was chosen to play in the Rookie Challenge game during All-Star weekend, but David Lee was shunned by the All-Star selection crew. He took his frustrations out on Toronto with his 29 point, 18 rebound effort. The last Knicks to be named to the All-Star game were Latrell Sprewell and Allan Houston, all the way back in 2001.

Mets Mini-Camp: The good news: Johan Santana threw off a mound for the first time since last season on Tuesday, and felt great. The bad news: Oliver Perez also threw, which means he’s still on the team. He’s grown a beard and has a new and improved physique in the hopes that nobody would recognize him (except for the team’s payroll accountant, of course). In other minor Met news, they traded for Gary Matthews, Jr. Here are the pros of that acquisition: He adds outfield depth and can play center, and he’s cheap (the Angels will be paying over $20 million of the rest of his contract, while the Mets only pay $1.25 mil a year the next two seasons). And here are the cons: he’s a PED cheat, which was the reason for the one good season in his career, he’s a supposed “clubhouse cancer,” he stinks, he’s old and the Mets gave up a serviceable reliever to get him. If the Angels can eat all that money and find a sucker to take Matthews off their hands, couldn’t the Mets do the same thing with Luis Castillo? Oh right, the Mets are the sucker. I keep forgetting. And it looks like Fernando Tatis will be back yet again, and the starting rotation will also be the same old story. So much for any kind of overhaul or change in clubhouse culture. Omar Minaya just can’t let go of the past, can he? No matter how nightmarish it’s been.

The New Yankee: Say hello to Randy Winn. Say good-bye to Johnny Damon. Winn can play all three outfield positions, but his main asset is, much like Greg Brady when he became Johnny Bravo, he “fits the suit” – meaning he signed for the $2 million the Yankees had left in their budget. Let’s face it, in these difficult times it’s hard finding 25 players for $200 million.

The Sinking Rangers: Nothing’s going right for the Blueshirts. They can’t score, they have no confidence, Marian Gaborik and Henrik Lundqvist are struggling, they have a four-game losing streak, James Dolan is still their owner, Glen Sather is still their president/GM, they’re sinking in the standings – things are snowballing out of control. “The best thing for us to do is to get out of town; the further the better,” stated John Tortorella after Wednesday’s game. You can run, but you can’t hide.

I’m not a Jets fan, but Rex Ryan has everyone in this city so inspired and pumped up, even I’d run through a wall for him. In fact, I tried to do just that. Unfortunately, I slipped on a bag of Funyuns and flew through the plate-glass window in my living room. Now I have cuts and bruises all over my face and body, one of my ears was sliced off, my wife is furious at me and it’s really, really cold in our living room. Ryan’s infectious motivating style is being packaged into a new self-help, confidence-building program, with books and DVDS – The Rex Ryan Method: Swaggering, Boasting and Eating Your Way to a Newer, More Confident You. Here are his three top keys to turning yourself into a more successful person:

       1. Declare yourself the favorite in any situation; and then make yourself a nice, big sandwich.

       2. Declare that you will be invited to the White House and meet the President; he will then make you a nice, big sandwich.

       3. Declare that you did not come here to kiss Bill Belichick’s rings; you came here to eat a nice, big sandwich.

Other less successful self-help motivational programs by local-area coaches that ultimately failed include: You Motherf***ing Piece of S***: Live Life the John Tortorella Way – Or Else. His top tips include:

       1. %#!?*%!#?%*!#?!

       2. !?*%!#?!%*!#?!*!!

       3. Always treat people with kindness and respect

And then there was Communicating Through Cackles and Guffaws: Jerry Manuel’s Guide to Successful Living. Here are his top tips for a better life:

       1. When things are going poorly – laugh uproariously.

       2. When things are going well – laugh uproariously.

       3. When things are just ok – laugh uproariously.

Here are the top stories of the week in the world of New York sports:

Two Down, Two to Go: Sometimes it’s just your year and things go your way. The Jets “backed” into the playoffs, the Bengals’ kicker missed two field goals and then San Diego’s kicker missed three times. It helps to be lucky and good. And the Jets are pretty darn good. Of course, you can’t just add nine points to the final score of last Sunday’s game; if Nate Kaeding would have made those kicks, the two teams would have played a different game, with altered strategy and play-calling, from then on, but still – three misses? The Jets beat San Diego with the same recipe they used in Cincinnati: Defense, Shonn Greene and Mark Sanchez not doing anything stupid. Is there any debate over who was the better coach? During the obligatory congratulatory handshake by the two head coaches at the end of the game, Ryan made like Charlie Daniels, and said to Norv Turner, “That’s how you do it, son.” He then grabbed a breadstick, pointed it at the camera, winked and sauntered off to the locker room. Now we have a rematch of Super Bowl III (well, almost, since the Colts are now in Indianapolis and play in the AFC). If the Jets are going to win, they may have to play like their predecessors. In that momentous game, Joe Namath’s Jets scored a rushing TD, kicked three field goals, gained 142 yards on the ground and, most importantly, won the turnover battle, 5-1.

Just Like Old Times: Rex Ryan even has the Blueshirts believing in themselves. 14 goals in two games? Let’s say that again: 14 goals in two games. Sweet Holy Moly! It was NHL hockey 1980s-style at the Garden this week, scoring and fighting and fighting and scoring. But last night the offensive explosion abruptly ended, as the Rangers couldn’t get anything going at all. And in the second period, the game turned into the 1970s. Playing the parts of Dave Schultz and Dale Rolfe were Daniel Carcillo and Marian Gaborik (while Dan Girardi stood idly by). Old-time hockey! Eddie Shore! Toe Blake!

As the Knicks Turn: It’s an up and down world for the Knicks these days. They won their annual MLK Day game, beating Detroit 99-91, but lost four out of five before that. Chris Duhon is fading, so Nate Robinson is handling the ball more (and led the team with 27 points on Monday) and they’re running plays through David Lee. Jonathan Bender and Larry Hughes are the latest DNP’s, while Jordan Hill is now playing. In off-the-court news, Stephon Marbury is now where he belongs – in China; Nate Robinson is where he belongs – in the slam dunk contest; and Eddy Curry is where he belongs – having knee surgery.

Devils vs. Islanders: Last week the Rangers and Devils gave us a classic, and this week’s local matchup pitted New Jersey vs. Long Island. It wasn’t a thriller, though, as the Islanders raced right by the Devils, and upset them easily, 4-0. It was the fourth win in a row for the Isles (and they’ve now won five out of their last six). Martin Brodeur and Henrik Lundqvist each put up zeros last week, and this time it was Rick DiPietro’s turn. It was his first shutout in almost two years. New Jersey had lost their last three games and four of their last six, with Jacques Lemaire claiming they were tired. All that winning in the first half of the season wore them down. But they got a good night’s sleep and went right back to their successful ways, beating Florida, 2-0, but put everybody else to sleep in the process. Brodeur recorded his 13^th 30-victory season, tying Patrick Roy’s record.

What About Teddy Martinez? The Mets announced that Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Davey Johnson and Frank Cashen will be inducted into the Mets Hall of Fame this summer. And it’s about time. Of course, if Doc and Darryl made different choices in their lives, they could have been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, too. The last Met to be inducted was Tommie Agee in 2002. In hot stove news, the Mets presented Bengie Molina with a take-it-or-leave-it offer and he left it, opting to re-sign with the Giants. Omar Minaya held his ground and didn’t overpay in dollars or years for an aging, “husky” catcher. That’s certainly not Met-like. Are they starting to make sound, forward thinking decisions in Queens? And Joel Pineiro is also off to California. Who does that leave for the Mets? Jon Garland, Ben Sheets, Jarrod Washburn? A trade with the Reds?

3-38: Will the Nets ever win again? No, I’m serious. I mean ever. Kris Humphries said: “We have stretches where we can compete with any NBA team.” When? During pregame warmups? In 2002? Well, they were tied with Phoenix at halftime, so that’s a competitive stretch and it’s almost like winning for the Nets. And Brook Lopez outscored his twin brother, Robin, 26-20, so that’s something, too. Amar’e Stoudemire sees the Nets’ potential, though, and hasn’t crossed them off his list of possible teams to join next season.

Confidence. The Jets have it. In fact, the Jets are so confident after whooping Cincinnati’s butt on Saturday, that Rex Ryan feels his team should not only be the favorite in the Super Bowl but also in the NBA playoffs. The first-year coach has his players believing that they can accomplish anything. He’s dispatched Dustin Keller to solve the Jay Leno/Conan O’Brien conundrum. The offensive line is drafting a health-care bill that will make everyone happy. And Bart Scott will be stepping in to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. To paraphrase Yogi Berra: Sports are 90% mental, the other half is physical. And the Jets are not having any problems with the mental aspect of the game right now (nor the physical side either). Some feel there may be a little too much braggadocio in Jet land, but so far it’s working. Sitting at the other end of the confidence meter is the Nets. They do nothing but lose, and can’t even sniff a victory. Do you think they have any confidence at all when they walk onto the court? The rest of the New York–area teams fall somewhere in the middle. Sometimes winning a few games comes first, and confidence springs from that, and that seems to be happening with the Knicks, Rangers and Islanders. You start out 1-9, win a few games here and there and before you know it you’re in playoff contention and saying things like: “I think this once again shows we can beat anybody, anywhere, when we play the right way” (David Lee). Or you have Lou Lamoriello and Jacques Lemaire running the show, which means you should always be confident. And then there’s a whole other aspect of the confidence phenomenon – being on a minute-by-minute mental roller-coaster ride, which is what it must be like inside Oliver Perez’s head.

Here are the top stories of the past week in the world of New York sports:

One Down, Three to Go: The Jets D and Darrelle Revis did what they had to do. The rookies – Mark Sanchez, Shonn Greene and Rex Ryan – were outstanding. What a great way to start their playoff careers. But the real hero was Jay Feely. Sure, he didn’t have to go in and play quarterback, but still, it’s the first time he ever punted in an NFL game, and in the playoffs with hardly any advanced warning, no less. He came up with some nice coffin-corner, Jeff Feagles-like kicks (well, the 42-year-old Jeff Feagles). And unlike his counterpart on the Bengals, Shayne Graham, he made all his field goals and extra points. Graham felt so bad after missing that second FG that he hid in defensive tackle Domata Peko’s hair for the rest of the game. The Jets had an easy time of it with the Bengals, but Cincinnati claimed they still weren’t trying. They were going to wait until the second round of the playoffs to give it their all. The Chargers, on the other hand, will most likely be another story.

Rangers-Devils Classic: You had two teams that hate each other. A playoff-like atmosphere. An even, hard-fought game. A goalies’ duel by two of the best netminders in the game. 96 total shots. A 0-0 score after regulation. A 0-0 score after overtime. It’s a shame one of the teams had to lose. It was an instant classic. But the NHL needs to get rid of the shootout. It’s run its course, and is no way to determine games. And it makes an in-game penalty shot seem almost boring now. Yes, I’m an American so there should be a winner and loser in athletic contests, but ties are almost better than this. If they insist on keeping it, at least get rid of the three-point games; no more one point given out to the losing team.

2009 Redux: Well, here we go again. Carlos Beltran is already going to miss the beginning of the season. Apparently he had knee surgery against the Mets wishes. Injuries? Controversy? Ah, the world of the New York Mets. Isn’t anybody in charge over there?

Lee the Go-To Guy: The Knicks lost their first two games of the week, blowing one against Houston and then getting creamed vs. Oklahoma City. But they rebounded on Wednesday, with their exciting win over Philadelphia. David Lee, grieving over the death of his grandfather, came up with some key baskets down the stretch to lead the Knicks to victory. Mike D’Antoni: “It just goes to show you how professional he is. He’s on a one-year contract. We didn’t give him two or three years or five years or whatever it is. He’s going to fly and go out to the funeral and be ready Friday night. That’s not normal. It’s just a test of his character again, which he’s showed repeatedly. There’s just so many things he does to make himself a good player and you’ve got to appreciate a player like that.”

Numbers 7, 8 & 9: Fair or unfair, the Nets, Islanders and Devils are numbers seven, eight and nine in the pecking order of New York–area sports teams. But if you’re a diehard fan, who cares, right? They all made the news on Friday night, though. The lights went out in Newark during the second period. The Devils win so often that when they found themselves behind 3-0, they didn’t know how to react, so they panicked and Lou Lamoriello turned out the lights and quietly ran away. When they resumed the game on Sunday, Lenny Randle was seen standing at center ice ready for his at-bat. Before the Nets game, a fire broke out in New Orleans Arena. It got so smoky the doors had to be opened to let in some fresh air. The Nets neglected to use that opportunity to escape before suffering through another loss. And for the Isles, Friday night saw the return of Rick DiPietro, in their 4-3 loss. He was rusty but he finally made it back. The Islanders have crept back into the playoff picture, though, by winning four of their last five games, including a dominant performance against the Red Wings.

Honors and Dishonors: Darrelle Revis lost out to Charles Woodson for Defensive Player of the Year, and Coach Ryan was none too happy about it. In fact he vowed to go on a hunger strike, only eating three meals a day, until justice is served. New Jersey’s Jamie Langenbrunner was selected as captain of Team USA for the upcoming Olympics, with teammate Zach Parise picked as an alternate. Chris Drury will not be wearing a letter on his sweater this time around, though.

R.I.P. Art Clokey: The Jets are on a big-time roll but let’s give homage to the original green machine – Gumby, who along with his pal Pokey, had to constantly fight and defeat their arch-nemeses the Blockheads. Their creator, Art Clokey, passed away a week ago, at the age of 81. The old show was wacky, surreal and filled with innocent fun (except when Eddie Murphy got a hold of the slope-headed character). Clokey also came up with the goofily brilliant, weird and religious Davey and Goliath series. I don’t believe there was an episode with steroids as the theme, but there should have been. Mark McGwire kept telling us in his mea culpa interview that the “man upstairs” was his reason for hitting all those home runs, with PEDs having nothing to do with his power. I think Davey and Goliath would have set him straight. Surely McGwire would have a different take on his cheating, lying and law-breaking if he heard the truth about honesty, God and doing the right thing from a talking dog made of clay, wouldn’t he?