The Yankees win the World Series and as soon as you can say the words “Johnny Damon wants a four-year contract” the rest of the New York–area teams go down the tubes. They went a combined 5-11 this past week. It must be a hangover. Are all the local teams riding on the Yankees’ coattails and going to all of their parties? It’s also possible that many of the area teams just stink. The Knicks and Nets went a combined 0-7 this week, and are 1-16 for the year, for instance. It was only the always-good Devils that skewed the combined record by going 4-0, and they barely count as a local team.

Here’s a day-by-day look at the past seven days.

Friday: The injury-riddled Nets lost to Philly, which kept them winless for the season, and the Devils beat the Islanders in a continuation of the New Jersey–Long Island War of 1801, in which it was so cold and icey out during the Battle of Massapequa that both sides just gave up after 15 minutes and vowed to resume fighting “when they invent the game of hockey and the Colorado Rockies move to New Jersey.” The big highlight of the evening was, of course, the Knicks game. And, as expected, the Knicks were humiliated by LeBron James and the Cavs. They fought back bravely at the end, but who were they kidding? The game was secondary, though, as the real story was: Will LeBron come to New York next year? The Knicks owe it to their fans after shipping Walt Frazier off to Cleveland as compensation for signing Jim Cleamons and forcing him to wear those yellow, orange and red stripey uniforms. Here’s an argument for both sides of the LeBron to New York or LeBron stays in Cleveland debate.

5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Come to New York:

1. On his days off, he can go to Rudy’s and take advantage of the free hot dogs.

2. New York City is the talcum powder capital of the world.

3. He should to get out of town before Eric Mangini’s losing rubs off on him.

4. He can fulfill his lifelong dream of playing in a softball league on Randall’s Island during the summer.

5. Drew Carey will finally have to move out of his basement.

5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Stay in Cleveland:

1. There’s better oompah music in Cleveland.

2. It’s closer to his vacation home in Toledo.

3. If he comes to New York, Braylon Edwards will have to be traded back to Cleveland.

4. The only Knick players worth having as teammates have long retired.

5. He gets to hang out with Willie Mays Hayes.

Saturday: The Rangers lost the game to Calgary and lost two centers to boot. Chris Drury was knocked upside the head with a cheap shot but his teammates just let it slide. The Knicks continued their losing ways, falling to Milwaukee, 102-97. “We got outplayed so badly in the first quarter, it really didn’t matter what happened after that,” stated David Lee. It’s looking like you can probably say that about the whole season. The Nets lost. Again. That Russian billionaire might want his money back at this point. The surging Devils beat Ottawa, 3-2, and the scrappy Islanders defeated Atlanta, 6-3. How fun would it be to have three top-notch hockey teams in the area? How good would it be to just have three hockey teams in the area? The Isles can’t go to Kansas City, can they?

Sunday: The Giants suffered a crushing loss. Sure, the Chargers have pretty cool helmets but that’s no excuse for the Jints to lose. Their defense is just not the same as previous seasons. Where have you gone, Steve Spagnuolo? Giants fans turn their lonely eyes to you. And the offensive game-calling was conservative, playing not to lose instead of to win. As my daughter once told me after a heated game of Go Fish, “YOU PLAY . . . TO WIN . . . THE GAME!”

Monday: The Knicks lost a heartbreaker to Utah. It was the Toney Douglas show, but he just couldn’t make that last shot. Will he soon be taking over for Chris Duhon? In better news, Brian Leetch, Lou Lamoriello and John Davidson were all enshrined in the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Tuesday: There weren’t any local games, so nobody could lose on this day. Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter won Gold Gloves today, though. No one can argue with the wizardry of Teixeira at first, and Jeter had one of his best seasons on defense. In the past, Sabremetricians were rolling over in their graves when Jeter would win a Gold Glove. And the ones that weren’t dead were rolling their eyes. And the ones that were wearing eye patches were shrugging their shoulders. And the ones who had their shoulders amputated due to too much shrugging, well, they have bigger problems than Jeter’s fielding. Speaking of big problems, a svelte Eddy Curry returned to practice. He lost weight easily once he realized the diet he was on for the past year wasn’t working. He had been trying one of those celebrity fad diets: James Gandolfini’s All Little Italy All the Time Diet.

Wednesday: The Knicks had a big lead but lost to Atlanta. Douglas had his second straight 20-plus point game, after being inserted into the starting lineup as the shooting guard. The Nets announced before their game vs. Philly that they would be changing their name to the Washington Generals, and on cue they went out and lost. The Devils just keep on winning, though, beating Anaheim. And the Islanders scored a late goal to send the game into OT, but ultimately lost in a marathon shootout to Washington. Both teams ran out of players so Guy Charron had to come out of retirement to score the game-winner for the Caps.

Thursday: The Devils moved into first place with their victory last night in Pittsburgh, which was their ninth straight road win to start the season. One more ties the NHL record. And the wrong-way Rangers keep going backwards. Marian Gaborik scored as usual, and they got two goals from the center position playing with their makeshift lineup, but bad defense, too many penalties and not enough effort did them in again.

Finally! The waiting is over! After nine long years without a World Series victory, the Yankees are champs once again. Nobody suffers like a Yankees fan. Think of the toll all those championship-less years have taken on an eight-year-old Yankee fan who’s never seen his favorite team win. After overcoming the Curse of Danny Cater by winning it all in ’77 and the Curse of Hiring a Manager Named Stump with the team’s ’96 Series win, the Bombers have now wiped out the Curse of Giving Us the Image of Jason Giambi in a Thong. This year’s Yankees were a heartwarming story of pies to the face and walk-off wins, and they were, of course, built the old-fashioned way: By buying up every free agent star on the market and paying hundreds of millions of dollars to them. The World Series celebration was more subdued this year because the only people who can afford to go to a Yankee game are the players and their Hollywood girlfriends. But however big their payroll is, they got it done on the field, so they earned it. And the Phillies were certainly no pushovers.

Instead of the usual Player of the Week mumbo jumbo, here are some World Series observations and fun facts:

With their 27^th championship, the Yanks have won 25.7% of all World Series. Whether you love ’em or hate ’em, that’s impressive.

Out of all the players in the history of baseball who have styled their hair using bacon grease, Chase Utley is without a doubt the best of the bunch.

Johnny Damon’s mad dash to an uncovered third base was the best play of the Series and will be the signature highlight of this Fall Classic. If this postseason has taught us anything, it’s that other teams can be as boneheaded and fundamentally lacking as the Mets.

Bud Selig is coming closer and closer to fulfilling his dream of having a baseball game played on Thanksgiving.

If it was his last game with the Bronx Bombers, Hideki Matsui made his mark as a Yankee in this Series, by batting .615 with three home runs and eight RBI’s, and driving in six runs in the clincher, which tied a record set by fellow-Yankee Bobby Richardson in 1960. Matsui also announced after the game that he would be releasing a tell-all book entitled, Stuff I Overheard in the Yankee Clubhouse After Tricking Everybody Into Thinking I Didn’t Speak English.

Is there a cooler character than Cliff Lee? He might as well have been throwing pitches between taking bites of a sandwich.

Do you think Tim McCarver tries to predict every little moment at home like he does when announcing a game? “I can tell we’re going to have pot roast tonight, kids, because your mother is opening the oven door with her left hand. And when she wears an oven mitt on each hand, you just know she’s going to be pulling out a big roast of some kind.”

Phillie fans think Joe Buck is pro–New York and Yankee fans feel he’s pro-Philadelphia. But, come on, he hates all of us East Coasters. His allegiance is to Anheuser-Busch and St. Louis.

I imagine the word “choking” won’t be coming out of Cole Hamels’ mouth on the radio this offseason.

Alex Rodriguez finally got his World Series ring. Thank God―we were all worried for him. Will he love himself even more now? Imagine the makeout sessions with the mirror this winter.

Jimmy Rollins made a nice fool of himself with his Patrick Ewing-like prediction before the Series. Maybe he should stop with the yapping and use that time to take some extra batting practice. That’s two years in a row he’s left the heavy lifting for his teammates (.217 in this year’s Series; .227 last year).

It looks like Mark Teixeira is the new/old A-Rod, with his .136 average. Lucky for him the Yankees won.

The performance of the Phillies’ bullpen was no surprise, but the rest of the Phillies didn’t look like the Phillies. What happened to Ryan Howard (he broke the World Series record for most strikeouts, with 13, and batted .174), Rollins, Shane Victorino (.182) and even Pedro Feliz (.174)? That didn’t resemble the Philadelphia team we’ve seen over the last few years.

Andy Pettitte was the winning pitcher in each postseason series clincher for the Yanks this year. Every Yankee fan knows he’s the pitcher you want in a big game. They also know if they need steroids, Pettitte can round some up for them in a pinch.

Joe Girardi: Lucky or genius?

The Yankees announced this morning that they will be charging a nominal $2,500 fee to each fan who attends today’s parade. “If we ripped them off before we won the World Series, think of what we can do now that we’re champs. They’re not the greatest fans in the world for nothing,” they stated in a press release.

Congratulations, New York Yankees.

In Major League Baseball, the MVP award goes out at the end of the regulated season. It goes to the athlete who has stood out as being the most valuable, above all the rest. To an individual player, it is a huge accomplishment and honor considered being the elite in your field.

Within baseball, two players one from the American League and the one from the National League respectively, receive this prize each year.

The awards terms incorporate the obvious, which are stats and production for the season. Baseball has more stats than any other sport but this at least provides an idea of who is in contention.

However, for me, a fan, the MVP means so much more than just that.

A player selflessly plays the game by the game as part of the team not for his own personal goals. This is by no means a wimp, nor a loud mouth. His personal goals are for the team and to help the team win.

It is an athlete, proud of their sport’s history, as well as respects the veterans who played before him by learning from their wisdom.

The MVP is an athlete who discovers it is not his right to be a professional athlete but a gift that get treated as such through hard work and dedication.

Anyone will agree that the first lesson taught in gym class is to be a good sport and a team player. It is the fundamentals of displaying sportsmanship.

Plenty of MVP awards have gone to athletes (aka. Lebron James) who do not display these fundamental basics. The kind of message that is being sent is one where stats are all that matter.

That is furthest thing from the truth. It is so confusing if a player is the named ‘MVP’ because they are supposed to be the perfect, in valuable to a team. Perfect examples all around is what I am getting at.

The game of Baseball took a beating that goes beyond damage. The game deserves to get some of its integrity back. With all the PED talk and craziness of a list, that is destroying baseball name by name.

This only cements why this particular season’s MVP has to special. A player being one with the obvious of having top stats but also displays what the game of baseball is still. It has to be the story that tops the baseball world by getting everyone to stop and remember why it is America’s past time.

The answer might be the easiest decision to make.

Simply, it would be to crown Derek Jeter the MVP because he deserves it.

It sends a message to the kids who idolize baseball. That you can play fairly, not being a circus show, not wanting to draw attention to yourself but to your team and displays the courage to give credit where credit is due, win or lose.

Jeter is the template of baseball and his stats are good enough to be on the list. The persona that Derek Jeter characterizes so consistently is more valuable to baseball than any RBI’s or Home runs hit.

He not only represents the great City of New York but of our country as well at the WBC (World Baseball Classic), which took place last February. The players vote for a captain who will represent not only the USA but also themselves. Rollins, Wright, Pedroia, Youkilis to a name a few all voted for Jeter without hesitation.

If a room full of your own peers, who are the best of the best, elect you to be their captain it speaks more to society then the stats on the score-sheet.

Derek Jeter is the Most Valuable Player this season. He is the Yankees captain, he is also America’s captain and he is baseball’s captain.

No one represents baseball to the fans, to the players and to the world more than Derek Jeter does.

In addition, because of what this athlete is to the sport of baseball alone says it all.

Baseball would not be what it is without Derek Jeter and I am not the only one…..

Rays manager Joe Maddon said it best: “I’m very happy for him. He carries himself in a manner that’s worthy of passing Gehrig.”

“I can’t tell you how much I admire Derek Jeter, everything about him. He’s a symbol of everything that’s right about the game, as far as I’m concerned. He’s a great role model for other players. When I tell my kids or grandkids about the great players from my time, I’ll be proud to say I was on the same field with Derek Jeter.” – Howie Kendrick, Angels

“It couldn’t happen to a better person. He’s a great teammate, a great friend. He’s done things the right way. He’s a great leader on this team, so you can’t say enough about Derek Jeter.” – Andy Pettitte after Jeter broke Lou Gehrig’s hits record

“He’s a leader and a winner and that’s something I’d like to be.” – David Wright, Captain of the New York Mets

All anybody’s talking about in the New York area is the Islanders’ first regulation win over the Rangers (though Jimmy Rollins predicted it on Monday). You can’t walk down the street without somebody stopping you and asking all about the hockey team from Long Island. Will they get on a roll? Is John Tavares the real deal? Islanders, Islanders, Islanders! Everybody’s forgetting all about the bad start of the two local basketball teams, and does anybody even know that the Yankees are in the World Series this year? All the Islanders-all-the-time talk is really taking the pressure off the other local teams.

Here at Hot Stove, we know that the Yankees are in the World Series again, as you can’t get anything by us. The Bronx Bombers paid their $200 million entry fee into the Series, setting up a rematch of the 1950 Fall Classic. And with so many off-days, it seems like there are about 59 years between games in this postseason. In the Series we’ve already seen Cliff Lee nonchalantly put the Bombers’ bats to sleep, and in game two the Yankees proved once again to be Pedro Martinez’s daddy. After the game, Martinez also claimed that Mark Teixeira was his uncle, Hideki Matsui a distant cousin and Jorge Posada was his Aunt Lucille. People in New York may not care for the Phillies (or Eagles or Sixers or Flyers), but not everything from Philly is bad. They did give us two of America’s greatest cultural achievements (no, not Chase Utley’s hair): Cheesesteaks and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Of course, the mayors from the two cities made their usual bet on the Series. Many ideas were tossed around on what the bet would consist of: If the Yankees lose, New York City would change its name to Mike Schmidtville, if Philly loses it would change to Little Smellier New York; if the Phils win NYC would have to replace the Statue of Liberty with a 300-foot statue of the Philly Phanatic, if the Yanks win Philadelphia has to tear down its statue of Rocky and put one up of Clue Haywood; if the Phillies win Pedro Martinez gets to slam the Yankee coach of his choice to the ground once more for old time’s sake, if the Yankees win A.J. Burnett gets to smash a pie filled with stuff fished out of the East River in Shane Victorino’s face. They finally settled on the losing city just disappearing from the face of the earth.

In local football news, the Jets and Giants beat Oakland this season by a combined score of 82-7. The Jets kept things simple for Mark Sanchez, who spent the game eating hot dogs in the huddle while watching his running backs go wild. Teams instantly get back on track when playing the Raiders, but can it work like that in real life, also? If your marriage is on the rocks, can you spend the day with the Oakland Raiders and you’ll be on your way to a second honeymoon? Failing out of high school? Will three hours with the Raiders get those grades back up and you’ll find yourself enrolling in Harvard? If your life is falling apart because of an alcohol problem, will running around the football field for an afternoon with the Raiders put everything back into place? Are the Oakland Raiders the cure for all of our problems?

Player of the Week

Shonn Greene: The Jets rookie stepped in when Leon Washington was lost for the season, and gained a whopping 144 yards and scored two touchdowns. But how many spellings of the name ‘Sean’ do we need? Shonn, Chone, Shean, Sean, Shaun, Shawn. Stop the madness.

Runners Up

A.J. Burnett: The Yanks needed Burnett to come up big, and he was clutch in game two, throwing seven strong innings and outdueling Pedro.

Mariano Rivera: After getting a two-inning save to close out the Angels on Sunday, Rivera did it again last night to save game two of the World Series (though he got a little help from the umps).

Mark Teixeira/Hideki Matsui: Each blasted a homer to right, which was enough offense for the Bronx Bombers. But what’s happening to Alex Rodriguez? 0-8 with six strikeouts in the Series? Uh-oh.

Thomas Jones: Another day at the office for Jones – 121 yards and a TD.

Jets Offensive Line: They only let up one sack and have blocked their way to being the first team to have back-to-back 300 rushing yards since the 1975 Bills, who, of course, featured O.J. Simpson. Let’s just hope that none of these linemen become A.C. Cowlings to Thomas Jones’ O.J.

Calvin Pace: The busy linebacker had three sacks, seven tackles and two forced fumbles. But does it really count if it’s against Oakland?

Andy Pettitte: The veteran lefty notched his record-setting 16^th postseason win, while clinching the ALCS for the Yanks on Sunday.

Kevin Boss: The Giants tight end had three catches, but the one late in the game when he was almost knocked unconscious with a helmet to helmet hit earns him a spot here. That’s one tough dude.

Jeff Tambellini: The Islanders went 1-0-2, this week, and Tambellini picked up three goals and an assist along the way.

Brook Lopez: The Nets big man scored 27 points, hauled in 15 rebounds and blocked five shots, but the Nets still collapsed in Minnesota.

Marian Gaborik: The Ranger star had five points in two games, and left a gaping hole in the lineup when he missed Wednesday’s game.

R.I.P. Bill Chadwick: Legendary Rangers announcer The Big Whistle died on Saturday, at the age of 94. He was colorful, loud and fun. I ranked him #7 on my painstakingly non-researched post of the best local announcers of the last 40 years. He was originally a referee and invented the hand signals that refs still use today. I was watching the Rangers game when his death was announced, which reminds me of the time when I was a kid and was viewing the back-to-back Hogan’s Heroes episodes that channel 5 used to show from 11 PM–midnight, when the news team cut in with the startling report that the show’s star Bob Crane was murdered. I instantly blamed Colonel Klink. Coincidence? Synchronicity? The ghost of Bob Crane has haunted me ever since, though. I constantly wake up to find radios in my coffee pot, tunnels built under my house and Lebeau’s strudel sitting on my kitchen counter.

Schmuck of the Week

Eli Manning: The Giants QB may have been over-thinking things a little too much by changing plays at the line of scrimmage on every down, taking two delay of game penalties along the way and throwing three picks. Or was he listening to the Yankees game in the radio in his helmet?  At any rate, Manning had trouble hooking up with his receivers all game long and never seemed to solve Arizona’s defense.

It was a brutal week for the New York football teams, as the Giants got killed and the Jets fell to lowly Buffalo and lost Kris Jenkins for the rest of the season. Even the hockey teams mixed in some debacles with a few wins. And something bad probably happened to the Mets even though their season is long over.

But even after last night’s loss, the Yankees are sitting pretty, with a 3-2 lead in the series and heading back home. With a budget as high as our country’s deficit, the Yanks had two options this offseason: Use their money to cure the U.S. economy or buy a whole bunch of free agents. They chose the latter, and it’s working out just fine (well, for them). Unfortunately, the one aspect of the playoffs that has stood out the most is the atrocious umpiring. The horrible umpiring in this year’s postseason is unprecedented, but there are things out there that are actually worse, if you can believe it. And there’s only one way to discover what those things are – we’re going to have to play Family Feud. So here we go . . . let’s play the Feud! We’ve surveyed 20,000 Americans and came up with the top 20 answers. Name something that is worse than this year’s playoff umpiring. Survey says . . .

Steve Phillips‘ judgment

Steve Phillips’ taste in women

Steve Phillips’ wife’s taste in men

ESPN’s taste in announcers

The closers on every playoff team except the Yankees

Joe Girardi’s decision to bring in Alfredo Aceves in game three

The Angels’ defense

The Angels’ base running

The Islanders

The Nets

The Knicks

The Mets

Bud Selig

Nick Swisher’s ALCS batting average

Chip Caray

The Tennessee Titans

Eric Mangini

An Omar Minaya press conference

Me spending 45 minutes at work watching a flying saucer-shaped balloon fly over Colorado (oh, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t give that time back for anything)

And the #1 answer: Sobriety

Players of the Week

CC Sabathia: He was the man in games one and four. Eight innings and one run in the first game and then he did it again his next time out on Tuesday. Short rest? No problem. He’s already been storing up food for the winter by eating eight meals a day, so strength wasn’t an issue (ok, he probably does that year-round).

Alex Rodriguez: What’s going on with the erstwhile choke artist? He may be calm and relaxed on the outside, but his clutchness seems to have caught a case of ’roid rage. He has three homers and five RBI’s and is batting .368 in the ALCS

Runners Up

Mariano Rivera: The always reliable Yankees closer has pitched five innings in four games without giving up a run in the series vs. the Angels.

Derek Jeter: He and A-Rod carried the Yanks during the first part of the ALCS. He’s belted two dingers and has driven in three.

Domenik Hixon: The only bright spot for the Giants this week was Hixon’s 281 kickoff and punt return yards.

Thomas Jones: The Jets running back set a franchise-record, with 210 rushing yards. He also had one TD, and two career-long runs in a row (64 and 71 yards), but it wasn’t enough to beat Buffalo.

Zach Parise: The star of the Devils had four goals (including two vs. the Rangers last night) and two assists this week.

Martin Brodeur: The future Hall of Famer ended his hex against Henrik Lundqvist last night and also notched another shutout this week.

Michael Del Zotto: The Ranger teenager added two more goals, which gives him nine points in his first 10 games.

Matt Moulson: In four games this week, the Islander netted three goals and assisted on another.

Schmucks of the Week

Mark Sanchez: He threw a whopping five interceptions, and finished with an 8.3 QB rating on Sunday. Maybe he is the next Joe Namath, after all. Broadway Joe threw a lot more INT’s than TD’s in his career (220 to 173).

Giants D: Not a good game for anyone on the Giants D on Sunday. They let up almost 500 yards, couldn’t cover any of the Saints receivers and didn’t put any pressure on Drew Brees. Are the injuries starting to catch up with them? Did they think too much of themselves and came in to the game unprepared? Or did the recent bad baseball umpiring affect their play?

Now that the Great Balloon Hoax of Aught-Nine is over, we can concentrate on sports again (CC Sabathia’s uniform is so big and baggy, it could probably be filled with helium and flown across the country, too). This past week in New York sports, the Yankees swept the Twins and now have to take on those pesky, team-of-destiny Angels, the Giants killed the Raiders to stay undefeated, the Jets suffered their second consecutive loss, the Rangers kept on winning, the Devils heated up, but the poor Islanders still couldn’t manage to notch their first victory of the year. The most bizarre moment of the week, though, was the Mickey Rourke sighting on the Giants sideline. And Kevin Bacon showed up at the Garden for the Knicks preseason home opener. Is the cast of Diner making the rounds of the local sports teams to commemorate the 27^th anniversary of the movie?

Besides being at the Knicks game, Bacon could also be seen hiding in the Yankees dugout on Friday because, unbeknownst to A. J. Burnett, that was Shrevie’s wife, donned in curly black wig, behind the plate and not Jose Molina (or even Carol Heathrow for that matter). And wasn’t that Daniel Stern with a headset on standing next to Rex Ryan on Monday Night Football? I’m not an expert in lip reading, but I think Kris Jenkins put Stern’s James Brown album in the jazz section, and Stern was none too happy about it. I’m pretty sure he was also yelling at the Jets defense, “You never ask me what’s on the flip side!” Paul Reiser was spotted sitting at the end of the Islanders bench on Monday wondering if John Tavares was going to finish his sandwich and telling him, “You know what word I’m not comfortable with? Nuance. It’s not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture’s a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong.” Tim Daly ended up in the penalty box during Wednesday’s Rangers game, and was heard yelling at the Kings, “I’ll hit you so hard, I’ll kill your whole family!” And, yes, that was Steve Guttenberg playing goalie for the Devils against Washington on Monday. He did play Jim Craig in made-for-TV movie Miracle on Ice, after all. Martin Brodeur was busy taking Guttenberg’s hockey quiz, so the actor had to fill in for him.

Player of the Week

Alex Rodriguez: The Yanks’ third baseman batted .455, with two HR’s and six RBI’s in the division series vs. the Twins, and belted a game-tying two-run dinger in the bottom of the ninth on Friday. His transformation from a steroid cheating, adulterous, narcissistic, megalomaniac phony to just a regular narcissistic phony is the talk of the town. He’s even going to star in an upcoming movie, The Pride of Scott Boros.

Runners Up

Ahmad Bradshaw: The Giants backup running back only had 11 carries, but gained an impressive 110 yards and scored two TD’s.

Andy Pettitte: Sunday was Pettitte’s 36^th postseason start, the most in MLB history, and his 15^th win tied him with John Smoltz for most victories. Of course the postseason lasts almost as long as the regular season now. Whitey Ford could have won 30 games if had a chance to pitch in the “postseason” and not just the World Series.

Mariano Rivera: It’s Mariano Rivera Appreciation Week. Look at Joe Nathan, Jonathan Papelbon and Huston Street as exhibits A, B and C to see how good the Yankees have it. The best closer in the history of closers pitched 3.2 scoreless innings, with seven K’s and one walk in the three game series.

Mark Teixeira: The MVP candidate blasted a walk-off homer that just cleared the fence on Friday. Now that it’s playoff time, the deep-pocketed Yankees have specially made shaving cream pies flown in direct from the Gillette factory (though the Yankees had to hire a shaving cream taster to test them for poison beforehand since Gillette is located in South Boston).

Eli Manning: Things couldn’t have worked out better for Manning and the Giants. He was in the game Sunday just long enough to test out his foot and build up a quick 28-0 lead. He went 8 for 10, throwing for 173 yards and two TD’s. He finished with a perfect QB rating of 158.3, which was, coincidentally, the same score I got on my SAT’s.

David Carr: The backup QB mopped up for 2+ quarters, going 9 for 14 (90 yards), and had a rushing TD.

Justin Tuck: The monster defensive end recorded two sacks, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery. He led the D, which dominated―six sacks, three forced fumbles, 124 total yards allowed, and they didn’t give up a first down until well into the second quarter.

Braylon Edwards: The new Jets receiver made his presence felt in his debut, hauling in five passes for 64 yards, including a few acrobatic catches and a TD reception.

Vinny Prospal: The veteran left winger notched two goals and four assists in the three games the Rangers played this week, and netted the 200^th of his career.

Marian Gaborik: Mr. Third Period scored two goals and had two assists in three games. He has a point in all seven contests played by the Blueshirts this season.

David Clarkson: The Devils’ winger scored the game-winner in Saturday’s victory over Florida, and tied the game in the third period in Monday’s shootout win against Washington.

Schmuck of the Week

Rex Ryan: Uh-oh. Did Ryan take classes at the Herm Edwards school of clock management? His defense didn’t seem prepared, but at least he blamed himself for the Jets’ loss to the Dolphins. So he practically volunteered to be the Schmuck of the Week. Don’t forget, he’s a rookie, too. You could throw a few of the Jets players on here, also, for whining about Miami’s wildcat offense.

With the playoffs in full swing, the possibilities begin to become realities. Manager Joe Torre’s Dodgers, focus is now on the NLCS as the team swept the Cardinals in three games to proceed onward.

Across the country another team with a chief named Joe accomplished the same. Joe Girardi’s Yankees followed L.A.’s lead Sunday night in Minnesota’s Metrodome by winning their third game against the Twins. The possibility of Joe vs. Joe could happen and what a World Series that would be.

Two teams, two sweeps, two Joe’s who have much more in common then realized. These Joe’s own quite a history together.

Here is a little out of this chapter:

1) Both Joe’s Play
Ironically, both skippers were catchers. Torre* batted and threw right as did Girardi.  Both were players in New York during their career. Torre played in Queens as a Met; Girardi in the Bronx wearing Yankee Pinstripes. The selection as an All-Star only happened once for Girardi in 2000. On the other hand, Torre was an all-star nine times in a decade (1963-73), won a gold glove in 65′ and was the NL MVP in 1971. Torre in comparison to Girardi was a more complete hitter but sadly never once made it to October as an active participant. For Girardi, in a decade (1989-99) he played in six postseasons and won three World Series rings.

2) Joe manages Joe.
Girardi won those three World Series championships with Torre as his manager. Torre presided over the Yankees in the late 90’s when Girardi was the team’s catcher. Torre’s success as a skipper in October was the opposite of his playing years. With the Yankees he went 12 years in a row. He holds the evidence for MLB’s most winning manager with 2000+ wins.

3) Joe Follows Joe
When Girardi retired as a player, he went directly into broadcasting for the YES network in 2004.  The next year he rejected the offer to be the Marlins’ bench coach with a promotion to manager guaranteed. Instead, he follows Torre and became his bench coach in 2005. The next season Florida named Girardi manager and he won Manager of the Year in his first season as a skipper in 2006.  The Marlins owner and Girardi did not hit it off and he got fired in the same year. Though Girardi had several offers to lead again in 2007, he decided to return to YES and broadcast for the Yankees.

4) Joe replaces Joe
Well, 2008 was the end of the Torre era in Pinstripe. It also marked the beginning for another Joe. In late October, Joe Girardi became the Bombers manager and Torre’s replacement. Torre went to the Dodgers. Mattingly, and fellowship followed, but Tony Pena stayed on as Yankees bench coach for Girardi. Girardi had said many a time that when named as Yankee head the first call he made was to Torre.  What makes this so extraordinary is that the Dodgers wanted Girardi to manage in L.A. but he wanted to work for the Yankees. This was just two years before Torre hires Girardi, who passed on Dodger’s proposal. Supposedly L.A. wanted Girardi so badly to be wearing Dodger blue that they offered him the job before ownership granted permission. Girardi said no to get the duty under his skipper in New York.

5. Joe on Joe

After this soap opera of a link, both men have nothing but the highest regard and respect for each other.

Here are two quotes from this dynamic duo and their admiration for each other is evident.

Girardi on Torre:
“The great thing about Joe was that he let me say anything I wanted and I was never fearful of saying anything; that’s the greatest guy you can work for. Joe’s a very trusting guy. One of the big things I learned about him was his patience and the importance of knowing people.”

Torre in Girardi:
“He’s a good manager and he’s going to get better,” Torre said today. “I’m happy for him. … They’re a very good team.”

*Torre played first and third base during his career but is #15 on Top 50 Catchers of All-Time.*

The Giants kept on rolling this week, the Jets lost to a good Saints team (but traded for troublemaker Braylon Edwards), hockey season has started, with mixed results for the three local teams, the Mets held a day-long press conference on Monday to announce the firing of two coaches, and the $200-million juggernaut that is the Yankees steamrolled over the Twins in the opening game of their playoff series. Here are some fun facts about the Yanks and Twins:

CC Sabathia eats more food in one year than the farmers of Minnesota produce combined.

Brett Favre was warming up in the Twins bullpen in the seventh inning of Wednesday’s game.

George Steinbrenner gave an inspired speech to the team down in Tampa after the Yankees’ final regular season game. It was short, yet fiery: “Where the hell is my damn calzone!”

After defeating the Tigers in their dramatic one-game showdown on Tuesday, the Twins immediately called Darryl Strawberry, Lenny Dykstra and Keith Hernandez to find out the most effective way to destroy a plane on a flight to New York.

Carlos Gomez almost missed third base, fell down and stopped running when heading for home with the winning run against Detroit because he briefly thought he was back on the Mets.

The real reason Kevin McHale was fired by the Timberwolves was that he spent the last month of his tenure trying to trade Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau to the Red Sox.

Kate Hudson first met Alex Rodriguez when she appraoched him about tips on steroid use, because her husband at the time, Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes, weighed only 39 pounds.

The Yankee players have a plan if they fall behind in the series – they realized that they make so much money they can just buy the Twins and force them to pitch Nick Punto and Michael Cuddyer in games four and five.

Trying to change his manager’s mind about not playing him in game two, Jorge Posada committed two passed balls on Wednesday to show that it’s not just A.J. Burnett he has trouble with – he can’t catch anybody.

Former Yankee and Twin Chuck Knoblauch will be honored before tonight’s game by being handcuffed and hauled away to jail.

Player of the Week

Steve Smith: After his 11 catch, 134 yard, two touchdown day on Sunday, he now leads the NFL in catches, yards and TD receptions. He’s stepped up big-time and turned what seemed like a weakness for the Giants into a strength.

Runners Up

Eli Manning: He had another impressive game on Sunday, although he had to leave with a foot injury. His consecutive game streak is now in doubt. I always thought that the only way he would miss a game would be if he had to film another commercial. Manning moved up to third on the all-time Giants list for TD passes (106), passing Sir Francis Tarkenton. He has a long way to go to catch Phil Simms (199) and Charlie Conerly (173).

Michael Boley: The linebacker recorded a sack and five tackles (four in the backfield for losses), but now he has to have surgery – “and like that . . . he’s gone.” The Giants D held Larry Johnson to 53 yards.

Bryan Kehl: He recovered a fumble on the opening kickoff and grabbed onside kick to start second half. And guess what? He’s out with an injury, too. The Giants better be careful or they’ll turn into the Mets.

Darrelle Revis: It was another shutdown game for the shutdown cornerback.

Alex Rodriguez: He closed out the regular season with two homers and seven RBI’s, all in one inning, which set the AL record for most ribbies in an inning. And he got two hits and drove in two runs – in the playoffs! Maybe he doesn’t know the postseason has started yet.

CC Sabathia/Derek Jeter/Hideki Matsui: They all did what they were supposed to do in game one.

John Tavares/Micheal Del Zotto: The teenagers made their NHL debuts and both scored their first career goals this week. The Islanders phenom had a goal and two assists in a pair of games, while the Rangers’ 19-year-old defenseman racked up four points in four games, with two goals and two assists, and was plus-one.

Marian Gaborik: So far, so good for the Rangers’ big-money acquisition. He piled up four goals and two assists in the team’s first four games, and scored the tying and winning goals in the third period last night to beat Washington.

Nelson Figueroa: The journeyman right-hander threw a complete game shutout on Sunday. The Mets are finally firing on all cylinders, with a three-game winning streak. You mean the season’s finally over? After the game, Met players threw their hats and other equipment into the crowd, but the fans threw it all back.

Schmuck of the Week

Mark Sanchez: He’s not really a schmuck, just a rookie. He threw three INTs and fumbled once, leading to two Saints TD’s. It had to happen sooner or later.

Sunday  afternoon was a New York sports fan’s dream (or nightmare) as the Giants, Jets, Yankees and Mets all played at the same time – and they all won (even the Rangers played at noon on Sunday and lost, but we won’t count that because it was preseason). I’m jumping on the bandwagon and doing one of those running diary things that are so popular with the kids these days of that afternoon. Here we go:

12:30: Watch the last half of the first period of the Rangers game and eat a turkey, ham and cheese sandwich.

12:36: Yell at my daughter to quit jumping on the couch.

12:50: Bring plate into kitchen.

12:51: Sit back down in front of TV, and watch Terry Bradshaw, Michael Strahan, Jimmy Johnson and Howie Long laugh.

1:02: Giants game starts. They drive down field with ease and score their first red zone touchdown of the year. It was done so easily, I don’t think there was even another team on the field.

1:21: Switch to Channel 2 to check on the Jets, but the Houston Oilers are playing a team I don’t recognize. I think it’s the Canton Bulldogs or Chicago Cardinals. I want to stick around to see how Dan Pastorini and Billy “White Shoes” Johnson fare, but I want to find the Jets game.

1:23: Flip to ESPN, but the Yankees are in a rain delay. The team is in the clubhouse gathered round John Sterling, who’s reading Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment to them to pass the time.

1:24: Change to Channel 11 to see if the Mets are still allowed to play. New face of the franchise Pat Misch is standing on the mound, so yes, the Mets still exist.

1:25: Keep flipping, looking for the Jets.

1:30: Land on TV Land and get sucked into the Brady Bunch marathon.

1:50: No sign of “pork chops and applesauce,” “oh my nose” or “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” yet.

2:01: Yes! It’s the “Time to Change” episode.

2:11: Peter’s voice cracks.

2:18: The other five kids vote on whether to keep Peter in the band. It’s a tie because Cindy voted twice.

2:20: Greg gets an idea on how to fix their conundrum.

2:21: Greg locks Peter and Bobby out of their room as he writes a new song.

2:24: The Brady Six sing “Time to Change.”

2:33: The Bradys are going to Hawaii!

2:40: Bobby finds a tiki idol.

2:48: Alice throws her back out doing the hula.

2:55: Greg wipes out in a surfing contest. Everyone is worried.

3:03: Greg’s ok.

3:11: A tarantula crawls on Peter.

3:20: I take out the garbage.

3:43: Greg, Peter and Bobby are kidnapped by Vincent Price.

3:50: Mr. Brady saves them, but instead of calling the cops because a creepy old man, who is most likely gay, kidnapped his three sons and might have done unspeakable things to them, he helps the freaky guy and invites him to a luau.

3:55: The Bradys end their Hawaiian vacation with a luau.

4:05: Flip back to Channel 5 in time to see Brett Favre throw a game-winning TD pass. Jets win! Why are they wearing Vikings uniforms, though?

Player of the Week

David Harris: The Jets linebacker was all over the field, and recorded five tackles, a sack and an INT. He obviously wasn’t wearing Bobby Brady’s tiki idol around his neck.

Runners Up

Ahmad Bradshaw: As Derrick Ward gained two yards, his replacement dodged tackles and darted in and out of holes all day to gain 104 yards on only 14 carries. But now, like most Giants, he’s injured, though he’s probable for Sunday’s game.

Giants Offensive Line: They led the way as the Giants productive running game returned, and they allowed zero sacks for the second game in a row.

Jerricho Cotchery: The standout on offense for the Jets, he had eight catches for 108 yards and hauled in a touchdown pass.

Giants D: It’s cheating to put the whole defense here, but there really wasn’t an individual standout on Sunday. It’s hard to ignore the fact, though, that they only let up 86 total yards and five first downs in the game. Sure, Tampa Bay stinks, but they are in the NFL.

Bart Scott: The loud linebacker led the Jets with nine tackles.

Mark Sanchez: Sure, he made some mistakes (and may have taken some liberties with the ladies), but he rushed for a TD, diving headfirst into the end zone, which impressed his teammates. He’s the first rookie QB in NFL history to start the season 3-0.

CC Sabathia/A.J. Burnett: The big two are tuning up for the playoffs. Sabathia threw seven shutout innings in Saturday’s win over the Sox, and Burnett has a 1.89 ERA over his last three starts.

Robinson Cano/Derek Jeter: The second baseman hit .375 this week, with two long balls and six ribbies, while the Captain batted a lofty .563.

Pat Misch: He was almost scratched from his start on Sunday due to a severe bout of ineffectiveness, but Jerry Manuel realized the only person the Mets had left who could make a start was the ball boy. Misch went out and threw a complete game shutout vs. Florida.

Schmucks of the Week

The Mets: They’re finishing their schmuck-like season in a very schmuck-like way. David Wright forgot there were two outs and then lollygagged around the bases on Saturday night, costing the Mets a run, and has been ole-ing the ball down at third all week, Frankie Rodriguez gave up five runs in the ninth to the Nats, who were 0-87 when losing after the eighth inning this year, Jose Reyes tore his hamstring, the defense made about 100 errors this week, and on and on and on.